LiViNg LiFe A LiTtLe LiVeLiEr, My LiGhTeR LiFe!!

2010-02-01T01:33:00.001+13:45

I think he wrote that song for you.

I wish I could be the one to love you, but you'd never let me.

2009-11-28T13:12:00.002+13:45

when will all the tears end?
i lost a lover, my heart, and now a friend.
i always knew this path i should not have trod,
and now the consequences upon myself i have brought.

2009-11-24T02:26:00.002+13:45

sometimes i wish i could just break down and cry. somehow i'm stronger than that, but i wish i weren't. maybe even just for one second, that i could.

each heartbreak leads me to the destiny that is mine, each surrenders me to a fate which they believe i should attain, but what if that's not what i want. i don't ask for riches, attention, what i would just really like is someone who will be there for me to share this life.

i never said i was perfect, i've always claimed that i'm full of flaws.

u have no idea how hard it is for me not talk to u.

2009-06-24T12:03:00.004+12:45

Emo diarhoea from the past from the unsent msgs in my cellphone, I have more personal ones which I won't put up here. I might use some of these lyrics for my songs so that's why they are up here:

I want to love you but 've been too hurt before.
I want to let you in but my heart has closed the door.
Ive been left in the cold to suffer on my own and now though I've found the perfect one
I remember that I've forgotten how to love anymore.

You've can't expect any song just to blow your world apart.
It takes a bit of luck too she told me.
And a bit of feel, and it feels so surreal.

I learnt all the rules so I could break them with you
You make me feel alive again.

She's got summer in her eyes,
With flowers, daisies and butterflies.

Undecided, don't know which road to choose,
coz i'm scared that I'll make a mistake I won't be able to undo
Whether I'll want my life to mean something or to make a million bucks
How can I love you, when I still don't know who I am
I'm trying to discover just who I really will be
The kind of man I become when the shit hits the fan
And though we know our feelings, I'll not offer you my heart
Coz I know I can still be a better man for you
I'll not give you a book with empty pages
Coz you deserve a masterpiece.

I still remember the way she made me feel,
So dumbstruck, completely and totally unreal

He doesn't treat you like you deserve,
He doesn't love you like I do
I can make you happy,
Why can't you see?
But you still love him, but that's why I love you
That's why I'll keep waiting, do all that I can,
Stay here waiting, be there for you,
I'll hope that one day my love will get through to you
And you'll realise
That I loved you till the point of breaking myself
I gave everything I had, every last tear and prayer,
until I had nothing else to give,
and life I could barely live,
Just so I could hold your hand again.

Time to let your heart move on,
and time for you to let go
You're hurting no one but yourself,
And bringing me as you go
I cannot bear to see you hurt anymore
And i want to make you happy
I was born to make you happy I'm sure

My love doesn't expect anything in return
but I don't want to burden you with an unwanted love either..

2009-06-08T15:09:00.003+12:45

She has moved on now, I know she has and I don't blame her. No one could've put up with all the foolish stunts that I tried to pull. Believe me, I only pulled them because I didn't know how to act, I never felt the feelings I felt before. I really didn't want to lose her and I tried everything to prevent that, but I have. I wasn't being myself, I apologise for that. But it's too late now to right the wrongs I did.

Despite everything, I fell in love with your heart, and I know deep down that that heart still remains. Just that you're heart doesn't belong to me anymore. So good luck in your life, your dreams, your passions, I hope we always remain friends. You will make one man incredibly happy one day. =) Thank you for briefly sharing your heart with me.

"The Contract"

the solution to your problem is simple.
it is a contract between your heart and mine.

you promise to:
1) to always be yourself.
2) give me a real chance to win your heart.
2) that if i succeed, that you'll never think of anyone else anymore.
3) if you never think of anyone else anymore, that you will try to entertain me everyday and make me happy.
4) to accept whatever i to give you, just be happy and don't feel guilty.

i promise to
1) always love you like no one else will ever love you.
2) to be different from all the other guys chasing you.
3) to love you for who you really are and not just for what you look like.
4) when i see you need a hug or someone to hold your hand. u won't need to ask me to hug you, i'll come and give it to you without you asking.
5) maybe one day, give you children that you will adore and love.
6) support you in your dreams, whatever they are.
7) if you are hungry, i will feed you.
8) when you are cold, i will keep you warm.
9) to ask how your day is everyday.
10) when you have a problem, to solve your problems.
11) when you need a man, i'll be a man
12) when you need a friend, i'll be a friend
13) to always listen to you
14) to always try to understand you.
15) when you ask me to leave you, or to forget, to never leave you or forget you.

so our mutual obligations are:
1) you'll love me. and i'll love you. always.

the contract is as simple as that."

No matter how hard I try to move, my heart still can't forget yours right now.

2009-03-25T11:10:00.004+13:45

Week 5:

Week 5 into the search and I'm still looking for a job. It's not all bad news, I went to a Deloitte's Ability Assessment (Psychometric Analysis Test) yesterday and have to wait till the 6th of April to hear back whether I've made it into the final stage of recruitment which is the interviews. But at the same time, I've still to receive any solid job offers.

It would have as easy as snapping my fingers to get a job last year (ok, maybe not that easy), but now with the economy in recession and all that it's proved quite a challenge so far. I'm still not discouraged yet, because I know who I am and what I have to offer. But maybe it's God telling me to go back to Malaysia or maybe not to get into Banking or Law. Maybe He wants me to go into His ministry, become an asian popstar, or join the circus? I just need to have faith in His leading and His plans.

I've tried to make my time productive though. Since then, I have:
i) gone to see Jensen's pet store 3 times (they have very cute puppies).
ii) sent a lot of messages on facebook.
iii) tried to read some books.
iv) killed 1500+ zombies on Left 4 Dead.
v) taken some very korean pictures.
vi) driven around 500km in my new car.

Haha, seriously though:
i) continued on with my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
ii) joined a Chinese Singing Competition (1st prize $2000 and a ticket to HK)
iii) spent time catching up with good friends (thanks Wei-Shen, Marc, Wei Lun, Eddy, Eugene and all the others).
iv) worked a lot at my casual time job and managed to watch Coldplay live. (they were awesome!)
iv) kept on with studying chinese. Wo de zhong wen hai shi bu hao T_T
v) helped out with OCF and my church youth Group.
vi) tried my very best to keep a friendship that means the world to me.
vii) and to bring it all around, job-searching!

I'm also trying to find some charity work to do since I have so much time now. Anyone have any suggestions? I've been thinking the Salvation Army or the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

How do I feel? I feel a little disappointed that I haven't found a job yet, but I trust in God and I thank Him for my parents who are here at the moment which makes things easier and for good friends, both in Malaysia and New Zealand. I've been learning I need to trust God more and this is an area which I practice that. When our faith in God is never misplaced, He will never let us down.

Special thanks goes to Wei-Shen who has been hanging out with me coz we're both got so much free time. It was fun driving around, getting fined $60 for parking in a clear way, looking at cute animals, and just talking about our problems for hours on end. I'll be sad to see you go when you go to China and become a Chinadoll. You'll always be a dear friend to me. =)

2009-03-23T17:34:00.001+13:45

Despite all that's happened, I will never regret meeting you.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, is that a weakness or is that something beautiful?

2009-03-23T00:24:00.006+13:45

童話 (王光良)

忘了有多久再沒聽到你
對我說你最愛的故事
我想了很久我開始慌了
是不是我又做錯了甚麼

你哭著對我說童話裡都是騙人的
我不可能是你的王子
也許你不會懂從你說愛我以後
我的天空星星都亮了

我願 (要) (會) 變成童話裡
你愛的那個天使
張開雙手變成翅膀守護你
你要相信相信我們會像童話故事裡
幸福和快樂是結局

Tong Hua (Fairytale) by Guang Liang [from Ipoh!]

I've forgotten how long it's been
Since I last heard you
Tell me your favourite fairytale
I've thought for a very long time
I'm starting to get worried
Have I done something wrong again?

You told me with tears in your eyes
That fairytales are all lies
There's no way I can be your prince charming
Perhaps you don't understand
Since you said you loved me
The stars in my sky started to twinkle

I'm willing to be
The angel you love in the fairytale
I'll open my arms wide
And turn them into wings to protect you
You must believe
Believe that we will be like the fairytale
With happy ever after as the ending

Together we'll write our own ending

及还是我衷心的臆给你.

2009-03-20T11:19:00.006+13:45

Pretty faces I can see everywhere.
Kinds girls are behind every other door.
Musical talent is given by God to the masses.
And humor lies in even the world's best bore,
So I wonder, when out of all those I could choose from,
Why did my heart choose you?

I thought I would always be wild and uncontrollable
And that no one woman could never be enough for me
But your heart spoke to my heart,
And soothed its deepest doubts,
To others, you might be a plain Jane.
But you were the most special to me.

Somehow I felt we had a special connection that surpasses all facades
We spoke on the same wavelength, laughed at each other's sarcastic remarks,
We saw things the same way, and we could tell each other our deepest secrets,
I thought although we came from different backgrounds,
We could have the same future,
Coz our hearts are the same.
Was I that wrong?

But, I'd rather lose you now than never have you at all.

My heart aches for you.
But it calls out in futility.

2009-03-20T02:13:00.006+13:45

To leave behind the most beautiful treasure you've found, it's a tragedy. I'd rather die.

You played me for a fool. I played my part.
Wanted to have your cake and eat it.
I told you, I'll only give this much to her, You could be her.
I don't want to play your games anymore.

Although it's damaged,
It can be fixed, if you want it to be,
I'm not coming all the way for you anymore
You need to show me how much your own happiness means to you.
I still have faith in us, I still believe in you, I still cherish who you are.
I'll be where I am.
You say jump, I say 'how high'?

The eternal chasm of love and hate.

I could have had anyone, but I chose you.

2009-03-20T01:49:00.002+13:45

How can I forget her?
When everytime I see a piano, I'm reminded of her.
Whenever a classical tune plays, she's on my mind.
When I laugh, I'm reminded of hers.
While I drive my car, I'm thinking of her.
She's on my mind, constantly.
The last thing I think of before I sleep
And first to enter my thoughts when I wake up,
Yet she doesn't love me the way I want
She plays a little too hard to get,
And she plays these mind games on me everytime.
Yet I fall for her every trap,
and I hate myself for it.
But she's my only wish,
My only chance of happiness.

I'd love you even without the games.

Just be mine.

2009-03-16T12:25:00.001+13:45

This piece is something I wrote 2 years ago in 2007. Sometimes I keep posts as drafts because I don't like to post them up straightaway. Hope you like it.

Old age and death, it comes upon all of us, it's so far proved too formidable an enemy for modern science. Imagine this, you are 75 years old and you have just been diagnosed with a debilitating disease and you get weaker and weaker each day. You will die soon. The doctors have told you that you will no longer be able to walk anyday now. You're still in shock over the news. One night you attend a wedding of a grandchild and you ask your wife, your faithful companion for the past 50 years, for one final dance.

One Final Dance
The band starts playing that same waltz,
The one that we've heard a million times before
The one helped me sweep you off your feet
More times than once; but henceforth no longer
Because it is my final promenade with you

Tomorrow the demons that come are cruel
They come to collect from age what's due
To replace my final steps with frail immobility
Tomorrow I dance no longer with you

I chide myself, and move along,
Out of step and beat, my hearing gone,
Pride no longer holds me still, nor people's stares
For it's not a dance with them that I'll forbear
If tonight I don't dance with you

And though it seems more like a hobble than a shuffle
You always danced better than I did
But for now, let me savour these moments
Not the song, or the band,
But I dance to the beat of your heart,
The rhythm of your laugh,
And so, beat by beat,
Cheek to cheek,
This much I'll do
My final dance with you

2009-03-15T00:42:00.003+13:45

I think you meet a lot of different people in this world. There are those who use people and discard them after their usefulness has run out. There are those people who have been treated badly in life and so treat people just as badly. There are people who manipulate others just to get what they want.

Somehow, it's really sad that there are people like this in the world.
It may seem funny but I think that there is a period in everyone's life where they are 'ripe' for the plucking. And if they aren't plucked, they become spoilt for the rest of their lives.
For me, that's really sad. = (

2009-03-14T10:54:00.002+13:45

how can i show you i'm not just another admirer?

i don't want to stand in line and take a number.

if i'm not special to you, i'll jump out of queue.

sometimes i feel that i have so little to give you.

but yet i know there's something in me worth giving that will make u happy.

my feeelings haven't changed at all.

2009-03-06T02:25:00.003+13:45

For some reason, I'm thinking of my grandma. I miss her.

2009-03-05T23:11:00.004+13:45

Smile. =)

2009-03-04T14:03:00.004+13:45

You're not someone I can just let go and forget.

2009-03-04T01:07:00.005+13:45

The heart of a lover, the soul of a poet.

Hard times always makes us the most creative, that's life.

We need to express emotion.

2009-03-03T19:06:00.004+13:45

No drama this time.

I'd just like to tell you I'm sorry for the past week. It's been hard for me, and because of that I made it hard for you too. I'm sorry. I hope you won't regret knowing me. I hope we can move on from this and keep growing stronger in our friendship. You mean a lot to me. I'll listen to you if you have anything to say.

Thanks for being you. =)

2009-03-02T15:14:00.003+13:45

I'm still worried about your bruised legs. I wish I could carry you away and out from here.

2009-03-02T14:54:00.002+13:45

You'll Never Find (I'm thinking of the Michael Buble version)

You'll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you tender like I do
You'll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you the way I do

Whoa, I'm not braggin' on myself, baby
But I'm the one who loves you
And there's no one else, no-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else

You'll never find, it'll take the end of all time
Someone to understand you like I do
You'll never find the rhythm, the rhyme
All the magic we shared, just us two

Whoa, I'm not tryin' to make you stay, baby
But I know some how, some day, some way
You are (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it's cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

You'll never find another love like mine
Someone who needs you like I do
You'll never see what you've found in me
You'll keep searching and searching your whole life through
Whoa, I don't wish you no bad luck, baby
But there's no ifs and buts or maybes

You're gonna, You're gonna miss (miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it gets real cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know, I know that you are gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Let me tell you that you're gonna miss my lovin'
Yes you will, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When I'm long gone
I know, I know, I know that you are gonna miss

2009-03-02T01:09:00.007+13:45

Maybe I'm just deluding myself.

I want to help you escape, as I think you wanted to as well, but now I don't know anymore.

I'm undecided. But whatever happens, I'll never forget you.

Damn all this drama.

I'm too much like you.

2009-03-02T01:03:00.004+13:45

Sharing is caring.

The music was bad,
But i wish you were here anyway to hear it

I hate being pathetic like this.

2009-02-28T01:29:00.005+13:45

What does it mean to be a man?
To smoke, to drink, to gamble, not think.

What does it mean to be a man?
To argue, to fight, to come home late each night.

What does it mean to be a man?
To play his games, climb the ladder tall, to shift the blame, let others fall.

What does it mean to be a man?
To hunt the girls so all can see, how big a dick he is metaphorically.

What does it mean to be a man?
To love his woman, to work each day, to live his life the best he may.
To put others first, to friends be free, to share his life, giving cheerfully.
To be truthful and honest, to be himself, whether that leads him to poverty or wealth.
To provide his kids, and be there too, to build them up, great deeds they'll do.
To fight for right and peace and truth, to protect the weak, the sad, and uncouth.

I wonder if we know what men are today and what men were designed to be.

It's easier to be the former. It takes a real man to be the latter.

2009-02-28T01:11:00.003+13:45

Coz you mean the world to me.

I want I want I want.
Who says I'm not greedy. I want a lot of things. =)

3 weeks will come by quickly, and pass by us even faster.
I guess we just have to enjoy it while it last.

2009-02-27T16:04:00.004+13:45

A friend told me today that "Mercy is not getting what we deserve and Grace is getting what we don't deserve".

I like that. =)

2009-02-27T16:04:00.000+13:45

Looking for a job can be.. disheartening.

But I have peace. Thank you God =)

2009-02-24T02:26:00.003+13:45

The sunshine dimmed today.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

You said you like flowers, maybe you just like weeds.

2009-02-22T01:04:00.002+13:45

In everything, my soul will bless the Lord
Through mountain top and valley low
Amidst pure delight and utmost sorrow
My soul will bless the Lord

Though give and take
Though my heart break
Through thick and thin
My soul will bless the Lord

For He is the master of my soul
And only through Him do I know
How to love and love I try
For while I was still in sin, for me He died

He guides my path
And lights the way
Provides me shelter
For each new day

I'll try to follow Him the best I can
At best, I'll fail like normal sinful man
So I give the Lord, all I can afford
So that in everything, I will bless the Lord

2009-02-22T00:50:00.003+13:45

My heart knows.

2009-02-22T00:38:00.003+13:45

Is trying his best for both our sakes.

2009-02-18T13:26:00.003+13:45

Dreamers can always find love, but it is rare that love ever finds dreamers.

2009-02-18T02:19:00.005+13:45

Will you leave this duet unfinished? This puzzle incomplete?

2009-02-18T01:58:00.004+13:45

I am a penguin. Not a rooster.

2009-02-09T17:37:00.004+13:45

It's time to lock that little boy back into his cage again
The boy who grew up playing in drains and on fields
Who ate and laughed and where everything was only 5 minutes away
Who skinned his knees all the time and forgot where he put everything
Who loved without expecting anything in return and was happy to do so
Who always thought and still secretly believes that good would wins over all.

It's time to lock that part of him up and head over again
Where the smiles aren't as sincere
And the only hands held are stiff handshakes
Where the pantry isn't always stacked with food and drink
Where the food isn't homecooked and as satisfying
Where words are calculated and numbers are budgets
Where friendships are not for life and neither are wives
Where the houses aren't as crowded but have lesser memories
Where intelligence and cunning rule over kindness and compassion

I'm sorry you have to be locked up kid, but you can't survive out there.
Maybe one day someone will let you out again.

It's time to grow up again.

I don't want to lose you or that little boy.

2008-07-08T20:14:00.001+12:45

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

I could right a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

2008-07-06T00:30:00.001+12:45

All this while, I keep waiting
On cold cloudy mountain mornings
For someone to thaw this icey glade
And make this frozen heart
Feel again.

So cliche.

2008-02-13T21:19:00.001+13:45

What Charles Means

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

2007-10-09T23:43:00.002+13:45

A fire that burns by itself warms no one.
And maybe if left alone too long, it might slowly die in the chill.
Still, I think that every flame has a specific purpose.
For if you put it next to some wool, that wool gets devoured by the flame
Or if you try to warm up a stone, your flame will burn itself out long before ,
You gotta wait for the right person to come by and choose to sit by you,
So, as for me, I keep shield that little flame from wind, rain and snow,
Whilst all my friends find the ones they share their flames with,
I hold onto it, through the pain and hurt,
Waiting for you.

2007-09-24T00:59:00.000+12:45

This blog shall not die!!
Just laying dormant for a while.
Haven't had too much time to blog. But UMSA Ball was a blast! OCF Concert was an even bigger blast! Exams and assignemnts coming up soon? I don't likey them so much...

Pretty stressed in general, just handed in an opinion last week. Got a group presentation this week, and 2 more essays coming in the weeks ahead. Then it's exams. It's coming all on fast and furious :) Gotta work hard!

Hope everyone is going well, not letting life control them, but being in control of life and enjoying it to the max!

2007-08-05T23:37:00.000+12:45

2007-07-31T20:32:00.000+12:45

If you've not heard, the taliban have taken 23 koreans volunteers hostage and demanded that the Afghanistani government release prisoners or otherwise they will kill the hostages. They have already killed 2 of the hostages, Shim Sungmin and Reverand Bae Hyung-kyu.

These Koreans have no ulterior agenda, they aren't political plots, they are mostly students just wanting to offer hope to the Afghan people. How have the Taliban, a pseudo-muslim political organisation, reciprocated? In DEATH. It breaks my heart.

I know this isn't the first time the Taliban have taken and killed hostages. However, somehow I am affected by the plight of these hostages, I don't know why, I just am. So this is my simple desperate plea for prayer for these hostages. I won't call for action to be taken because I know how complex, it's not a matter that can be solved so easily.

My heart goes out to those who are still being kept hostage. To those that were martyred, they are with Jesus and will receive the highest honor, they gave up their lives trying to give back some of the life that Jesus gave to them. My prayer is that God will be their comfort and their strength and that God will let them know that we are praying and thinking of them.

Please, keep them in your hearts, minds, and soul.

2007-07-01T00:10:00.000+12:45

I thought I would summaries the "Looking beyond what's in front of us" post. *Sweat* Sorry it was so long, I really don't know what I was on that night when I wrote it, lol!

Looking Beyond What's In Front of Us *Reviewed and Edited*
My familiy isn't one that your ordinary bystander would consider loving but I would disagree. We're not touchy feely, we aren't necessarily best friends, but we know that if we were in any trouble that we'd be there for one another.

So, I think it's kinda rare for me to take something my father told me and ponder on it. But thankfully I did, because it helped me in a way learn another lesson of life. My father always told me when I was just a kid "Son, when your eyes are tired, you must always look far away." Intrigued how this is a life lesson? Read on.

I study law, and as you know, law involves reading pages and pages of neverending cases. Honestly, some cases are 70 pages long. I also play computer games, A LOT (too much)! What do these two things have in common? They both give you bad vision. Therefore it's not uncommon for me to have really tired and strained eyes. As a result, although my eyesight is normally -0.75 on both sides, during semester it normally goes up to -1.50.

I was coming home from an exhausting day of uni after a 9-6pm day. Stressed by the burden of exam and from reading cases, my eyes were blurry and tired. I thought I'd follow my dad's advice and consciously look away at the distance (instead of just looking 'into' the distance).

Normally we're taught to look at things just in front of us; the letters on a page; the car in front of us; the computer screen, etc etc. Or even on the bus, we look outside just to avoid looking at people on the bus (you know what i mean!), but even then, we tend to blur our vision and let the scenery just pass us by. Not today.

I suddenly noticed how beautiful Mt Eden was, I noticed all the little details that I hadn't noticed before, the awkward pedestial on top of the hill, I could see tourists on the mountain, details that passed me by everyday whilst I passed them by. What was amazing was how clear this all was considering I could barely see 2 metres in front of me because I was exhausted.

I took a look out at the city too, noticed how unique Auckland really is. It is a metropolis built on mountainous land. I looked out to the tall buildings and saw the people working in them. And then suddenly, things just became clearer. Not mentally, but I mean that I could see clearer. My eyes somehow managed to focus on those distant objects and I could see them clearly. I was amazed, my eyes felt less tired, and when I drew my vision back to things in the bus, I noticed that I saw things at close range clearer as well. My whole body and mind were strangely refreshed.

After that, a lot of things clicked in my mind:
i) So many of us are tied down by things that are figuratively 'burdening us', we look up at this burden but we often forget to look beyond what's in front of us. We tend to look to things like when the next assignment is due, or when the exams are, or when the next presentation is, what is for dinner, etc. However, we forget to look at things ahead, the things that really matter. Things like what we want our life to mean, or what we want our lives to be like in 5 years time. Because when you look forward, you understand that all these hindrances that are "NOW", are really just molehills in the whole course of our life.
Instead, every once in a while, we need to remind ourselves of the real mountains in our lives. How do we do this? We look beyond what's in front of us.

ii) We get so tired from these "NOW" things that constantly drain us. Sometimes, we need to look beyond to see where we want to head. Eg. When searching maps, If I were to look for only the next street I need to get to, instead of figuring out all the streets that will get me to my intended destination, I would be constantly getting lost and constantly re-searching the map for my next street. Aren't our lives like that? If you are constantly losing value in the things you do, is it because you're only looking at what's in front and not beyond? Try to look out for your destination instead of just where you want to turn next. I'll share another story with you. In days where farmers used to manually plough the ground before planting. The son of a farmer m who was amazed by his dad's ability to plough in straight lines, asked his dad, "Dad, how do you do it so perfectly". The farmer said "Son, when you grab your hoe, you must not look in front of you, instead you have to set your eyes on a spot on the horizon and just keep moving towards that point in the horizon. That's how I do it."

iii) Knowing where we're going sometimes makes it easier to head in that direction. Looking ahead puts things in perspective. In other words, sometimes we forget why we do the things we do. Often times, we don't feel fulfilled in our lives because it seems meaningless. If we look beyond, and find out what our goals are, such as being successful by the time you're 40, then we find meaning in the things that we do everyday in working towards that goal. For me, this was to be successful in my career, and knowing that I wanted to be successful helped justify all this studying I'm doing (I'm not doing it for fun you know?!).

I guess a summary of all these lessons, although it is a point in itself is that, sometimes we find that we see things in front of us clearer after we spend some time looking beyond them.

Thanks dad, I know you didn't mean to impose such a deep philosophical teaching into my life (or did you?), but thanks. My eyes thank you.

2007-05-28T01:52:00.001+12:45

Sex sex sex (Not so much drugs and rock and roll)

If you know me, you know I like to be able and try to relate to people, and sometimes to do that you need to do what they do, see what they see, and so on.

When I was younger, I equated relationships with physicality. If you were in a relationship, you were participating in physicality in some way. I had been exposed to sex as a very young child so I never had that blanket of innocence on me as others did. I was never a wild swinger, but I wasn't a saint either. I thought hey, if the only person that I get physical in my life with is my wife, then that means there's nothing wrong getting physical with them. I always loved my girlfriends as much as a wife, and so physicality was a way of being intimate and sharing. I played it risky, I said to myself that sex wasn't sex as long as it didn't involve intercourse. I was curious, I wanted to learn, I didn't want to be laughed at for not being a good lover. I had been reading metro and countless other girls mags, with special regard to the parts that taught you how to be a good partner in bed.

A humbling experience for me was when I ask one of my best friends, who was in his first relationship, about his relationship and how physical they had gotten. He was about 16 at the time. I was dumbfounded when he told me that they had only held hands and it was only once that they had done so. I never knew that couples existed that did not get physical. I couldn't believe it. (However, THAT friend is now into the whole clubbing and picking up random girls scene, however, irrelevant!).

My idea of sex had been cheapened by the world around me. To me holding hands barely meant anything, kissing was normal and should be done within 3 months of a relationship, etc etc. This is what the media teaches us these days. It teaches us that sexual encounters are as normal as eating making a cup of milo. I did not believe that a single relationship existed that did not involve some kind of dodgy physicality.

Actually.. I'm really tired. Lol sorry. I'll finish this post some other time.
However, I do wish to say this. Do I wish I could have sex? Of course! Which normal human wouldn't want to? Do I feel embarassed saying I'm a virgin? Yes (although, only by the hairs of my chinny chin chin). Am I going to be useless on my wedding night? Probably yes although I'd like to thing I'd be a natural and all those girl mags would've helped me. However, do I think that because I'm saving sex for marriage that it's going to be so much more worth it? I'm going to say it, O M G YES!

2007-05-28T01:51:00.001+12:45

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.
Just Read It!

2007-05-28T01:36:00.002+12:45

The Circle of Life (told by a aspiring, inspiring, perspiring Jogger)
Today I learnt what the natural cycle of life is all about when I was jogging up to my local hill (my place is called three kings and I think it's called that because we have 3 hills around us).

However, to cut a long story short, it goes like this:
i) You begin with eagerness with huge ambitions on what you want to do.
ii) You start off well, and make steady progress towards the park and head to the summit.
iii) You begin to struggle halfway up a steep slope.
iv) You tell yourself you can do it, and manage to make another 20 steps before you give up and start walking instead.
v) You reach the summit. Congratulations, you've managed to disturb the privacy of the person who was at the summit earlier. Soon after your arrival, the person starts heading down the hill. It's kinda uncomfortable being the only two people at the summit and not speaking. Somehow the scenery is always enjoyed better off alone or with people you know (unfortunately no one you would want to share the view made it up with you).
vi) You enjoy your victory, having submitted the mountain to your will. You stare out at the scenery (it was about 5.45pm, dusk, it was beautiful).
vii) You spend about 5 minutes at the top, doing whatever you want to do, you're at the top and there's no one else to disturb you! That is, until someone else reaches the summit (with a nice terrier dog btw).
viii) You realise the right thing to do, you humbly get off the summit and start heading down the hill.
xi) You're exhausted, you don't know how much more you can take and start heading home.
vii) You're home (in other words, you're dead).

Wow, Disney should have made a movie about jogging instead of some cub named Simba.

2007-05-28T01:36:00.001+12:45

Just before we get to the gist of things today, I've just noticed that I've had comments for most of my posts, thanks guys, it really does encourage me to post a bit more (I guess that's the attention-seeking Narcissist within me speaking). But really, thanks to those who posted, I always love to hear your perspectives on what goes on in my mind. Please do keep commenting and thanks for all the encouragement! :)

2007-05-28T00:43:00.000+12:45

Looking Beyond What's In Front of Us
My dad and I, well, my family and I, are a bit unusual. That's not unusual in itself, I mean every family is unusual in its own ways, and maybe because we're unusual that would make my family pretty usual. Well if you managed to read and understand that, you may feel free to continue on reading this post (Doh! totally not related to what I wanted to say). Anyways my familiy isn't one that seems close to outsiders but I think that the unspoken rule in my family is that if any one of us gets into trouble, for instance if any of us got into a fight, let's just say... the rest of the family would be onto the enemy like donkey kong. I've learned that we don't have perfect families, yet thankfully my family is still together after all of these years and I'm sure somewhere there is implication of the L word (the one that makes the world go around).

So, I think it's kinda rare for me to take something my father told me and ponder on it. But thankfully I did, because it helped me in a way learn another lesson of life. What my father told me is "Son, when your eyes are tired, you must always look far away." Intrigued how this is a life lesson? Read on.

I study law, and as you know, law involves reading pages and pages of neverending cases. Honestly, some cases are like 70 pages long (and these aren't the NIGHTMARES even), and they don't even come with pictures! I also play computer games, A LOT (too much)! What do these two things have in common? They both give you bad vision. Therefore it's not uncommon for me to have really tired and strained eyes. As a result, although my eyesight is normally -0.75 on both sides, during semester it normally goes up to -1.50. This means I can't really read a number plate of a car about 15 metres ahead of me.

I was coming home from an exhausting day of uni, I think it was a 9-6pm day (yeah I know; not all that different from a normal working day). Exam pressures had already begun to affect me and I had been reading cases, my eyes were blurry and tired. While sitting on the bus on the way home, I made a conscious decision to just look out the window and look at things that were far away. Do you know what I mean? Normally we're taught to look at things just in front of us; the letters on a page; the car in front of us; the computer screen, etc etc. Or even on the bus, we look outside just to avoid looking at people on the bus (an article on bus rides will have to wait another day though!), but even then, we tend to blur our vision and let the scenery pass us by. Not today. I suddenly noticed the beautiful Mt Eden, I noticed all the little details that I hadn't noticed before, the Aerial, how I could see tourists on the mountain, details that passed me by everyday whilst I passed by them. I took a look out at the city too, noticed how unique Auckland is because it was a city built on hilly land. I looked out to the tall buildings and saw the people working in them. And then suddenly, things just became clearer. Not mentally, but I mean that I could see clearer. My eyes somehow managed to focus on those distant objects and I could see them clearly. I was amazed, my eyes felt less tired, and when I drew my vision back to things going on in the bus, I noticed that I saw things at close range clearer as well. My whole body and mind also felt strangely refreshed.

After that, a lot of things clicked in my mind:
i) So many of us are tied down by things that are directly in front of us, but we forget to look beyond what's in front of us. We tend to look to things like when the next assignment is due, or when the exams are, or when the next presentation is, what is for dinner, etc. However, we forget to look at things that are at a distance, the things that really matter. Things like what we want our life to mean, or what we want our lives to be like in 5 years time. Because when you look forward, you understand that all these hindrances that are "NOW", are really just molehills in the whole course of our life. Instead, every once in a while, we need to remind ourselves of the real mountains in our lives. How do we do this? We look beyond what's in front of us.

ii) We get so tired from these "NOW" things that constantly drain us. Sometimes, we need to look beyond to see where we want to head. Eg. When searching maps, If I were to look for only the next street I need to get to, instead of figuring out all the streets that will get me to my intended destination, I would be constantly getting lost and constantly researching the map for my next street. Aren't our lives like that? If you are constantly losing value in the things you do, is it because you're only looking at what's in front and not beyond? Try to look out for your destination instead of just where you want to turn next. I'll share another story with you. In days where farmers used to manually plough the ground before planting. The son of a farmer m who was amazed by his dad's ability to plough in straight lines, asked his dad, "Dad, how do you do it so perfectly". The farmer said "Son, when you grab your hoe, you must not look in front of you, instead you have to set your eyes on a spot on the horizon and just keep moving towards that point in the horizon. That's how I do it."

iii) Knowing where we're going sometimes makes it easier to head in that direction. In other words, sometimes we forget why we do the things we do. Often times, we don't feel fulfilled in our lives because it seems meaningless. If we look beyond, and find out what our goals are, such as being successful by the time you're 40, then we find meaning in the things that we do everyday in working towards that goal. For me, this was to be successful in my career, and knowing that I wanted to be successful helped justify all this studying I'm doing (I'm not doing it for fun!).

I guess a summary of all these lessons, although it is a point in itself is that, sometimes we find that we see things in front of us clearer after we spend some time looking beyond them.

Thanks dad, I know you didn't mean to impose such a deep philosophical teaching into my life (or did you?), but thanks. My eyes thank you.

2007-05-17T19:19:00.000+12:45

I'm beginnign to realise that we can't have everything. Everything that is worth something demands sacrifice. If you want a good career, you might have to sacrifice your hobbies. If you want to have a good family, you might have to sacrifice your friends. If you want to be good at guitar, you might have to sacrifice your free time. If you want to be smart, you may have to sacrifice your physical health. We simply can't have everything, there are too many limited resources, there is too little time, choices have to be made.

Which leads me to another debate that has been on my mind. Is it better to be mediocre at everything or to excel in just a few things? I know that the choices i proposed above are not ultimatums and we can have all of them on a varying degree. But I do want to succeed at something, and I am confident that I can succeed at anything I put my mind to. But if I don't put my mind to anything, I succeed at absolute nothing even though I might be reasonably good at everything else.

Everyone, including parts of me, would say that having a well-rounded life is probably the better course. But if you consider people who succeed, people who really succeed, I would think that they aren't very well-balanced people at all, either they're slogging off at the office 60-80 hours a week. I'm definately going to try to keep my life balanced, it's just that I might have to re-adjust the balances in my life right now.

It's amazing that it's taken me 22 years to realise that. I guess that goes to show how well my parents have taken care of me. However at the same time, it's the end of innocence, thinking that "everything can be done". I guess this is what it means to think like an adult. Oh darn, now I'm an adult ;) Wonder if my wisdom teeth are coming soon... on the lighter side of things, I know that my past experiences will serve me well whichever path I choose to take.

2007-05-11T15:18:00.001+12:45

This piece is something I wrote 2 years ago in 2007. Sometimes I keep posts as drafts because I don't like to post them up straightaway. Hope you like it.

Old age and death, it comes upon all of us, it's so far proved too formidable an enemy for modern science. Imagine this, you are 75 years old and you have just been diagnosed with a debilitating disease and you get weaker and weaker each day. You will die soon. The doctors have told you that you will no longer be able to walk anyday now. You're still in shock over the news. One night you attend a wedding of a grandchild and you ask your wife, your faithful companion for the past 50 years, for one final dance.

The band starts playing that same waltz,
The one that we've heard a million times before
The one helped me sweep you off your feet
More times than once; but henceforth no longer
Because it is my final promenade with you

Tomorrow the demons that come are cruel
They come to collect from age what's due
To replace my final steps with frail immobility
Tomorrow I dance no longer with you

I chide myself, and move along,
Out of step and beat, my hearing gone,
Pride no longer holds me still, nor people's stares
For it's not a dance with them that I'll forbear
If tonight I don't dance with you

And though it seems more like a hobble than a shuffle
You always danced better than I did
But for now, let me savour these moments
Not the song, or the band,
But I dance to the beat of your heart,
The rhythm of your laugh,
And so, beat by beat,
Cheek to cheek,
This much I'll do
My final dance with you

2007-05-06T18:30:00.000+12:45

Alright if you're a macho macho guy and are afraid of emo posts, steer clear from this entry!

It's been a while since I've done this, and sure it's gonna be sappy, but that's who I am, deep inside, deep deep inside, somewhere in there.. :P

I think that it's important that everyone revisits their thoughts on what love is every once in a while. You realise how your views on what it is changes based on what you've been through and probably your views on what love was when you were a child are totally different from what they are today are totally different.

If anything, it will help you consider how important it is in your life, or whether it should be? Or whether you've arrived at a place where you never thought you'd be, and maybe you should start trying to relive your dreams. Maybe you could write it down and give it your special someone and thank them for being the 'love' of your life.

Anyways, for me, love is:

1) something I have lost many times and been hurt by even more times, it's also something I haven't found yet, but know that one day all my efforts to find the right one will be worth it. I'm not looking for Ms Right Now, wrong recipient, it's Ms Right I'm looking for.
2) being just totally amazed by that person.
3) growing old together with the one that God match made me for.
4) thinking that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, even if she isn't; but to me, she is.
5) me trying my best for her everyday, and her doing the same for me.
6) commitment to stick it out till the end, trust and faith in one another, and always with hope for a better future, together.
7) specific performance of all the terms of the partership, intervivos, made while intoxicated by mutual feelings of affection (lawyer's joke). It's also something that law could never define (thank goodness for that).
8) giving, exploring, sharing sex with just that one person because she's special
9) always having someone to talk with but being just as content in our moments of silence
10) not convenience, not selfish need, not insecurity, not out of ambition, but just because she's the way she is
11) someone who knows my darkest secrets and how childish i can be but will put up with me just because she loves me
12) exploring the world and this adventure we call life in all its entirety with someone just as passionate about it as I am
13) having a happy family, me, you, and oh those incredibly-frustrating-"give me high blood pressure"-insane-"drive me crazy"-"i'm sorry we didn't use contraception"-but-"impossible not to love them" children of ours. Oh, and maybe a dog.
14) coming back home from work everyday, and knowing that I'm appreciated for me, not how much I bring home. and coming back home to the one i love.

Someone who knows the sad reality of this world, but still chooses to face it the best way she knows how; with grace, with strength, humour, intelligence, kindness, charm, and with happiness.

If you ever read this, or if I ever share this with you, thanks for making the future me so happy. I'm so glad the future me has found you, you have no idea how long he's waited for you, you are the result of answered prayer in his life his whole life, what took you so long? :)

2007-05-03T00:13:00.000+12:45

Well, this is a post about DoTA. Hehe not suprising since I play DoTA so much. But yeah a lot of people love it (boys), a lot of people hate it (their girlfriends, if they have girlfriends). I personally think it's a great easy fun game to play with your mates and respect to those who have honed their skills to such a level that they make me seem like a wet-behind-the-ears newbie.

BUT this has to be said about the game. Just as in soccer, or rugby, and other sports, it brings out the worst in people. Some people become 'kiasu', some start swearing every other sentence, some people start dissing others just to be cool, some people become easily frustrated. It's not very constructive is it?

I've seen some of my good CHRISTIAN friends turn into people that I would not be too proud of. Well, that might be too harsh, it's just that I think DoTA has made them into worse people than they originally were. Some people think it's just a game you play, but when you play it almost every night, for 3 years, it's impossible to say that it hasn't affected you in some way. But I think the worst thing is the online gaming environment, Battlenet is full of really really lousy people. You want to know what geeks of the lowest low are like, all you have to do is log onto Bnet. So it's understandable that when a person goes into this environment every night, for years, that they can change. It's almost like real life isn't it?

Of course, I'll confess that I probably have also changed by DoTA. I don't know how it has changed me, although I'd love to know how you guys think it has changed me if it has. My aspiration is to change the environment, not be changed by it, and to be a good Christian witness wherever I go.

I love DoTA, it's the new chess. It's a great way for friendships to form. I've made a lot of friends. It's uber fun! I'd recommend it! But please:
i) be aware that although you are amongst real idiots, you don't have to be one. Remember what your center is. If anything, don't be changed, instead change it!
ii) remember, Christians are the salt of the Earth, don't lose your saltiness. :)

2007-04-21T17:30:00.000+12:45

Location: Somewhere over the Timor Sea.

Time: Depends which timezone you use.

Speed: 813km/h.

Height: 40000 feet.

Progress: 7 hours into my 10 hours flight.

As the plane flies over the Timor Sea, the sea that separates Australia from Indonesia, there isn’t much to do but think and reminisce. It’s no different from the usual really. However it does provide me ample time to jot these thoughts on my laptop.

The same planes normally fly the same routes. It’s not the first time I’ve been on MH130 (and MH131 which covers the same route), and I’m sure it won’t be the last. However these Malaysian 747’s have been refitted within the last year. Planes now offer Movies, TV and Video on demand! So that means instead of catching the usual 2.5 movies (since we have to wait for scheduled screening times, and normally I never get to finish the last movie). WHOOPEE~! There’s a choice of about 40 movies to choose from instead of the usual 5, and the library contains old movies too, ahh the joys of technology and digital streaming.

I’ve already watched a Japanese movie (called Simsons, it’s about the sport of ice curling), a romantic comedy that didn’t have a happy ending (The Break Up, Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Anniston), and a broadway musical (Westside Story).

Westside story tells of a rivalry between two gangs, the Jets, an all American bunch of hoodlums) and the Sharks (a group of Puerto Rican immigrants trying to make a living in America). I’ve always wanted to watch it since our school did Westside Story for our production in 7^th form. I was privileged enough to be given the role of Tony (although there were two sets of casts), the lead male and Anashuya Richards co-starred with me as Maria. It’s basically Romeo and Juliet in a contemporary context and in a musical format.

I’ve been involved with performances in church since I was 5, but Westside Story was an amazing experience that I’ll never forget, we had about 100 people involved with the production, not to mention I had the Auckland Youth Symphony Orchestra backing for me! It was so much hard work, but we had so much fun in rehearsals and I made a lot of friends. Watching the movie just rekindled lots of memories for me, and reminded me how much I love acting/dancing/singing. God has blessed me with a talent to perform and I do like being on stage, I do it all for His glory. I still remember lots of those lines, and most of the lyrics to the songs. I do have one bad memory from performing in West Side Story though, I bought a ticket for my dad to come watch the results but he never showed on the night.

I stopped participating in performing arts when I entered uni, I’m not exactly sure why. I think one of the reasons was that I had a bad experience auditioning for the Auckland Theatre Company a few years ago. A friend I’d known through productions asked me to come audition with him. I thought I had aced the audition and my friend had made a few mistakes. However, it was to my dismay a couple weeks after that I got some mail saying that they would not accept me, however my friend was accepted. I never knew the reason for that choice, however it might’ve been because I don’t have the height, the looks that my friend has, or just the fact that I wasn’t white. Perhaps I’ll never know.

However, it’s something that I enjoy, and something that I think could reach people for Jesus. It’s something I might want to pursue when I get back to NZ next year.

Anyways, we’re almost going to start descent now, gotta go.

Dance like no one’s watching,

Sing like no one’s listening,

Life like there’s no tomorrow.

Love as though your heart has never been broken.

2007-04-17T16:24:00.000+12:45

!!!SUPPLIESSSSSSS!!! (or was that Surprise!!! Ask me about this, it's a pretty funny joke)

It would be stupid of me not to thank all my friends who planned a 'surprise' party for me (which i blatantly foiled, bwahahaha). I feel guilty for having them put the effort into having a party for me and not enjoy the 'fruits' of their labor, but at the same time, you know me, I'm a horrible actor. I guess that is a challenge for all my friends to try to really surprise me next time..... if there is a next time... if they ever have the desire to try again... and if i have anymore friends left after spoiling their surprise. :P

I thought I'd lay down my experiences so that if you wish to be a party pooper like moi (and it's not the first time I've foiled one too, so consider me experienced!), here is everything you know:

1) There must be an event, ie your birthday, your anniversary, your leaving, your happy hanukah day, your promotion.
Basically it must be for you! Don't go and foil surprise parties that aren't for you unless you have a death wish! General events like Christmas or Easter do not count so don't expect any surprise parties for you on days like these (Unless of course your birthday is on Xmas).
Application: Well, the guys did pretty well here, they planned to have the party on the day before my birthday! However, still having it so close to my actual birthday roused suspicions.

2) Your friends are acting strangely.
If your friends can't stop giggling or don't wish you happy birthday (half the guys who were at my birthday party) or congratulations, it's not because you smell. It's probably because they've got some dark secret they're trying to hide and don't want you to know.
Application:
i) Well, tons of my friends didn't wish me a happy birthday :( so instead of being sad or angry I got paranoid! Either they were useless friends, or they were forgetful friends (more likely), or they didn't know it was my birthday and that I existed (most likely). I won't name names, you guys know who you were!
ii) My mum had told me we were going out for dinner. Daniel told me we were going to play DoTA after. I asked my mum if I could go out after dinner. She became stone-faced and went "uh............... maybe after 11 or 12" *BIG HINT HERE*
iii) So, we went out for dinner, and Dan Yang called me around 9. And after saying that DoTA was cancelled... ASKED TO TALK TO MY MOTHER. *BIG BIG HINT HERE* When I asked him why, he said "uh..... I want to buy some sunglasses from her." I gave it to my mum, thinking nothing of it, then my mind went BOOM why didn't he ask for my dad instead?! Indeed, my suspicions were roused!
iv) After the suspicious phone conversation with my mother, we were maybe 3/4ths through dinner. My mum suddenly said "Charles, are you full? Feel free to go ahead and go home." *ALARM BELLS TOLLING* She said this while my mouth was still full of tofu and rice!

3) Friends don't conceal their intentions! If your friends are carrying "SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY" signposts when you're around.. pls pls pls pls be aware that there may be a surprise party in your near future.
Application:
i) Driving home after being chased unceremoniously before having my dessert, as I was driving on the street before my home, what do I see? I see this beautiful red and white new Mini Cooper which I had been riding around in just a day before, parked on the side of the road outside my house (Thanks Edward). Next to that, I also saw Amos' car, Eugene's car, and a few others. Hehe, that was when I was sure.
ii) These guys forgot to pack up their shoes in my foyer! Enough said. Lol!

Having said all I have said, I AM STILL BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH GREAT AND WONDERFUL FRIENDS. I appreciate all that you guys did for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Sorry I was a little out of it, I was still pretty tired from Reflect 07! I really wish that you guys had gotten that SWEET guitar for me, but with friends like these, who needs really really really really expensive and awesome guitars? :D You connect the dots.

Thanks to: Dan Yang, Eugene, Wei Lun, Edward, Jimbo, Hsu Lynn, Sarah, Ivan, Gilainne, Ben, Shaun, Abby, Yen, Kimarie, Hensen, Amos, Irvin, Rayvin, TX (did I miss anyone else out?) and all those that wished me happy birthday and even those who didn't.

I'm trying to do 2 3000 word essays which are due next friday. So most of you won't be seeing me till then! But right now I'm participating in something they call a community placement programme and basically, I'm riding around the night shift from 11pm-7am with the police, vanquishing crime and preserving justice and all that jazz! I've already gone through one night, but have two more to go! Will try to keep everyone up to date!

2007-04-14T22:13:00.000+12:45

22 years ago. I was born. Happy birthday to me.

Someone told me that you know you're mature when you don't celebrate your birthday with big bashes anymore. I wonder if that's true? Maybe you just forget to celebrate the fact that life is an awesome gift from God and is worth living.

Age and goodness don't necessarily correlate. I'm growing older, but still trying to be a better man. Thanks God for giving me another year of life, be with me through the next too.

:)

2007-03-29T22:01:00.000+12:45

Excerpt from "Emma"
I wondered if you would find this letter
To leave you in such a manner is my one regret
And yet.. my heart at this moment is somehow strangely filled with calmness and peacefulness
Even knowing it was a love that could not come true for us...
To be able to reach out to you like this..
I was truly happy
The precious memory of you will always be with me
Though we will live apart
I wish you happiness for all time.

I hate sad endings. :(

Emma is the tragic tale of a romance that blossomed but was always doomed to failure.
It main theme is about the difference between different classes - the gentry and the lower class - that was prevalent in the Victorian Era and which still exists even in some socieities today and the exposes the unjust consequences of such a aristocracical system.
Sometimes we have to make the hardest decisions now for the best future.
How will we ever know whether that hardest decision was the right one?
Can love conquer all? Can it truly bridge the gap between two worlds?
Don't be stupid and decide to be a hero and take the fall for me, we're in this together, love is all there is. True love is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
As long as there is hope, the human spirit lives on.

2007-03-04T18:08:00.001+13:45

Genuine Wealth

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:

"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

2007-03-01T23:30:00.000+13:45

Don't worry, I've not gone weird or gotten married nor am I pregnant. The past few posts are just things that I wrote after my last relationship (which was a longggggggggg time ago). I always thought I'd use them for a song or two, but seems like they'll stay just words for now. Which is fine by me.

Heh. Some of those seem funny now that I read them again.

The hopeless romantic never dies.

2007-03-01T23:26:00.000+13:45

Well that's that,
You've said what you needed to say,
And now we stand as separate,
No longer taking a secret joy in that connection that is now 1severed.
And I can only regret the things
I did to make you do what you did.

I should've given you more attention,
I should've been more sympathetic,
I should've been there for you.
But now these things I want to be have changed from 'should've' to 'never will',
Because I'll never get the chance again
Because time cannot turn back the hands of time and I'm left here,
Feeling so sorry for the way I'd treated you,
You didn't deserve it,
It was all me, my life my lies and my ego,

What use is pride when you end up alone with an empty house for a heart.
The warmth I dreamt of was always only a teasing whisper in the breeze.
And my heart continues to reach out for it, grasping the nothingness of an empty illusion.

We often see our mistakes only after we've done them,

We only miss people after they've moved on,

We'll only ever know what we had, once it's gone.

2007-03-01T23:24:00.001+13:45

It's a sunny sunday outside
but inside my heart
just the little things in life
tear me apart
and i'm feeling pressed down
a little bent
like i'm getting worn away
i can't be strong forever
in fact i'm weak as hell today

woh-oh-oh i, i know i'm living a blue monday
the wrong day of the week for my life
just another blue monday
i wish dawn was here but it's never gonna reach
the reds and yellows all turn to grey

i'm feeling lazy
even a little crazy
wondering meanings of nothings
everything's hazy
too many things daze me

looking for this light at the end that's supposed to be in view
but finding nothing more than a wall that calls itself a seal
waiting for the day this crooked will not bend
waiting for the moment this all will end

and even if these wings weren't meant to fly
i'll still gonna spread them wide, i was born to try
for nothing worth something ever came for free
and maybe one day this could just be too easy

2007-03-01T23:18:00.000+13:45

Restless dreams
by the candlelight
illuminate all of my fears inside
the northern wind
sends chills down my spine (it gives me chils)
as i try to keep this
dying flame alive
this dying flame alive

So darling can't you see
Nothing ever comes for free
sometimes you give less than you take
You know your fragile heart I'll never break

I've given up my dreams just to hold you
Gone and lost my way just to find you
Did nothing ever reach your heart
I did it all for you
Gave it all I had
Don't regret it now
You did this to yourself

is it asking too much
is it asking at all
Oh was I a fool to hope your forever meant forever

2007-03-01T23:13:00.000+13:45

Wake up now and smell the roses
And throw the memories of yesterday away
Today's a brand new day and it's time to find a new horizon
It's time for you to put on those new shiny shoes
And let everyone know that you're not here to lose
You gotta give it all your best now
You're gonna make yourself damn proud

Though everyone's waiting for you to fall
I'll be there when you call

Wake up early in the morning
Sunlight's yet to greet the sky
Still the same old story same old life
Bills to pay and things to buy
Chances wasted
Another day's gone
You try your best
but you never belong

And everything's not as it seems
The waves are crashing down on you
The world is spinning round and round
And you're swimming hard trying not to drown
The walls are closing in You can't escape
It's way too late
Take my hand, I'll hold it tight
I'll save you tonight

2007-03-01T22:10:00.000+13:45

2006 was sooooooooooooo last year!

I'm back~ Blogger was giving me some problems but it's all good now, hope u're ready for a new year of lame jokes, contradictory contradictions, oh, and don't forget the seasonal "i feel so lonely.. why does nobody love me" posts.

Happy Chinese New Year, hope all you pigs have a great year ahead (may sound rude but it's not).

Blog ya later, expect so much more :)

2006-12-24T18:52:00.000+13:45

What's been up in my life:

Camps camps camps! And the church Youth Musical! You can read my good friend James Ong's blog for more details! I don't have an internet connection at home in Malaysia, so I don't have much time to blog, and I've been really busy. Hope everyone's going well and has a really great Christmas! God bless you guys~~
http://j-mes.blogspot.com/2006/12/campscampsmusicalpart-1.html

2006-12-12T17:31:00.000+13:45

Blog 2
It was a cool balmy 24 degrees centigrade when the plane touched down in KLIA. It’s been raining apparently, so the huge shock one normally gets from stepping outside of KLIA was somewhat dampened. The extra humidity in the air is still noticeable though. It’s interesting how my brain is handling this, I was surprised that it was like I had not left at all, it’s like once I arrived back in Malaysia, all the time in NZ was a dream. It is as though I had never got on the plane for NZ at the beginning of the year, and that I had just visited KLIA and was about to just head out after a day. I still remember vividly eating at McDonalds with my dad as if it was yesterday, I could probably still remember what we ordered too. Maybe this is what they mean by the saying “when I dream that I am a butterfly, am I a man dreaming I am a butterfly? Or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?” Well.. it is 4.15am NZ time so maybe my mind is just not processing the information correctly.

Even before an hour on the road, and already we’ve seen an accident happen on the motorway. Some boyracer was going too fast when suddenly 2 lanes merged into one because of road works, and the car lost control. Thankfully the car was able to slow down considerably before hitting the barrier, causing minimal damage. But yeah, wow Malaysian driving is scary!

I am now on the way to Bidor, which is about 2 hours away from KL, we have a certain shop that we always stop by for food, it’s become somewhat of a tradition now. It’s great to see mum and dad again, we’ve spent the last hour catching up on each others lives. I’m feeling sleepy, tired, and jetlagged, but also have a sense of security now that I’m in the passenger seat with my parents driving again.
Just like old times.

5.08am – we stopped by Bidor and had a bite to eat. Once again, it seemed like I had just been to it last week, but it has already been a year. I told my parents this and my dad said “yeah of course it hasn’t changed, it hasn’t changed in 20 or 40 years!” Coming back from living in a city, that’s a really difficult concept to grasp, everything changes in a city, and quickly too!
Although I dreaded making the trip back, having to travel for about slightly less than 20 hours, as soon as the food we ordered came and I stuck the first fishball into my mouth, I realised that it was all worth it. Just one bite and all my regrets of leaving disappeared. What price can you put on a taste of home?
We ordered fishball soup, ee mee, a fish dish (haruan), and halfway through my parents decided to order turtle! I felt a bit hesitant at first, seeing how turtles are endangered but when in rome, do as the romans do. It kinda had the texture of beef, although there were other parts which were different like the bone and tendons. I haven’t had turtle in a very long time, possibly about 8 years or so.

There’s no real point in this post, just a record of my thoughts and musings.

2006-12-04T23:37:00.003+13:45

My Perfect Day

It's not everyday you get to go swimming in paradise!

With a great view right next to the swimming pool!

Where the kids are happy,

And the family aren't trying to kill each other,

And the water's clean, cool and refreshing,

And you even have some champagne on the ice...

And let's not forget the kids!

GREETINGS FROM MALAYSIA! I hope everyone is having as great a time as I am! God bless you all these holidays!!

2006-11-23T04:45:00.000+13:45

Here I am, sitting in front of my computer at 3.54am on the 23rd of November 2006. In 10 hours, I will be on a flight due for Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Although the yearly 3 month trip back to Malaysia is a journey that I have made physically, mentally, psychologically many times in my life, it is somewhat different now. It is possibly one of the last few times that I will be able to be with my family for such an extended period of time. I wasn't even supposed to come back for this long this time round were it not for my brother's wedding.

The truth is that most adults that work and live away from their hometowns don't get the chance to spend months reconnecting with their roots in their hometowns. Sometimes they can only spend 2 or 3 days visiting their parents. I am privileged to be able to come back and reintegrate with the town that I grew up in.

I remember that for a period in my teens of about 2 or 3 years, our family never sat down as a family unit together for dinner even once. This was because of our links both to New Zealand and Malaysia, my sister and my brother would be studying in New Zealand, or my parents would be away back in Malaysia. So I was tremendously happy a couple years later when once again my whole family sat at the same table; my father, mother, brother, sister, grandmother and me. That is why I cherish coming home and spending time with my family. It won't be long until my brother moves into his own new house (which is next door to my father's house btw), and my sister and Jake move back to New Zealand, and I'll be somewhere God only knows and the family unit that I know of will forever be changed.

I have got a couple things to look forward to, we are moving into a new house, my brother Anthony Ling is getting married to Jo Cyee after 4-5 years of courtship, the yearly musical that was postponed last year might be held this year, being a helper at the national Methodist Youth camp Youthquake, and seeing old friends and finding new adventures!

And once again, I feel a reluctance to let go of the life I have built this year in New Zealand. I still haven't really cleaned up my house since exams were over. I have close friends whom I do not want to leave for 3 months. I want to explore who I am and what I can be now that I have time.

But these feelings aren't new, these conflicts not unfelt before. It's just that with these old feelings comes a new feeling of urgency. To make the most of my time that I have left in Malaysia.

Because I'll be coming home as usual, but it may not be the usual much longer.

2006-11-23T04:17:00.000+13:45

If only we could see each other as Jesus sees us, there would be no wars and no broken hearts.
Lord, open the eyes of our hearts.

2006-11-22T12:38:00.000+13:45

If home is where the heart is, then the problem with having two hearts is that you're never where half of your heart is.

God, make my heart only for You.

2006-11-21T23:24:00.000+13:45

The most painful thing in this life is when you know that you've found the single greatest truth in your life but have to keep silent about it.

2006-11-21T21:42:00.000+13:45

Of Fairy Tales and Fables

If you look to www.dictionary.com and searched for the word "fable," you would get this as the first result. According to dictionary.com, a fable is "a short tale to teach a moral lesson, often with animals or inanimate objects as characters; apologue: the fable of the tortoise and the hare; Aesop's fables."

How many of us would remember who Aesop was? Or what some of his fables were? And no, Fable is not a computer game developed by Lionhead Studios! I remember reading about the fox and his sour grapes when I was young and learning good a moral lesson - never despise what we cannot get. Looking back in my life, I see that this little lesson has played a big part in my life, and how did i learn this lesson? A mere fable. The television shows that kids watch these days, such as Spongebob Squarepants and Cow and Chicken, seem more for entertainment than for teaching kids about morals and values. Can we blame people then when they don't know anything about sportsmanship or honesty? No, not really. However, some cartoons do attempt to espouse good moral values but once again I would say that it is still overshadowed by the need to entertain. We do need to be mindful of what we feed our children's minds, and our own minds. Anyways, That's not really the point of this post.

An interesting fact, did you know that it was not uncommon for a fable to not have a happy ending? Hansen and Gretel were eaten by the witch, for example. However, people like happy endings and now almost every story you hear has a happy ending.

The REAL point of this post for me to tell you a little fable. I call it:

"The Bird and the Boy"

There once was a boy and a bird. The boy lived by himself in a small house and the bird lived in a nest in a tree just outside the boy's house. Now, it was springtime and so all the birds would chirp and sing but this bird was the best of them all. The bird would sing louder than any other bird. The bird would sing all day, in the morning, in the afternoon and again in the evening.

Now the boy had heard the bird singing every day, but he disliked the bird because it disturbed his peace and quiet. He would chase the bird away everytime the bird began to sing. But the bird, as birds do, continued to sing his merry little song.

One day, the boy was got so angry that he came up with a plan. He would throw poisoned food outside of his house and maybe the bird would eat it and become sick. He did this.

The next day, the boy heard the bird singing again, loud as ever. However, he decided to forget about the bird and continue with his daily life.

One week later, the boy noticed that the bird did not sing anymore. There was no more cheerful chirps around his house during that day. "Maybe the bird is just too busy to sing today," the boy thought. The next day, the boy tried to listen for the bird's song, but again there was no song to be heard. The boy started to get worried but as the days passed, the little bird did not appear.

The boy realised that he missed the bird and its songs. He felt lonely now that the house was so quiet. He remembered how the bird would sing and fill the house with song, but now all that was left was the boy and his little home.

*THE END*

Little bird, where are you? Won't you come back and sing another song?

2006-11-14T04:22:00.000+13:45

My dad and his brothers and sisters have always been close even though there are often a lot of dramas between them. But they know well that blood is thicker than water. When my grandfather was still alive, my uncles and aunties would meet up every night at his house to chat about daily events and when we were young, we would be brought along to this daily ritual. I had stayed at my grandfathers house for a few years with my family after we moved back to Malaysia while my house was being built. So this means that I got to know my cousins pretty well after seeing them every night for years.

I have more than 15 cousins on my father's side. However, I do not consider myself close with all of them. However, there has always been 2 of my cousins that I have considered closer to me than the others. One of these 2 is my cousin Jamie.

My dear beautiful cousin Jamie was married on the 4th of November 2006. She is 2 years older than me but sometimes I felt that I was the one protecting her from all her admirers (and she had a lot!). We have always been close since we were young. I remember the times when we were younger when we would play Ghost, and cook things on milo lids with candles for fires, and go out with lanterns during the mooncake festival to 'scare evil spirits' away. I will also always remember being taken to Pesta Laut (before they banned it!) with your family and how you and Annie told me it was bad to whistle at night because real ghosts would follow me home. I remember the talks and laughs we shared throughout the years. Your family helped make me feel welcome when I was just a young boy who had just moved back from New Zealand and had no friends. I am just so grateful to God for such a great cousin.

However, girls who dream of marriage change into women who get married so CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I pray God's blessing on your marriage and may you bring God's presence to your new family! Sorry I couldn't make it because I had exams then. So a note on blogspot will have to do for now till I can offer you my congrats in person.

We are still close (she works for my dad), but I wonder how things will turn out now that you're married. Will we still be the same? Somehow I think we will. :) Benz you are a very lucky guy, you need to take care of my cousin or you will have to answer to me! Hehe, I guess I still got that protective streak in me.

Congratulations Jamie, may you find your happily ever after. I think you owe me a celebratory dinner when I get back to Malaysia. ;)

2006-10-30T00:26:00.000+13:45

"No I'm not color blind. I know the world is black and white"

The lyrical genius that is John Mayer. From his album "Continuum," highly recommended, highly enjoyed. Damn near made me cry once I found what the words were.
The song is about life, and how fast it passes, and how we can never seem to stop it.

Psalm 39 says
4 "Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Selah
6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.
7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

Land Law test tomorrow.

Stop This Train - John Mayer

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
I try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
I don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I will never stop this train

2006-10-05T22:35:00.000+13:45

People normally chase people, then find out whether they like each other or not. I'm not one of those, I decide whether I'm in the right place, whether I like the girl, and if I do, then i chase after her. It's a method that causes a whole lot of heartache (in a life full of heartaches already) and I guess as a result, I'm very cautious of giving my heart away. Call in insecurity, I call it self-sacrifice. Call it stupidity, I call it living how I want to. I don't care that it's not how the world operates. But that's how I'll keep going, as long as I can. Until someone sees me for who I am.
Call it sentimental suicide... I call it loving the love of your life even before she loves you. I'm going to love her for her, not for my insecurities, not for my need of companionship, not because it seemed the right thing to do at the time.

"i believe, my life's gonna see, the love I give, returned to me."

2006-09-29T00:28:00.000+12:45

AOCF Concert 2006!

We haven't had a AOCF concert in 3 years now! I still remember it quite vividly, had a pretty good time, I sang "Sick Cycle Carousel" by Lifehouse, lost in a fooseball match to a 7 year old, and heard after about the numerous complaints we got from neighbours about the noise level! Rest assured we are never welcome to have another concert at that hall anymore. I was nervous back when singing back then. However this time I'm singing 6 songs!! Eek that's a bit of a promotion isn't it?

We still haven't really got a name for the band yet. Although its members consist of:
Baz: Drums
Tian Xiang: Guitar
Amos: Guitar
Iggy: Bass
Me: Vocals
Plus
Tania: Synth
Lily: Vocals
will be joining us for a few songs.

These guys are the greatest, it's an honour to be in a band with these guys. I've always looked up to these guys. They are all so musical, and I feel like I have the least to contribute.

I can't disclose the songs list yet, showmanship you see? Apparently it's not good to let people know what songs you are singing until the performance itself. Kinda like knowing the plot before reading a book I guess? it's much more rockier than what I've ever done though, we've even got a bit of screamo! However I am enjoying jumping around like a spastic schizophrenic bugger on stage, hopefully the atmosphere at the concert will be charged enough so that I can do stuff like that without looking like a complete idiot!

Anyways, the details are:
Location: Elim City Church, 74 Cook Street, City Block District.
Time: 7.30pm
What: 4 bands, 1 dance group, competitions, prizes, FREE ICE-CREAM!
How much: 10 dollars (fundraising for AOCF)

I've had a lot of trouble selling tickets to my friends, I initially thought I'd be able to sell 20 easily, but apparently the 30th September 2006 is one of the busiest nights in people's schedules! Either that or I don't have a lot of friends... People have parties to attend, birthdays to celebrate, pets that need burying, headaches to enjoy.. you get the picture. However people are coming in at the last minute and buying tickets off me, so that's been encouraging!

Lemme know if you want a ticket!
Let's just hope I don't end up being another person. Need a hint? Look down.

Oh well, it's all for the glory of God! Thanks God for the opportunity to sing for You!
Will let you know how it all turns out! :D

2006-09-23T02:35:00.000+12:45

Fool, by the time you realise you really like her, she's already gone!

Don't it always seem to go, and you don't know what you go till it's gone.

2006-09-11T01:15:00.000+12:45

Highlights of the Hols!
1) Rocking it up with the Six Man Sumo Squat Squad aka Kitten's Kite (depending on which day it is) at the UMSA ball 2006!! I was sick until the last day, couldn't sing at all really, but God was good to me and we did great! Big props to TX, Irvin, Ian, Jun Bin, and our invisible 6th member!
2) Carving it up with friends on the mega-mountain that is Ruapehu! We snowboarded at Turoa, thank God for perfect weather, unlimited visibility, and just the breeze in your face hurtling down the mountain at breakneck speeds and adrenaline pumping through your veins. Best snowboarding ever! Great company too! Ronald, Amos, Ben, Hsen Han, Tania, Cheryl, Gladys, Matt Loh, Evan, Lydia, Ivan, Stephz and Edward!
3) Checking it out at the windy city that is Wellington along with the WICF crew that is Fiona, Francesca, Ruth, Elaine, Jessica, Daniel, Peng, Aik Win, and many many more. You guys rock!! Thanks Peng for putting up with 3 of us for that long, I admire your voice bro! Remember Ruth, we're having that fishing trip with the huge oyster buffet one day!!
The rest of the hols just disappeared in games of dota, my trusty PS2, working on assignments, eating lots of good food (thank you Mum and Dad), and hanging out!

On a sad note, rest in Peace Steve Irwin, we will remember you for your passion and your enthusiasm. You can rest in the knowledge that you did make a difference in making people love animals more. God bless you and be with your family.

On another note,
"Oh Lord, that you would bless me indeed
that you extend my territory,
and that your Hand may be upon me,
and help me avoid Evil." ~The Prayer of Jabez
All for Your Glory, it all belongs to You.

2006-08-23T22:53:00.002+12:45

God, I miss that feeling
God says "wait"
God, I want to wake up in the morning knowing she cares for me
God says "wait"
God, I want to talk about nothing on the phone with her
God says "wait"
God, I want to act stupid, make her laugh, and brighten up her day
God says "wait"
God, I want to write her songs, poems, letters
God says "wait"
God, I just want to hold her hand
God says "wait"
God, all my friends have boyfriends and girlfriends
God says "wait"
God, I want to be able to call her mine
God says "wait"
God, I want to protect her and take care of her
God says "wait"
God, I'm not getting any younger
God says "wait"
God, this isn't going according to my plan
God says "wait"
God, I don't think any girl could love me
God says "wait"
God, what if I forget how to love
God says "wait"
God, haven't I learnt my lesson yet?
God says "wait"
God, when is she going to come? Will she ever come?
God says "wait"

God, she'd better be worth it.
God said "Oh, she will be."

Till then, I will keep seeking the Lord and do all I can for Him. But know this..

I'm still waiting for YOU...

2006-07-31T22:59:00.000+12:45

Sometimes we can't reach for the stars until we're brave enough to let go of the ground.

2006-07-13T20:01:00.000+12:45

Time

Time

Only Human - by K
On the other shore of sadness,
It is said that there is a smile,
Finally we arrived,
But what are we waiting for?

The purpose is not to run away,
It's to chase after dreams
We should have gone out to travel,
On that summer day so long ago,

Even tomorrow, if you see it.
Thought there isn't a sigh either,
Like a ship going against the current flow,
Right now, go forward, move ahead

Even if it cuts through the rain and clouds
The wet roads shine,
Only the dark will teach,
A stronger and stronger light,
Be strong, go forward move ahead.

Time... there's not nearly enough to do everything I want to do. If I had all the time in the world, I would be able to do it all, I would be able to play ALL of my Playstation games and ALL of my PC games, become good at guitar and singing, pick up a new language, do well in my studies, have a huge circle of friends and maintain close relationships with them all. I would have time for a girlfriend. I think if we all had time, we would be nicer people too.

The thing is, no one realises what they've got till it's gone. You don't realise how valuable each tick is worth, how every day the sun comes up is a blessing from God Himself. You don't know this, until you find out your time on Earth is limited. Ask a 99 year old, ask a person dying from sickness how important is each day? How would you change your life if you knew that you were going to die soon? What would you want people to say at your funeral?

I guess that's why we have priorities in life. We determine what we give each priceless hour of our day to. How do we spend our time, and who/what do we give it to? Are the priorities right in my life? Are the priorities right in yours? Do we do the things that really matter in life? I guess that's what God put us here on Earth to decide.

Life is but a moment, don't regret yesterday, and live today so you won't have any regrets tomorrow. Don't let this make you feel depressed, instead, appreciate each and every rainbow in your life, appreciate the people who mean something to you, appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly.

Lamentations 3:22-23 says "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Thank you God for every chance I get to wake up, and every day that I get to live to glorify Your name. Thank you for every bad day, thank you for every good day. Help me to live life to the fullest till the day I die. But also help me to do the things that hold true meaning in life.

2006-07-13T19:12:00.000+12:45

My TSCF 2006 Conference experience

I was at the TSCF Conference from the 4th-9th of July 2006 and although I wasn't really looking forward to it, somehow I just ended up there! However I'm glad to say by the time it ended I was wishing it would've went longer! The food there was good but of course not as good as homecooked malaysian food (phew, I won't be 'dibuang negara' now) but after a usual diet of KFC, BK, McD's, Wendys and Pizza's, I was glad to be eating rice and bread.

Also, the messages were just what I needed to hear. Thank God for His impeccable timing again. I was at one of the lowest points at my Christian walk in a while, and spent the first few sessions arguing with God (amazed I didn't get struck by lightning). However God won out [don't try arguing with an omnipotent God, doesn't work] in the end and I had to forgive myself for some things in my life. God also provided me with people that I could talk to, rather than what I've been doing which is struggling with it all alone.

However, the highlight was meeting the FUNNY CRAZY WACKY WEIRD family of God that I found out I had in NZ, especially Wellington but also from many other places!! Honestly it was just so good to meet new people with love for God, and were soo awesome to hangout with. It was so great just meeting the extended family of God!! I have a lot of memories with these people that I just met a few days ago, it's crazy! On the last night of camp we basically pulled an all nighter, driving around Auckland, drinking coffee and eating cake, lying in the middle of Symonds Street at 3 am in the morning, and playing games by Mission Bay. Definately memories I will cherish for awhile! :)

But camp, yeah! Some people said it was boring and not worth going to, but I give it a 9 out of 10!! Why only 9 you ask? Because you'd have to come to an AOCF camp to experience a full 10!!! But yes, I thank God for making it such a great week of my life, and for leading me back to Him, back to the Cross!

PS: it's only a ploy to get more people join AOCF Easter camp next year!

2006-05-31T01:49:00.000+12:45

Well it's wednesday and my NZ Idol 3 Audition (only the first round, I'm not expecting to be crowned just yet! :P) is on saturday! I'm gonna see if I can grab a friend's camera and take some photo's of the experience, although I doubt they'll let me. Anyhoo, I'm still at a loss for song choice! Eeep I know that's bad! I've been busy studying for my tests though and haven't had much time to think about this. I had a research assignment due on friday, an equity test on monday, and a 50% jurisprudence test on thursday! Oh boy I'm in trouble!

But I'm just gonna give it my best, have fun, hopefully not make a fool outta myself, and if i do, just pop out the "i've had no vocal training" line i guess (kidding!)! I know there will be a lot of talented singers there, but I'm just gonna give it the best I can. I decided to do a bit of research, and here were the songs that the top 10 of NZ Idol2 chose to sing for their Judge Auditions:

Rosita - NZ Idol - I Have Nothing - Whitney Houston
Nik - Runner up - You Should Let Me Love You - Mario
Rongo - Superstar - Carpenters
Keshia - (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman - Aretha Franklin
Jesse - Be Yourself - Audioslave
Frank - O - Omarion
Ashley - When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating
Steven - Tomorrow - 'Annie'
Teresa - Secret Song - Alanis Morissette
Shelley - ??

I've cut down the list of possible songs I'm going to sing, but I guess I might have to decide on the day itself!
I Can Go The Distance - from Hercules or Michael Bolton
Sukiyaki - 4pm
Eternity - Robbie Williams

Exciting stuff!!

2006-05-17T02:37:00.000+12:45

Cockroaches aren't the Survivors we would be led to think they are!

Yikes, I have had a phobia of cockroaches ever since I was little! I remember it was one Chinese New Years Eve. Actually these were really fun times as we lived just opposite a field and people would shoot fireworks at each others houses (none actually caught on fire thankfully/woefully!). I was much too young to participate without blowing any of my limbs up so I was made to stand next to my mother underneath a tree. Here I was enjoying the spectacle when suddenly a disgusting little cockroach fell from the tree onto me. It was at night and I was only about 3 then. Imagine my horror (and its horror!) as it scrambled across my body. I think I was yelling and jumping and crying just trying to get it off, and no I did not create the Macarena dance that night! However, since then, I have always been a little wary of the little buggers!

New Zealand is not normally a place where you see too many roaches. The rare ones that you do see are tiny little creatures that wouldn't scare anyone. Imagine my shock when after taking a shower, I saw one crawling on my sink! This one was big for a New Zealand roach (not as big as a Malaysian one though). I freaked! I went around looking for something that could squash it. A book? No, i didn't want to stain my favourite toilet reading material. Some tissue paper? No, those roaches are quick as lightning and i didn't want to feel it struggling before I made it go squish! I then went downstairs and searched for some insectide which I remembered was around the house. Unfortunately I have the memory of an 80 year old goldish and couldn't find it, most probably it never existed! I quickly ran back up to the scene of the crime (or soon-to-be crime as I was gonna murder the poor little thing). It was still there on the sink, sneering and heckling at me!

Lousy Roach! Give you chance to escape and still you want to stick around!

I checked the toilet cabinet and voila, my weapon of choice was at hand! And so I took out the hairspray and aimed it at the arthropod. This was perfect! I would not have to get my hands dirty and there would be a fragrant smell after the deed! I pressed down on the button and let loose on the insect, covering it with hairspray! Eventually it died, a combination of drowning in hairspray and being stuck as a result of the hairspray drying, and was sent to a watery grave (flushed!). I then did a victory jig in celebration of my victory (No i didn't).

However, I was led to believe that Cockroaches would outlast humans because I've heard that even if there was a nuclear bomb that wiped out all of humanity, that Cockroaches would survive the radioactive fallout while we disappeared from the annals of history. However if they can be killed by simply hairspray (although I did administer a LOT of hairspray onto it), I wonder if scientists need to reconsider this proposition. Life lesson learnt that hairspray is an effective insectide if used in copious amounts. Kinda makes you wander what they put into hair spray??

2006-05-05T02:14:00.000+12:45

Well I have pretty much decided to try out for NZ Idol 3 (hopefully I don't live to regret this!) and hopefully I do get around to sending in the registration form because Monday is the final date that it has to be received! However I have been at my wits end deciding what my audition piece should be, so I have come up with the brilliant idea (if it works!) to put up a list of possible songs that I would like to do and have you guys tell me which song I should do!

Now I don't think I'm the best singer out there, I am far from it, but I love to sing and I would definately love the chance to get some guidance from professionals (like Suzanne Lynch who trains the singers while they are on idol).

For an audition piece, it needs to be a piece that will impress the judges, that reveals the strength (and not weaknesses) of my voice, it needs to be memorable and I must be not wearing tight leather hotpants while singing it (or any other embarassing items of clothing, ie. spandex or a tutu). I would love further suggestions too if there are any songs you think I should consider, but here is the current list!

Angels (by Robbie Williams)
Eternity (by Robbie Williams)
My Girl (by ??)
Your Song (from Moulin Rouge)
Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water (by Simon & Garfunkel)
If You're Not The One (by Daniel Bedingfield)
Let Me Entertain You (by Robbie Williams)
Sukiyaki (cover by 98 Degrees)

Please comment and give me feedback, I could be the next idol (or William Hung)!!

2006-04-29T16:31:00.000+12:45

"That's How Mercy Saw Me"
The years had left scars,
And the scars have left pain,
How could he recognize me,
For I wasn't the same;
I knew I should pay and I knew the price,
For justice and law had demanded my life.

O but his tender heart heard my desperate cry,
And he saw all my past through merciful eyes!

Beautiful, that's how mercy saw me,
For I was broken and so lost;
Mercy looked at all my faults.
Justice of God saw what I had done,
But mercy saw me through the Son;
Not what I was but what I could be,
That's how mercy saw me!

For sin had stolen all my dignity,
And all my self esteem;
But I was made brand new again,
When mercy looked at me.

Beautiful, that's how mercy saw me,
For I was broken and so lost;
Mercy looked at all my faults.
Justice of God saw what I had done,
But mercy saw me through the Son;
Not what I was but what I could be,
That's how mercy saw me!

Not what I was but what I could be,
That's how mercy saw me!

That's how mercy saw me!

2006-04-29T15:25:00.000+12:45

Backlogged To Bangkok

No sorry this post has nothing to do with any exciting adventures to Thailand and there are no Tigers (or Thai Girl's, depending on how you pronounce it *wink wink*) to see here. If you want to read up on stuff like that I suggest you go to www.kennysia.com (shameless plug! good read though!) However I happened to have noticed that my blog is seriously in need of an update!

And since I don't really have the time to write an entry, I found an entry that I was supposed to have posted when I was still in Malaysia. Many things happened then, my niece and nephew were a year older, a potential love was lost, amongst many other things, some things never mentioned will just fade into the fog of forgotten history and I'm alright with that. Anyways, here's the post!

Home is where the heart is… but where is my heart?
And just as quick as it began, it had come to an end. 3 months have flown past! The same sights, the same memories, the same people, the same place that I call home, and now was the time I had to return back to the ‘other place.’ Ironic that soon, this place would be the ‘other place.’ I don’t know which one is home, it is wherever I happen to be, and I am wont to shift. I guess home is where the heart is, and if so, anyone know of a place to donate one since I think I have two.

Leaving so soon?
Having stored up enough memories to make it through another grueling year of university and enough weight to survive the habit of laziness or ineptitude in cooking, it’s time to pack up my bags and leave this place. This feeling of non-productivity chews at my soul, I want to be learning or at least contributing, holidays don’t really suit me and thus it is time to leave. I must really be my workacholic father’s son.

The Linked Independent
I did not spend as much time with my family (especially my parents) as I would’ve liked, for which part I am mostly to blame. But thankfully there will be time when my mother arrives in NZ early March. Living in Malaysia in a house with my parents, my grandmother, my brother, my sister and her husband and her two children (not to mention 3 maids), I am not my own, it will be refreshing to be independent again, but also testing. Do I still have what it takes or has these three months changed me?

The End of an Era
Having spent 3 months in Malaysia, and having seen my friend Jackson almost every day in those months, it is impossible to not acknowledge his friendship and how much it means. The student has become the teacher, and I am now the student and even after many hours of DoTA tutelage, I have come to the conclusion that I am not a very good student. He still gets all the Godlikes and I get the Doglikes. Jackson leaves for America in March, and he is anything like you Matt, it will be 5 years before I see him again because of our differing holidays. And maybe it will bring change, or maybe he will remain the same, time will tell. However it is truly the end of an era.

Ever the same, ever different
Things will be different next year when I come back, we’ll be moving into a new house, my dear cousin will be married, and that new supermarket will be opening up. And these are only the things that I can foresee! How much more those which I cannot? But for now, thank you Malaysia, thank you Sitiawan, thank you Wesley Methodist Church, thank you friends, I will once again grace your shores next year. It won’t be too long till I start working and may not get the chance to come back for long anymore, I will cherish every moment.

John Mayer – “Wheel”
And airports see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

I believe that my life's gonna see
That love I give returned to me

A sidenote: the search begins again, I am all alone, only God is my sole companion. It stings, but it is for the best for now, God will make a way

2006-03-25T15:20:00.000+12:45

I've been blogging on my community blog mostly. It's URL is http://citya1.blogspot.com feel free to check it out if you want but I'll warn you it's full of Manglish and may be detrimental to the educated English speaker! :)

Anyways, I was just reading http://www.kennysia.com as I do sometimes for entertainment. And on it was this post about http://www.myheritage.com. (Wow, there's a whole lot of plugging going on in this blog!) Myheritage.com has this cool feature which checks the characteristics of your face and matches it up against those of celebrities and presents you with the best results! Check his webpage for some hilarious results.

But yeah, being who I am, I couldn't wait to try it out myself. Who would I look like? Orlando Bloom? George Clooney? Maybe even Brad Pitt or good ol Tom Cruise himself. I was sorely disappointed!

Hahah I obviously have a very asian face. Except for the last one! MAN! gotta get rid of my tan :P I'm now very jaded about this service. haha!

~Keep Smiling!

2006-03-15T12:51:00.000+13:45

Note to self: I need to realise, more likely, i need to accept that nobody in this world is perfect, not even me. I need to change myself to be more accepting of others, including myself. Not in the little things, but in the huge parts of my life. Being a perfectionist sucks~ :)
However, I do worry that if I let myself slip, the world will not be accepting of me. Ahh.. the conundrums of life certainly do tease and antagonise the mind.

2006-03-04T15:08:00.000+13:45

Haha what fun times we had then :)

2006-02-28T01:30:00.000+13:45

Really sad song, I cried a little while watching, haha am I too feminine? Doubt it :P Plus, it's cool to be feminine these days.

Uhm the singer is Michael Wong Guang Liang, and he's a very famous singer in Taiwan, and he's born and raised in Ipoh! Which is only one hour away from Sitiawan. Hahah it's not impossible to reach the stars even though you were once in the gutter. Gives me hope :)

The song is called Tong Hua or Fairytale from the album of the same name.
Enjoy (or cry rather!) :)

2006-02-25T03:37:00.000+13:45

Well blog I haven't really been in touch with you for a couple months now. I dunno why? I guess there's nothing to write about when everything is smooth sailing. Or that I just wanted to enjoy the moment without having to write it all down.

But i will try to sum up what i've felt, what i've seen, what i've learnt, and who i've lost in a blog soon enough. I just thank God for everything and everyone back in Malaysia. I pray to God that He will continue to teach me to walk in His ways, and to teach me the error of mine. I've still got a lot of growing up to do, must never get complacent.

Keep me close to you Lord Jesus, because sometimes I feel so far away.

2005-12-09T23:22:00.000+13:45

2005-12-07T23:40:00.000+13:45

December 7 1AM

My grandmother is one of the people I admire most. She was born in China, went to a missionary-run school as a teenager, and caught a boat to someplace called Sitiawan with a friend and her friend’s uncle for God knows what reason. She was never married, she adopted my mother from my blood grandmother because my mother was the 8th child. My blood grandmother could not afford another baby and couldn’t do anything but give her away, but she could do even less to prevent a pregnancy because of a lack of contraception in those days. Those were the days where you would work 40-60 hour weeks and count yourself lucky if you had meat on your plate twice a week.

My grandmother was also a pastor of a church that survives even until today, and in those days, where gender equality was unheard of, a female pastor was probably even more so a peculiar sight. She is still referred to as Nguriengan which is a sign of respect by many people. She also provided many people refuge with her as they hid in makeshift huts in the jungle during the Japanese invasion and occupation. I still remember as a small child, she would always come and tuck me into bed, she would read me a Bible story and pray for me before I go to bed. She would take care of me when my mother got sick and tired of my naughtiness.

I would love to write a book on her to journal her life, but living in a small town there are no records, and since my grandmother is 94 not many of her peers are around any longer to give testimony on her life. But what is most tragic, is that my grandmother suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Although we have not had her diagnosed medically, the symptoms are clear. It can be somewhat heartbreaking at times.

She forgets my name, she calls me Anthony which is my brothers name. And after telling her my name, she feigns a remembrance but within 10 minutes my name is forgotten again. She knows that I’m studying, and since the one week I’ve been back, she has asked me how much longer I have to study and if I’m going away again to study at least 30-40 times, she’ll repeat the same set of questions every 10 minutes. She’ll also keep trying to offer me food which I reject, and brings it to me too. I hate to see her strain her frail and gradually weakening body to get me food, so I try to discourage her from getting me food and saying that I’ve already eaten, but in the next 10 minutes she forgets and does it again. She can’t even read anymore, a favourite past time of hers, because she no longer remembers what happens after she puts her book down, this makes her not able to enjoy television either. She can string basic sentences together, but if attempting anything more, she tends to stutter something incomprehensible. Most days all she can do is sit and wait for time to pass, time for Jesus to come and take her home again,

I try not to think about this because I get sad when I dwell on it, I can only begin to wonder what goes on in her mind. I know I love my grandmother, but sometimes it can be so hard to be patient with her and not get frustrated and all the time I wish I could help her get better or not be bored. I question why she has lived such a great life and been reduced to such an anticlimactic fate, I wish her mind was sharp and we could have conversations, I wish she was strong and could still participate in normal activities of life. I wish that she could remember my name. But we all grow old, don’t we? And I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I know Jesus has a great reward stored up for her in heaven when she will never forget anything. And most of all, I know that I will keep loving my grandmother until the day she dies and beyond.

Because once, I didn’t know her name, but she knew mine,
And whenever I was hungry, without asking her, she would feed me,
Whenever I had a question, she would answer it,
Whenever I was in need of help, she would give me a hand,
And whenever I needed prayer, she was there already kneeling and crying out to God.

I owe her much more than just filial duty, I owe her so much of her love that she poured out into me… and when she needs my help, I will not get frustrated and try my best to repay her while I can. I love my grandmother.

“Yet He loved us, while we were still yet sinners”
I love more, because I was first loved most.

2005-12-07T23:32:00.000+13:45

I’m sitting in my dad’s car right now, they came to pick me up and it’s a straight 3 hour drive till I’m back in Sitiawan. The flight itself wasn’t too bad, only mild turbulence here and there but like I said, nothing too bad. The movies were great, I got to see 3 movies, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bewitched, and Bob the Butler, all 3 were pretty good but I’m not much of a critic.

Got a buzzy bee for Caleb, because every kiwi kid needs to have a buzzy bee, it was expensive but I thought that it was the least that an uncle could do, that is spoil his niece/nephew. Got some nice jewellery for Kaitlyn, I hope she likes it, I feel bad missing her birthday but I’m hoping that’s not how kids think and they are more forgiving than adults. In about 2.5 hours I will find out.

Met Ben and Lakshmi in the airport before we took off. Met and had a quick chat with Ben on the plane before the flight attendant told us to bugger off because we were near the emergency hatch and he was worried we were terrorists and going to release while flying at 40000 feet above sea level. Bet I could’ve found more people I knew on the plane if I tried but I wasn’t feeling too sociable, much happier reading my gaming magazine and watching movies. Fell in and out of sleep, but was mostly awake for the flight. Have to thank Abigail Ann Rutland for taking me to the airport and being so awesome, if you ever read this, thanks!

Abby asked me today, isn’t it hard living two different lives? Frankly, yes it is. I’m not living completely different lives, I’m just living separate lives. I said that just because you’re at one point of your life doesn’t mean you should ignore the past. Malaysia is and will always be home to me in some way, althought NZ is becoming home too. That is why when we were going out I absolutely wanted her to come to Malaysia to see this side of me. I wasn’t going to get into any serious relationship without them knowing the “whole package.” At the same time, I guess once you know me in my capacity in Malaysia and New Zealand, you will have gained so much more of my trust because you know where I come from, and can probably understand me better.

How do I feel right now? Disjointed I guess. Familiar smells, views and sights are like a smack in the face. I’m still on the highway but I’ve seen the typical Malaysian terrace shops and already felt the grit in the air sticking onto me like metal to a magnet. I can never believe how far we can travel in one day nowadays. Kinda suspicious that it’s just like the Truman Show and I’m just sitting in a pod while all the workers are changing the scene for me. I’m hungry…. I can never really eat on airplanes, I end up getting sick. I don’t like the air in planes, it’s not natural. We’re going to stop on the way home for a bite to eat.

Tomorrow we will continue the tradition that always occurs when I get back to Malaysia. In the morning, I will follow my family out for breakfast to eat the local delicacy, “kono mee” or “kampuang mein” or just black sauce noodles. Then I’ll hang around until it’s time to start daily bball sessions at church, normally around 5-5.30. And probably be busy for the rest of the week saying hello to old, but constant friends. Times have changed, but still so many things remain the same. It’s comforting to have my parents in the front seat again just like when I was little. Thanking God for airconditioning, and feeling sorta hungry.

I’m home.

2005-11-29T02:31:00.001+13:45

Time : 1.48AM 29/11/05
Place: Home, as always.
Event: Coming home (wherever that is)

He sits there. Having spent the last 2 hours entertaining his friends and as the last one left the door, it starts to sink in.

"Wow, I can't believe it's that time of year again" he thinks to himself.

He isn't over the moon yet neither is he reluctant to go, he just feels... conflicted. So full of emotion yet neither one overtaking the other and leaving him just smack dab in the centre which makes him confused about whether he actually cares whether he's going or not? But deep down he knows he does care, but right now it is a dead stalemate and he knows that in the next few days, both sides will boast victories and losses over each other, leaving him in the rollercoaster ride.

He has had his life change at least twice on this day on prior occasions, both times for the worse (or so it seemed). Twice he had a girlfriend the day before and by the time he stepped onto the plane, for all intensive purposes, he was single. But he was never one to linger on such thoughts, "it's all for the best, it always is" he thought.

This was Catalyst Day, the day where everything changed. And like everyone else, he was afraid of change. Yet change brought the most growth and produces maturity, and yet maturity was something he thought he had yet lacked at the same time. It was what everyone wanted and what everyone hated, "what a contradiction" he thought, but this wasn't new to him, the world was a contradiction unto itself anyways.

Yet, he was single this year, having already beat the plane so that didn't bother him. He had a lot of things going on for him, friends to spend time with, something that he rarely got to do on more than a superficial level while he was studying; computer games to finish, music to write, and oh, that book he borrowed and had yet to finish.

Yet it wasn't all bad, he knew that he only got to see his family once or twice a year, and that he was missing out on his niece's and nephew's childhood. And it was always the last time that he thought he would see his grandmother, a 94 year old tender thing that was strong as an ox but yet senile as a mule. It usually was the other way round with elderlys. He would visit her as much as he could while the opportunity was still available, it was the least he could do. He knew he would once again understand what it would be like to have a family, something he would forget living alone sometimes.

He would miss his freedom, to do things whenever they needed to be done, yet he would appreciate having other people pay for dinner, or driving him around. The economist in him knew all the advantages and disadvantages, but the realist in him knew that in the end it was all equally balanced and in fact, it really didn't matter anyways. Home was where the heart was, and there were pieces lying around both in New Zealand and Malaysia.

"Ah well, there isn't any time to sit and ponder anymore, it was 2.23am now, and the plane would leave in about 12 hours. A smile or a tear could wait, he needed to go through and make sure he had packed all he needed for the next 3 months of change."

Change My Heart O God,
Make It Ever True
Change My Heart O God,
May I Be Like You

I'm coming home

2005-11-17T17:18:00.000+13:45

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu <--- longest name of a location EVER!

2005-11-01T13:54:00.000+13:45

Old girl-winner quote: "I love beautiful sunsets by the beach"

Thank goodness these crabs tasted better than they looked (jk, we don't eat local wildlife.. much!)

A nice swimming pool for the 'tamer' ones who're afraid of swimming with the crabs, fishes, man-eating walruses, poisonous sea rats, explosive jellyfish etc etc

Very picturesque and soothing, especially when there's a gentle seabreeze.

But the most valuable? Good times with good friends of course!! :)

2005-11-01T12:50:00.000+13:45

The day before my criminal law exam, I've been dreaming of home. I come from a small little town close to the sea in Perak, tropical Malaysia. So small and so little, yet such a big part of me.

It is something that I'm quite used to and think nothing of living in a small tropical town but I could imagine it being a whole different world to others out there. I think I could still possibly be a 'kampung boy (village boy)' through and through, I'm quite proud of it really. I have always been proud to be HockChiew/FooChow, a Christian, and to be from Sitiawan.

I've always wanted to show some of my New Zealand friends this part of me, but none of them have made the effort to visit me yet (I was especially disappointed when my ex-gf didn't want to come, but it does cost a bit). But that doesn't stop me from spamming you guys with pictures!

The little jewel in my backyard, Pulau Pangkor. Very small, very secret, but some of the best coral reefs and beautiful beaches!
http://www.pulau-pangkor.com/

And where I'm going to spend a considerable amount of time in Malaysia, Marina Cove. Lovely little beach and great fun for a game of beach volleyball, or a swim in the pool, or catching the crabs and fish in the sea, or lazing around getting a tan (not that you want one in malaysia, it's much better to look fair in malaysia), or watching the packs of monkeys that come to the seaside, or just enjoying a nice dinner at the japanese restaurant. Sigh... dreaming of home...
http://www.cuti.com.my/hotel/info.php3?id=1804&hotel=Sherwood+Marina+Cove+Lumut

Back in paradise in a month's time.... Can't wait :)

2005-10-27T01:07:00.000+13:45

Don't worry about my last post, I think it's just because I spent the whole day trying to figure out something that I don't really understand. I'm just frustrated and kicking myself for not understanding it. I think most of you guys would be the same when reading about the interpretation of exclusion/exemption clauses in law. I'll be ok.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land, that I heard of once,
In a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams
That you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day, I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Way up above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me

I know somewhere over the rainbow
The blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I

2005-10-27T00:37:00.000+13:45

I think I'm about to crack, there's only so much information a person can handle, and it's come to the point where I'm questioning my ability to learn, I fear I might've lost my ability to learn!
Coz I understand it, but then when I bring my mind to it again, I can't recall it.

There's so much to know, and so little time to know it all in. Have I reached my limit? I've only studied for 2 out of my 4 exams, I haven't even thought about the other 2 yet. If you ever want a subject that will test your mental robustness and push you to the edge of your sanity, law is for you. Now I'm starting to really regret doing 4 Law Papers instead of the normal prescribed 2.

I have to take this systematically, not worry about the ones in future, focus on the current ones, concentrate, but honestly, i'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Is this challenge too much for me to handle? I get to thinking that maybe I've never come across a challenge before in my life, and when I come to a small challenge, I start to crack. I dunno, is four law exams a challenge? I need to prove that I have what it takes to stand up against challenges in life. If I fail in achieving my goals, I let my whakapapa (genealogy - I could be the only one in my generation of my family to graduate from a University), my parents, my friends, and mostly I'm afraid of letting myself down. I MUST PASS these exams, this storm will come to an end, the effort that you sow you will reap. A little sanity sacrificed is worth the end result, so I tell myself. And I hope I'm right.

~Thinking Schizophrenically.

How's this for a quote? Morals are only good so when you go crazy you don't go on a maniacal killing spree. Because when your mind is gone, your morals still linger. Wow am I in need of psychological attention? I'm not known for being unstable, normally I'm the logical one. Hopefully it'll go away.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but at least I'm honest.