Restless dreams
by the candlelight
illuminate all of my fears inside
the northern wind
sends chills down my spine (it gives me chils)
as i try to keep this
dying flame alive
this dying flame alive

So darling can't you see
Nothing ever comes for free
sometimes you give less than you take
You know your fragile heart I'll never break

I've given up my dreams just to hold you
Gone and lost my way just to find you
Did nothing ever reach your heart
I did it all for you
Gave it all I had
Don't regret it now
You did this to yourself

is it asking too much
is it asking at all
Oh was I a fool to hope your forever meant forever

Wake up now and smell the roses
And throw the memories of yesterday away
Today's a brand new day and it's time to find a new horizon
It's time for you to put on those new shiny shoes
And let everyone know that you're not here to lose
You gotta give it all your best now
You're gonna make yourself damn proud

Though everyone's waiting for you to fall
I'll be there when you call

Wake up early in the morning
Sunlight's yet to greet the sky
Still the same old story same old life
Bills to pay and things to buy
Chances wasted
Another day's gone
You try your best
but you never belong

And everything's not as it seems
The waves are crashing down on you
The world is spinning round and round
And you're swimming hard trying not to drown
The walls are closing in You can't escape
It's way too late
Take my hand, I'll hold it tight
I'll save you tonight

2006 was sooooooooooooo last year!

I'm back~ Blogger was giving me some problems but it's all good now, hope u're ready for a new year of lame jokes, contradictory contradictions, oh, and don't forget the seasonal "i feel so lonely.. why does nobody love me" posts.

Happy Chinese New Year, hope all you pigs have a great year ahead (may sound rude but it's not).

Blog ya later, expect so much more :)

What's been up in my life:

Camps camps camps! And the church Youth Musical! You can read my good friend James Ong's blog for more details! I don't have an internet connection at home in Malaysia, so I don't have much time to blog, and I've been really busy. Hope everyone's going well and has a really great Christmas! God bless you guys~~
http://j-mes.blogspot.com/2006/12/campscampsmusicalpart-1.html

Blog 2
It was a cool balmy 24 degrees centigrade when the plane touched down in KLIA. It’s been raining apparently, so the huge shock one normally gets from stepping outside of KLIA was somewhat dampened. The extra humidity in the air is still noticeable though. It’s interesting how my brain is handling this, I was surprised that it was like I had not left at all, it’s like once I arrived back in Malaysia, all the time in NZ was a dream. It is as though I had never got on the plane for NZ at the beginning of the year, and that I had just visited KLIA and was about to just head out after a day. I still remember vividly eating at McDonalds with my dad as if it was yesterday, I could probably still remember what we ordered too. Maybe this is what they mean by the saying “when I dream that I am a butterfly, am I a man dreaming I am a butterfly? Or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?” Well.. it is 4.15am NZ time so maybe my mind is just not processing the information correctly.

Even before an hour on the road, and already we’ve seen an accident happen on the motorway. Some boyracer was going too fast when suddenly 2 lanes merged into one because of road works, and the car lost control. Thankfully the car was able to slow down considerably before hitting the barrier, causing minimal damage. But yeah, wow Malaysian driving is scary!

I am now on the way to Bidor, which is about 2 hours away from KL, we have a certain shop that we always stop by for food, it’s become somewhat of a tradition now. It’s great to see mum and dad again, we’ve spent the last hour catching up on each others lives. I’m feeling sleepy, tired, and jetlagged, but also have a sense of security now that I’m in the passenger seat with my parents driving again.
Just like old times.

5.08am – we stopped by Bidor and had a bite to eat. Once again, it seemed like I had just been to it last week, but it has already been a year. I told my parents this and my dad said “yeah of course it hasn’t changed, it hasn’t changed in 20 or 40 years!” Coming back from living in a city, that’s a really difficult concept to grasp, everything changes in a city, and quickly too!
Although I dreaded making the trip back, having to travel for about slightly less than 20 hours, as soon as the food we ordered came and I stuck the first fishball into my mouth, I realised that it was all worth it. Just one bite and all my regrets of leaving disappeared. What price can you put on a taste of home?
We ordered fishball soup, ee mee, a fish dish (haruan), and halfway through my parents decided to order turtle! I felt a bit hesitant at first, seeing how turtles are endangered but when in rome, do as the romans do. It kinda had the texture of beef, although there were other parts which were different like the bone and tendons. I haven’t had turtle in a very long time, possibly about 8 years or so.

There’s no real point in this post, just a record of my thoughts and musings.

My Perfect Day

It's not everyday you get to go swimming in paradise!

With a great view right next to the swimming pool!

Where the kids are happy,

And the family aren't trying to kill each other,

And the water's clean, cool and refreshing,

And you even have some champagne on the ice...

And let's not forget the kids!

GREETINGS FROM MALAYSIA! I hope everyone is having as great a time as I am! God bless you all these holidays!!

Here I am, sitting in front of my computer at 3.54am on the 23rd of November 2006. In 10 hours, I will be on a flight due for Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Although the yearly 3 month trip back to Malaysia is a journey that I have made physically, mentally, psychologically many times in my life, it is somewhat different now. It is possibly one of the last few times that I will be able to be with my family for such an extended period of time. I wasn't even supposed to come back for this long this time round were it not for my brother's wedding.

The truth is that most adults that work and live away from their hometowns don't get the chance to spend months reconnecting with their roots in their hometowns. Sometimes they can only spend 2 or 3 days visiting their parents. I am privileged to be able to come back and reintegrate with the town that I grew up in.

I remember that for a period in my teens of about 2 or 3 years, our family never sat down as a family unit together for dinner even once. This was because of our links both to New Zealand and Malaysia, my sister and my brother would be studying in New Zealand, or my parents would be away back in Malaysia. So I was tremendously happy a couple years later when once again my whole family sat at the same table; my father, mother, brother, sister, grandmother and me. That is why I cherish coming home and spending time with my family. It won't be long until my brother moves into his own new house (which is next door to my father's house btw), and my sister and Jake move back to New Zealand, and I'll be somewhere God only knows and the family unit that I know of will forever be changed.

I have got a couple things to look forward to, we are moving into a new house, my brother Anthony Ling is getting married to Jo Cyee after 4-5 years of courtship, the yearly musical that was postponed last year might be held this year, being a helper at the national Methodist Youth camp Youthquake, and seeing old friends and finding new adventures!

And once again, I feel a reluctance to let go of the life I have built this year in New Zealand. I still haven't really cleaned up my house since exams were over. I have close friends whom I do not want to leave for 3 months. I want to explore who I am and what I can be now that I have time.

But these feelings aren't new, these conflicts not unfelt before. It's just that with these old feelings comes a new feeling of urgency. To make the most of my time that I have left in Malaysia.

Because I'll be coming home as usual, but it may not be the usual much longer.

If only we could see each other as Jesus sees us, there would be no wars and no broken hearts.
Lord, open the eyes of our hearts.

If home is where the heart is, then the problem with having two hearts is that you're never where half of your heart is.

God, make my heart only for You.

The most painful thing in this life is when you know that you've found the single greatest truth in your life but have to keep silent about it.

Of Fairy Tales and Fables

If you look to www.dictionary.com and searched for the word "fable," you would get this as the first result. According to dictionary.com, a fable is "a short tale to teach a moral lesson, often with animals or inanimate objects as characters; apologue: the fable of the tortoise and the hare; Aesop's fables."

How many of us would remember who Aesop was? Or what some of his fables were? And no, Fable is not a computer game developed by Lionhead Studios! I remember reading about the fox and his sour grapes when I was young and learning good a moral lesson - never despise what we cannot get. Looking back in my life, I see that this little lesson has played a big part in my life, and how did i learn this lesson? A mere fable. The television shows that kids watch these days, such as Spongebob Squarepants and Cow and Chicken, seem more for entertainment than for teaching kids about morals and values. Can we blame people then when they don't know anything about sportsmanship or honesty? No, not really. However, some cartoons do attempt to espouse good moral values but once again I would say that it is still overshadowed by the need to entertain. We do need to be mindful of what we feed our children's minds, and our own minds. Anyways, That's not really the point of this post.

An interesting fact, did you know that it was not uncommon for a fable to not have a happy ending? Hansen and Gretel were eaten by the witch, for example. However, people like happy endings and now almost every story you hear has a happy ending.

The REAL point of this post for me to tell you a little fable. I call it:

"The Bird and the Boy"

There once was a boy and a bird. The boy lived by himself in a small house and the bird lived in a nest in a tree just outside the boy's house. Now, it was springtime and so all the birds would chirp and sing but this bird was the best of them all. The bird would sing louder than any other bird. The bird would sing all day, in the morning, in the afternoon and again in the evening.

Now the boy had heard the bird singing every day, but he disliked the bird because it disturbed his peace and quiet. He would chase the bird away everytime the bird began to sing. But the bird, as birds do, continued to sing his merry little song.

One day, the boy was got so angry that he came up with a plan. He would throw poisoned food outside of his house and maybe the bird would eat it and become sick. He did this.

The next day, the boy heard the bird singing again, loud as ever. However, he decided to forget about the bird and continue with his daily life.

One week later, the boy noticed that the bird did not sing anymore. There was no more cheerful chirps around his house during that day. "Maybe the bird is just too busy to sing today," the boy thought. The next day, the boy tried to listen for the bird's song, but again there was no song to be heard. The boy started to get worried but as the days passed, the little bird did not appear.

The boy realised that he missed the bird and its songs. He felt lonely now that the house was so quiet. He remembered how the bird would sing and fill the house with song, but now all that was left was the boy and his little home.

*THE END*

Little bird, where are you? Won't you come back and sing another song?

My dad and his brothers and sisters have always been close even though there are often a lot of dramas between them. But they know well that blood is thicker than water. When my grandfather was still alive, my uncles and aunties would meet up every night at his house to chat about daily events and when we were young, we would be brought along to this daily ritual. I had stayed at my grandfathers house for a few years with my family after we moved back to Malaysia while my house was being built. So this means that I got to know my cousins pretty well after seeing them every night for years.

I have more than 15 cousins on my father's side. However, I do not consider myself close with all of them. However, there has always been 2 of my cousins that I have considered closer to me than the others. One of these 2 is my cousin Jamie.

My dear beautiful cousin Jamie was married on the 4th of November 2006. She is 2 years older than me but sometimes I felt that I was the one protecting her from all her admirers (and she had a lot!). We have always been close since we were young. I remember the times when we were younger when we would play Ghost, and cook things on milo lids with candles for fires, and go out with lanterns during the mooncake festival to 'scare evil spirits' away. I will also always remember being taken to Pesta Laut (before they banned it!) with your family and how you and Annie told me it was bad to whistle at night because real ghosts would follow me home. I remember the talks and laughs we shared throughout the years. Your family helped make me feel welcome when I was just a young boy who had just moved back from New Zealand and had no friends. I am just so grateful to God for such a great cousin.

However, girls who dream of marriage change into women who get married so CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I pray God's blessing on your marriage and may you bring God's presence to your new family! Sorry I couldn't make it because I had exams then. So a note on blogspot will have to do for now till I can offer you my congrats in person.

We are still close (she works for my dad), but I wonder how things will turn out now that you're married. Will we still be the same? Somehow I think we will. :) Benz you are a very lucky guy, you need to take care of my cousin or you will have to answer to me! Hehe, I guess I still got that protective streak in me.

Congratulations Jamie, may you find your happily ever after. I think you owe me a celebratory dinner when I get back to Malaysia. ;)

"No I'm not color blind. I know the world is black and white"


The lyrical genius that is John Mayer. From his album "Continuum," highly recommended, highly enjoyed. Damn near made me cry once I found what the words were.
The song is about life, and how fast it passes, and how we can never seem to stop it.

Psalm 39 says
4 "Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Selah
6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.
7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

Land Law test tomorrow.

Stop This Train - John Mayer

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
I try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
I don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I will never stop this train

People normally chase people, then find out whether they like each other or not. I'm not one of those, I decide whether I'm in the right place, whether I like the girl, and if I do, then i chase after her. It's a method that causes a whole lot of heartache (in a life full of heartaches already) and I guess as a result, I'm very cautious of giving my heart away. Call in insecurity, I call it self-sacrifice. Call it stupidity, I call it living how I want to. I don't care that it's not how the world operates. But that's how I'll keep going, as long as I can. Until someone sees me for who I am.
Call it sentimental suicide... I call it loving the love of your life even before she loves you. I'm going to love her for her, not for my insecurities, not for my need of companionship, not because it seemed the right thing to do at the time.

"i believe, my life's gonna see, the love I give, returned to me."

AOCF Concert 2006!

We haven't had a AOCF concert in 3 years now! I still remember it quite vividly, had a pretty good time, I sang "Sick Cycle Carousel" by Lifehouse, lost in a fooseball match to a 7 year old, and heard after about the numerous complaints we got from neighbours about the noise level! Rest assured we are never welcome to have another concert at that hall anymore. I was nervous back when singing back then. However this time I'm singing 6 songs!! Eek that's a bit of a promotion isn't it?

We still haven't really got a name for the band yet. Although its members consist of:
Baz: Drums
Tian Xiang: Guitar
Amos: Guitar
Iggy: Bass
Me: Vocals
Plus
Tania: Synth
Lily: Vocals
will be joining us for a few songs.

These guys are the greatest, it's an honour to be in a band with these guys. I've always looked up to these guys. They are all so musical, and I feel like I have the least to contribute.

I can't disclose the songs list yet, showmanship you see? Apparently it's not good to let people know what songs you are singing until the performance itself. Kinda like knowing the plot before reading a book I guess? it's much more rockier than what I've ever done though, we've even got a bit of screamo! However I am enjoying jumping around like a spastic schizophrenic bugger on stage, hopefully the atmosphere at the concert will be charged enough so that I can do stuff like that without looking like a complete idiot!

Anyways, the details are:
Location: Elim City Church, 74 Cook Street, City Block District.
Time: 7.30pm
What: 4 bands, 1 dance group, competitions, prizes, FREE ICE-CREAM!
How much: 10 dollars (fundraising for AOCF)

I've had a lot of trouble selling tickets to my friends, I initially thought I'd be able to sell 20 easily, but apparently the 30th September 2006 is one of the busiest nights in people's schedules! Either that or I don't have a lot of friends... People have parties to attend, birthdays to celebrate, pets that need burying, headaches to enjoy.. you get the picture. However people are coming in at the last minute and buying tickets off me, so that's been encouraging!

Lemme know if you want a ticket!
Let's just hope I don't end up being another person. Need a hint? Look down.


Oh well, it's all for the glory of God! Thanks God for the opportunity to sing for You!
Will let you know how it all turns out! :D

Fool, by the time you realise you really like her, she's already gone!

Don't it always seem to go, and you don't know what you go till it's gone.

Highlights of the Hols!
1) Rocking it up with the Six Man Sumo Squat Squad aka Kitten's Kite (depending on which day it is) at the UMSA ball 2006!! I was sick until the last day, couldn't sing at all really, but God was good to me and we did great! Big props to TX, Irvin, Ian, Jun Bin, and our invisible 6th member!
2) Carving it up with friends on the mega-mountain that is Ruapehu! We snowboarded at Turoa, thank God for perfect weather, unlimited visibility, and just the breeze in your face hurtling down the mountain at breakneck speeds and adrenaline pumping through your veins. Best snowboarding ever! Great company too! Ronald, Amos, Ben, Hsen Han, Tania, Cheryl, Gladys, Matt Loh, Evan, Lydia, Ivan, Stephz and Edward!
3) Checking it out at the windy city that is Wellington along with the WICF crew that is Fiona, Francesca, Ruth, Elaine, Jessica, Daniel, Peng, Aik Win, and many many more. You guys rock!! Thanks Peng for putting up with 3 of us for that long, I admire your voice bro! Remember Ruth, we're having that fishing trip with the huge oyster buffet one day!!
The rest of the hols just disappeared in games of dota, my trusty PS2, working on assignments, eating lots of good food (thank you Mum and Dad), and hanging out!

On a sad note, rest in Peace Steve Irwin, we will remember you for your passion and your enthusiasm. You can rest in the knowledge that you did make a difference in making people love animals more. God bless you and be with your family.

On another note,
"Oh Lord, that you would bless me indeed
that you extend my territory,
and that your Hand may be upon me,
and help me avoid Evil." ~The Prayer of Jabez
All for Your Glory, it all belongs to You.

God, I miss that feeling
God says "wait"
God, I want to wake up in the morning knowing she cares for me
God says "wait"
God, I want to talk about nothing on the phone with her
God says "wait"
God, I want to act stupid, make her laugh, and brighten up her day
God says "wait"
God, I want to write her songs, poems, letters
God says "wait"
God, I just want to hold her hand
God says "wait"
God, all my friends have boyfriends and girlfriends
God says "wait"
God, I want to be able to call her mine
God says "wait"
God, I want to protect her and take care of her
God says "wait"
God, I'm not getting any younger
God says "wait"
God, this isn't going according to my plan
God says "wait"
God, I don't think any girl could love me
God says "wait"
God, what if I forget how to love
God says "wait"
God, haven't I learnt my lesson yet?
God says "wait"
God, when is she going to come? Will she ever come?
God says "wait"

God, she'd better be worth it.
God said "Oh, she will be."

Till then, I will keep seeking the Lord and do all I can for Him. But know this..

I'm still waiting for YOU...

Sometimes we can't reach for the stars until we're brave enough to let go of the ground.

Time

Time

Only Human - by K
On the other shore of sadness,
It is said that there is a smile,
Finally we arrived,
But what are we waiting for?

The purpose is not to run away,
It's to chase after dreams
We should have gone out to travel,
On that summer day so long ago,

Even tomorrow, if you see it.
Thought there isn't a sigh either,
Like a ship going against the current flow,
Right now, go forward, move ahead

Even if it cuts through the rain and clouds
The wet roads shine,
Only the dark will teach,
A stronger and stronger light,
Be strong, go forward move ahead.

Time... there's not nearly enough to do everything I want to do. If I had all the time in the world, I would be able to do it all, I would be able to play ALL of my Playstation games and ALL of my PC games, become good at guitar and singing, pick up a new language, do well in my studies, have a huge circle of friends and maintain close relationships with them all. I would have time for a girlfriend. I think if we all had time, we would be nicer people too.

The thing is, no one realises what they've got till it's gone. You don't realise how valuable each tick is worth, how every day the sun comes up is a blessing from God Himself. You don't know this, until you find out your time on Earth is limited. Ask a 99 year old, ask a person dying from sickness how important is each day? How would you change your life if you knew that you were going to die soon? What would you want people to say at your funeral?

I guess that's why we have priorities in life. We determine what we give each priceless hour of our day to. How do we spend our time, and who/what do we give it to? Are the priorities right in my life? Are the priorities right in yours? Do we do the things that really matter in life? I guess that's what God put us here on Earth to decide.

Life is but a moment, don't regret yesterday, and live today so you won't have any regrets tomorrow. Don't let this make you feel depressed, instead, appreciate each and every rainbow in your life, appreciate the people who mean something to you, appreciate the good, the bad and the ugly.

Lamentations 3:22-23 says "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

Thank you God for every chance I get to wake up, and every day that I get to live to glorify Your name. Thank you for every bad day, thank you for every good day. Help me to live life to the fullest till the day I die. But also help me to do the things that hold true meaning in life.

My TSCF 2006 Conference experience

I was at the TSCF Conference from the 4th-9th of July 2006 and although I wasn't really looking forward to it, somehow I just ended up there! However I'm glad to say by the time it ended I was wishing it would've went longer! The food there was good but of course not as good as homecooked malaysian food (phew, I won't be 'dibuang negara' now) but after a usual diet of KFC, BK, McD's, Wendys and Pizza's, I was glad to be eating rice and bread.

Also, the messages were just what I needed to hear. Thank God for His impeccable timing again. I was at one of the lowest points at my Christian walk in a while, and spent the first few sessions arguing with God (amazed I didn't get struck by lightning). However God won out [don't try arguing with an omnipotent God, doesn't work] in the end and I had to forgive myself for some things in my life. God also provided me with people that I could talk to, rather than what I've been doing which is struggling with it all alone.

However, the highlight was meeting the FUNNY CRAZY WACKY WEIRD family of God that I found out I had in NZ, especially Wellington but also from many other places!! Honestly it was just so good to meet new people with love for God, and were soo awesome to hangout with. It was so great just meeting the extended family of God!! I have a lot of memories with these people that I just met a few days ago, it's crazy! On the last night of camp we basically pulled an all nighter, driving around Auckland, drinking coffee and eating cake, lying in the middle of Symonds Street at 3 am in the morning, and playing games by Mission Bay. Definately memories I will cherish for awhile! :)

But camp, yeah! Some people said it was boring and not worth going to, but I give it a 9 out of 10!! Why only 9 you ask? Because you'd have to come to an AOCF camp to experience a full 10!!! But yes, I thank God for making it such a great week of my life, and for leading me back to Him, back to the Cross!

PS: it's only a ploy to get more people join AOCF Easter camp next year!

Well it's wednesday and my NZ Idol 3 Audition (only the first round, I'm not expecting to be crowned just yet! :P) is on saturday! I'm gonna see if I can grab a friend's camera and take some photo's of the experience, although I doubt they'll let me. Anyhoo, I'm still at a loss for song choice! Eeep I know that's bad! I've been busy studying for my tests though and haven't had much time to think about this. I had a research assignment due on friday, an equity test on monday, and a 50% jurisprudence test on thursday! Oh boy I'm in trouble!

But I'm just gonna give it my best, have fun, hopefully not make a fool outta myself, and if i do, just pop out the "i've had no vocal training" line i guess (kidding!)! I know there will be a lot of talented singers there, but I'm just gonna give it the best I can. I decided to do a bit of research, and here were the songs that the top 10 of NZ Idol2 chose to sing for their Judge Auditions:

Rosita - NZ Idol - I Have Nothing - Whitney Houston
Nik - Runner up - You Should Let Me Love You - Mario
Rongo - Superstar - Carpenters
Keshia - (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman - Aretha Franklin
Jesse - Be Yourself - Audioslave
Frank - O - Omarion
Ashley - When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating
Steven - Tomorrow - 'Annie'
Teresa - Secret Song - Alanis Morissette
Shelley - ??

I've cut down the list of possible songs I'm going to sing, but I guess I might have to decide on the day itself!
I Can Go The Distance - from Hercules or Michael Bolton
Sukiyaki - 4pm
Eternity - Robbie Williams

Exciting stuff!!

Cockroaches aren't the Survivors we would be led to think they are!

Yikes, I have had a phobia of cockroaches ever since I was little! I remember it was one Chinese New Years Eve. Actually these were really fun times as we lived just opposite a field and people would shoot fireworks at each others houses (none actually caught on fire thankfully/woefully!). I was much too young to participate without blowing any of my limbs up so I was made to stand next to my mother underneath a tree. Here I was enjoying the spectacle when suddenly a disgusting little cockroach fell from the tree onto me. It was at night and I was only about 3 then. Imagine my horror (and its horror!) as it scrambled across my body. I think I was yelling and jumping and crying just trying to get it off, and no I did not create the Macarena dance that night! However, since then, I have always been a little wary of the little buggers!

New Zealand is not normally a place where you see too many roaches. The rare ones that you do see are tiny little creatures that wouldn't scare anyone. Imagine my shock when after taking a shower, I saw one crawling on my sink! This one was big for a New Zealand roach (not as big as a Malaysian one though). I freaked! I went around looking for something that could squash it. A book? No, i didn't want to stain my favourite toilet reading material. Some tissue paper? No, those roaches are quick as lightning and i didn't want to feel it struggling before I made it go squish! I then went downstairs and searched for some insectide which I remembered was around the house. Unfortunately I have the memory of an 80 year old goldish and couldn't find it, most probably it never existed! I quickly ran back up to the scene of the crime (or soon-to-be crime as I was gonna murder the poor little thing). It was still there on the sink, sneering and heckling at me!

Lousy Roach! Give you chance to escape and still you want to stick around!

I checked the toilet cabinet and voila, my weapon of choice was at hand! And so I took out the hairspray and aimed it at the arthropod. This was perfect! I would not have to get my hands dirty and there would be a fragrant smell after the deed! I pressed down on the button and let loose on the insect, covering it with hairspray! Eventually it died, a combination of drowning in hairspray and being stuck as a result of the hairspray drying, and was sent to a watery grave (flushed!). I then did a victory jig in celebration of my victory (No i didn't).

However, I was led to believe that Cockroaches would outlast humans because I've heard that even if there was a nuclear bomb that wiped out all of humanity, that Cockroaches would survive the radioactive fallout while we disappeared from the annals of history. However if they can be killed by simply hairspray (although I did administer a LOT of hairspray onto it), I wonder if scientists need to reconsider this proposition. Life lesson learnt that hairspray is an effective insectide if used in copious amounts. Kinda makes you wander what they put into hair spray??

Well I have pretty much decided to try out for NZ Idol 3 (hopefully I don't live to regret this!) and hopefully I do get around to sending in the registration form because Monday is the final date that it has to be received! However I have been at my wits end deciding what my audition piece should be, so I have come up with the brilliant idea (if it works!) to put up a list of possible songs that I would like to do and have you guys tell me which song I should do!

Now I don't think I'm the best singer out there, I am far from it, but I love to sing and I would definately love the chance to get some guidance from professionals (like Suzanne Lynch who trains the singers while they are on idol).

For an audition piece, it needs to be a piece that will impress the judges, that reveals the strength (and not weaknesses) of my voice, it needs to be memorable and I must be not wearing tight leather hotpants while singing it (or any other embarassing items of clothing, ie. spandex or a tutu). I would love further suggestions too if there are any songs you think I should consider, but here is the current list!

Angels (by Robbie Williams)
Eternity (by Robbie Williams)
My Girl (by ??)
Your Song (from Moulin Rouge)
Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water (by Simon & Garfunkel)
If You're Not The One (by Daniel Bedingfield)
Let Me Entertain You (by Robbie Williams)
Sukiyaki (cover by 98 Degrees)

Please comment and give me feedback, I could be the next idol (or William Hung)!!

"That's How Mercy Saw Me"
The years had left scars,
And the scars have left pain,
How could he recognize me,
For I wasn't the same;
I knew I should pay and I knew the price,
For justice and law had demanded my life.

O but his tender heart heard my desperate cry,
And he saw all my past through merciful eyes!

Beautiful, that's how mercy saw me,
For I was broken and so lost;
Mercy looked at all my faults.
Justice of God saw what I had done,
But mercy saw me through the Son;
Not what I was but what I could be,
That's how mercy saw me!

For sin had stolen all my dignity,
And all my self esteem;
But I was made brand new again,
When mercy looked at me.

Beautiful, that's how mercy saw me,
For I was broken and so lost;
Mercy looked at all my faults.
Justice of God saw what I had done,
But mercy saw me through the Son;
Not what I was but what I could be,
That's how mercy saw me!

Not what I was but what I could be,
That's how mercy saw me!

That's how mercy saw me!

Backlogged To Bangkok

No sorry this post has nothing to do with any exciting adventures to Thailand and there are no Tigers (or Thai Girl's, depending on how you pronounce it *wink wink*) to see here. If you want to read up on stuff like that I suggest you go to www.kennysia.com (shameless plug! good read though!) However I happened to have noticed that my blog is seriously in need of an update!

And since I don't really have the time to write an entry, I found an entry that I was supposed to have posted when I was still in Malaysia. Many things happened then, my niece and nephew were a year older, a potential love was lost, amongst many other things, some things never mentioned will just fade into the fog of forgotten history and I'm alright with that. Anyways, here's the post!

Home is where the heart is… but where is my heart?
And just as quick as it began, it had come to an end. 3 months have flown past! The same sights, the same memories, the same people, the same place that I call home, and now was the time I had to return back to the ‘other place.’ Ironic that soon, this place would be the ‘other place.’ I don’t know which one is home, it is wherever I happen to be, and I am wont to shift. I guess home is where the heart is, and if so, anyone know of a place to donate one since I think I have two.

Leaving so soon?
Having stored up enough memories to make it through another grueling year of university and enough weight to survive the habit of laziness or ineptitude in cooking, it’s time to pack up my bags and leave this place. This feeling of non-productivity chews at my soul, I want to be learning or at least contributing, holidays don’t really suit me and thus it is time to leave. I must really be my workacholic father’s son.

The Linked Independent
I did not spend as much time with my family (especially my parents) as I would’ve liked, for which part I am mostly to blame. But thankfully there will be time when my mother arrives in NZ early March. Living in Malaysia in a house with my parents, my grandmother, my brother, my sister and her husband and her two children (not to mention 3 maids), I am not my own, it will be refreshing to be independent again, but also testing. Do I still have what it takes or has these three months changed me?

The End of an Era
Having spent 3 months in Malaysia, and having seen my friend Jackson almost every day in those months, it is impossible to not acknowledge his friendship and how much it means. The student has become the teacher, and I am now the student and even after many hours of DoTA tutelage, I have come to the conclusion that I am not a very good student. He still gets all the Godlikes and I get the Doglikes. Jackson leaves for America in March, and he is anything like you Matt, it will be 5 years before I see him again because of our differing holidays. And maybe it will bring change, or maybe he will remain the same, time will tell. However it is truly the end of an era.

Ever the same, ever different
Things will be different next year when I come back, we’ll be moving into a new house, my dear cousin will be married, and that new supermarket will be opening up. And these are only the things that I can foresee! How much more those which I cannot? But for now, thank you Malaysia, thank you Sitiawan, thank you Wesley Methodist Church, thank you friends, I will once again grace your shores next year. It won’t be too long till I start working and may not get the chance to come back for long anymore, I will cherish every moment.

John Mayer – “Wheel”
And airports see it all the time
Where someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh
Cause someone's coming home
In hand a single rose

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

I believe that my life's gonna see
That love I give returned to me

A sidenote: the search begins again, I am all alone, only God is my sole companion. It stings, but it is for the best for now, God will make a way

I've been blogging on my community blog mostly. It's URL is http://citya1.blogspot.com feel free to check it out if you want but I'll warn you it's full of Manglish and may be detrimental to the educated English speaker! :)

Anyways, I was just reading http://www.kennysia.com as I do sometimes for entertainment. And on it was this post about http://www.myheritage.com. (Wow, there's a whole lot of plugging going on in this blog!) Myheritage.com has this cool feature which checks the characteristics of your face and matches it up against those of celebrities and presents you with the best results! Check his webpage for some hilarious results.

But yeah, being who I am, I couldn't wait to try it out myself. Who would I look like? Orlando Bloom? George Clooney? Maybe even Brad Pitt or good ol Tom Cruise himself. I was sorely disappointed!






Hahah I obviously have a very asian face. Except for the last one! MAN! gotta get rid of my tan :P I'm now very jaded about this service. haha!

~Keep Smiling!

Note to self: I need to realise, more likely, i need to accept that nobody in this world is perfect, not even me. I need to change myself to be more accepting of others, including myself. Not in the little things, but in the huge parts of my life. Being a perfectionist sucks~ :)
However, I do worry that if I let myself slip, the world will not be accepting of me. Ahh.. the conundrums of life certainly do tease and antagonise the mind.

Haha what fun times we had then :)

Really sad song, I cried a little while watching, haha am I too feminine? Doubt it :P Plus, it's cool to be feminine these days.

Uhm the singer is Michael Wong Guang Liang, and he's a very famous singer in Taiwan, and he's born and raised in Ipoh! Which is only one hour away from Sitiawan. Hahah it's not impossible to reach the stars even though you were once in the gutter. Gives me hope :)

The song is called Tong Hua or Fairytale from the album of the same name.
Enjoy (or cry rather!) :)

Well blog I haven't really been in touch with you for a couple months now. I dunno why? I guess there's nothing to write about when everything is smooth sailing. Or that I just wanted to enjoy the moment without having to write it all down.

But i will try to sum up what i've felt, what i've seen, what i've learnt, and who i've lost in a blog soon enough. I just thank God for everything and everyone back in Malaysia. I pray to God that He will continue to teach me to walk in His ways, and to teach me the error of mine. I've still got a lot of growing up to do, must never get complacent.

Keep me close to you Lord Jesus, because sometimes I feel so far away.

 
 

December 7 1AM

My grandmother is one of the people I admire most. She was born in China, went to a missionary-run school as a teenager, and caught a boat to someplace called Sitiawan with a friend and her friend’s uncle for God knows what reason. She was never married, she adopted my mother from my blood grandmother because my mother was the 8th child. My blood grandmother could not afford another baby and couldn’t do anything but give her away, but she could do even less to prevent a pregnancy because of a lack of contraception in those days. Those were the days where you would work 40-60 hour weeks and count yourself lucky if you had meat on your plate twice a week.

My grandmother was also a pastor of a church that survives even until today, and in those days, where gender equality was unheard of, a female pastor was probably even more so a peculiar sight. She is still referred to as Nguriengan which is a sign of respect by many people. She also provided many people refuge with her as they hid in makeshift huts in the jungle during the Japanese invasion and occupation. I still remember as a small child, she would always come and tuck me into bed, she would read me a Bible story and pray for me before I go to bed. She would take care of me when my mother got sick and tired of my naughtiness.

I would love to write a book on her to journal her life, but living in a small town there are no records, and since my grandmother is 94 not many of her peers are around any longer to give testimony on her life. But what is most tragic, is that my grandmother suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Although we have not had her diagnosed medically, the symptoms are clear. It can be somewhat heartbreaking at times.

She forgets my name, she calls me Anthony which is my brothers name. And after telling her my name, she feigns a remembrance but within 10 minutes my name is forgotten again. She knows that I’m studying, and since the one week I’ve been back, she has asked me how much longer I have to study and if I’m going away again to study at least 30-40 times, she’ll repeat the same set of questions every 10 minutes. She’ll also keep trying to offer me food which I reject, and brings it to me too. I hate to see her strain her frail and gradually weakening body to get me food, so I try to discourage her from getting me food and saying that I’ve already eaten, but in the next 10 minutes she forgets and does it again. She can’t even read anymore, a favourite past time of hers, because she no longer remembers what happens after she puts her book down, this makes her not able to enjoy television either. She can string basic sentences together, but if attempting anything more, she tends to stutter something incomprehensible. Most days all she can do is sit and wait for time to pass, time for Jesus to come and take her home again,

I try not to think about this because I get sad when I dwell on it, I can only begin to wonder what goes on in her mind. I know I love my grandmother, but sometimes it can be so hard to be patient with her and not get frustrated and all the time I wish I could help her get better or not be bored. I question why she has lived such a great life and been reduced to such an anticlimactic fate, I wish her mind was sharp and we could have conversations, I wish she was strong and could still participate in normal activities of life. I wish that she could remember my name. But we all grow old, don’t we? And I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I know Jesus has a great reward stored up for her in heaven when she will never forget anything. And most of all, I know that I will keep loving my grandmother until the day she dies and beyond.

Because once, I didn’t know her name, but she knew mine,
And whenever I was hungry, without asking her, she would feed me,
Whenever I had a question, she would answer it,
Whenever I was in need of help, she would give me a hand,
And whenever I needed prayer, she was there already kneeling and crying out to God.

I owe her much more than just filial duty, I owe her so much of her love that she poured out into me… and when she needs my help, I will not get frustrated and try my best to repay her while I can. I love my grandmother.

“Yet He loved us, while we were still yet sinners”
I love more, because I was first loved most.

I’m sitting in my dad’s car right now, they came to pick me up and it’s a straight 3 hour drive till I’m back in Sitiawan. The flight itself wasn’t too bad, only mild turbulence here and there but like I said, nothing too bad. The movies were great, I got to see 3 movies, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bewitched, and Bob the Butler, all 3 were pretty good but I’m not much of a critic.

Got a buzzy bee for Caleb, because every kiwi kid needs to have a buzzy bee, it was expensive but I thought that it was the least that an uncle could do, that is spoil his niece/nephew. Got some nice jewellery for Kaitlyn, I hope she likes it, I feel bad missing her birthday but I’m hoping that’s not how kids think and they are more forgiving than adults. In about 2.5 hours I will find out.

Met Ben and Lakshmi in the airport before we took off. Met and had a quick chat with Ben on the plane before the flight attendant told us to bugger off because we were near the emergency hatch and he was worried we were terrorists and going to release while flying at 40000 feet above sea level. Bet I could’ve found more people I knew on the plane if I tried but I wasn’t feeling too sociable, much happier reading my gaming magazine and watching movies. Fell in and out of sleep, but was mostly awake for the flight. Have to thank Abigail Ann Rutland for taking me to the airport and being so awesome, if you ever read this, thanks!

Abby asked me today, isn’t it hard living two different lives? Frankly, yes it is. I’m not living completely different lives, I’m just living separate lives. I said that just because you’re at one point of your life doesn’t mean you should ignore the past. Malaysia is and will always be home to me in some way, althought NZ is becoming home too. That is why when we were going out I absolutely wanted her to come to Malaysia to see this side of me. I wasn’t going to get into any serious relationship without them knowing the “whole package.” At the same time, I guess once you know me in my capacity in Malaysia and New Zealand, you will have gained so much more of my trust because you know where I come from, and can probably understand me better.

How do I feel right now? Disjointed I guess. Familiar smells, views and sights are like a smack in the face. I’m still on the highway but I’ve seen the typical Malaysian terrace shops and already felt the grit in the air sticking onto me like metal to a magnet. I can never believe how far we can travel in one day nowadays. Kinda suspicious that it’s just like the Truman Show and I’m just sitting in a pod while all the workers are changing the scene for me. I’m hungry…. I can never really eat on airplanes, I end up getting sick. I don’t like the air in planes, it’s not natural. We’re going to stop on the way home for a bite to eat.

Tomorrow we will continue the tradition that always occurs when I get back to Malaysia. In the morning, I will follow my family out for breakfast to eat the local delicacy, “kono mee” or “kampuang mein” or just black sauce noodles. Then I’ll hang around until it’s time to start daily bball sessions at church, normally around 5-5.30. And probably be busy for the rest of the week saying hello to old, but constant friends. Times have changed, but still so many things remain the same. It’s comforting to have my parents in the front seat again just like when I was little. Thanking God for airconditioning, and feeling sorta hungry.

I’m home.

Time : 1.48AM 29/11/05
Place: Home, as always.
Event: Coming home (wherever that is)

He sits there. Having spent the last 2 hours entertaining his friends and as the last one left the door, it starts to sink in.

"Wow, I can't believe it's that time of year again" he thinks to himself.

He isn't over the moon yet neither is he reluctant to go, he just feels... conflicted. So full of emotion yet neither one overtaking the other and leaving him just smack dab in the centre which makes him confused about whether he actually cares whether he's going or not? But deep down he knows he does care, but right now it is a dead stalemate and he knows that in the next few days, both sides will boast victories and losses over each other, leaving him in the rollercoaster ride.

He has had his life change at least twice on this day on prior occasions, both times for the worse (or so it seemed). Twice he had a girlfriend the day before and by the time he stepped onto the plane, for all intensive purposes, he was single. But he was never one to linger on such thoughts, "it's all for the best, it always is" he thought.

This was Catalyst Day, the day where everything changed. And like everyone else, he was afraid of change. Yet change brought the most growth and produces maturity, and yet maturity was something he thought he had yet lacked at the same time. It was what everyone wanted and what everyone hated, "what a contradiction" he thought, but this wasn't new to him, the world was a contradiction unto itself anyways.

Yet, he was single this year, having already beat the plane so that didn't bother him. He had a lot of things going on for him, friends to spend time with, something that he rarely got to do on more than a superficial level while he was studying; computer games to finish, music to write, and oh, that book he borrowed and had yet to finish.

Yet it wasn't all bad, he knew that he only got to see his family once or twice a year, and that he was missing out on his niece's and nephew's childhood. And it was always the last time that he thought he would see his grandmother, a 94 year old tender thing that was strong as an ox but yet senile as a mule. It usually was the other way round with elderlys. He would visit her as much as he could while the opportunity was still available, it was the least he could do. He knew he would once again understand what it would be like to have a family, something he would forget living alone sometimes.

He would miss his freedom, to do things whenever they needed to be done, yet he would appreciate having other people pay for dinner, or driving him around. The economist in him knew all the advantages and disadvantages, but the realist in him knew that in the end it was all equally balanced and in fact, it really didn't matter anyways. Home was where the heart was, and there were pieces lying around both in New Zealand and Malaysia.

"Ah well, there isn't any time to sit and ponder anymore, it was 2.23am now, and the plane would leave in about 12 hours. A smile or a tear could wait, he needed to go through and make sure he had packed all he needed for the next 3 months of change."

Change My Heart O God,
Make It Ever True
Change My Heart O God,
May I Be Like You

I'm coming home

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu <--- longest name of a location EVER!

Old girl-winner quote: "I love beautiful sunsets by the beach"


Thank goodness these crabs tasted better than they looked (jk, we don't eat local wildlife.. much!)

 
  A nice swimming pool for the 'tamer' ones who're afraid of swimming with the crabs, fishes, man-eating walruses, poisonous sea rats, explosive jellyfish etc etc

 
  Very picturesque and soothing, especially when there's a gentle seabreeze.

 
  But the most valuable? Good times with good friends of course!! :)

The day before my criminal law exam, I've been dreaming of home. I come from a small little town close to the sea in Perak, tropical Malaysia. So small and so little, yet such a big part of me.

It is something that I'm quite used to and think nothing of living in a small tropical town but I could imagine it being a whole different world to others out there. I think I could still possibly be a 'kampung boy (village boy)' through and through, I'm quite proud of it really. I have always been proud to be HockChiew/FooChow, a Christian, and to be from Sitiawan.

I've always wanted to show some of my New Zealand friends this part of me, but none of them have made the effort to visit me yet (I was especially disappointed when my ex-gf didn't want to come, but it does cost a bit). But that doesn't stop me from spamming you guys with pictures!

The little jewel in my backyard, Pulau Pangkor. Very small, very secret, but some of the best coral reefs and beautiful beaches!
http://www.pulau-pangkor.com/

And where I'm going to spend a considerable amount of time in Malaysia, Marina Cove. Lovely little beach and great fun for a game of beach volleyball, or a swim in the pool, or catching the crabs and fish in the sea, or lazing around getting a tan (not that you want one in malaysia, it's much better to look fair in malaysia), or watching the packs of monkeys that come to the seaside, or just enjoying a nice dinner at the japanese restaurant. Sigh... dreaming of home...
http://www.cuti.com.my/hotel/info.php3?id=1804&hotel=Sherwood+Marina+Cove+Lumut

Back in paradise in a month's time.... Can't wait :)

Don't worry about my last post, I think it's just because I spent the whole day trying to figure out something that I don't really understand. I'm just frustrated and kicking myself for not understanding it. I think most of you guys would be the same when reading about the interpretation of exclusion/exemption clauses in law. I'll be ok.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land, that I heard of once,
In a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams
That you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day, I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Way up above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me

I know somewhere over the rainbow
The blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I

I think I'm about to crack, there's only so much information a person can handle, and it's come to the point where I'm questioning my ability to learn, I fear I might've lost my ability to learn!
Coz I understand it, but then when I bring my mind to it again, I can't recall it.

There's so much to know, and so little time to know it all in. Have I reached my limit? I've only studied for 2 out of my 4 exams, I haven't even thought about the other 2 yet. If you ever want a subject that will test your mental robustness and push you to the edge of your sanity, law is for you. Now I'm starting to really regret doing 4 Law Papers instead of the normal prescribed 2.

I have to take this systematically, not worry about the ones in future, focus on the current ones, concentrate, but honestly, i'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Is this challenge too much for me to handle? I get to thinking that maybe I've never come across a challenge before in my life, and when I come to a small challenge, I start to crack. I dunno, is four law exams a challenge? I need to prove that I have what it takes to stand up against challenges in life. If I fail in achieving my goals, I let my whakapapa (genealogy - I could be the only one in my generation of my family to graduate from a University), my parents, my friends, and mostly I'm afraid of letting myself down. I MUST PASS these exams, this storm will come to an end, the effort that you sow you will reap. A little sanity sacrificed is worth the end result, so I tell myself. And I hope I'm right.

~Thinking Schizophrenically.

How's this for a quote? Morals are only good so when you go crazy you don't go on a maniacal killing spree. Because when your mind is gone, your morals still linger. Wow am I in need of psychological attention? I'm not known for being unstable, normally I'm the logical one. Hopefully it'll go away.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but at least I'm honest.

It's a week till my exams but I'm already dreaming of all the things I'm going to be doing during the holidays, some of these include:

i) Going out to Cornwall park with everyone, having a BBQ and spending the day playing sport like Ultimate Frisbee, Touch Rugby and a little soccer.
ii) Going out to Red Castle or going onto BNet to play DOTA till the wee hours of the morning (weee!)
iii) Spending a day out at the beach playing beach volleyball, having a nice swim in the sea, getting myself a much needed tan!
iv) Endless hours on the guitar and piano *grin*
v) Trying to complete a few songs and maybe getting my CD out!
vi) Catching up on PS2 and PC gaming *deserve a different thread than DOTA*
vii) Spending time with friends, new and old alike. Must play games like Cranium, Charades *grin*, etc etc
viii) NOT STUDYING *YAY*
xi) Carolling and Musical when I get back to Malaysia
x) Going out to the apartments by the beach and having some beach fun there too!
xi) Eating all the malaysian food!!! *Drool*
xii) Playing bball at church everyday
xiii) Getting some reading done
xiv) Going on a road trip with some buddies in malaysia
xv) Oooh voice lessons (my dad's friend is apparently a vocal trainer)
xvi) Did I mention the GOOD EATING in malaysia?!?!
xvii) and NOT STUDYING?!?

Well, that's mostly what I have planned, i'm sure there'll be many spontaneous unplanned events that happen and I'll try to keep u up to date, but right now... study... :(
Why wait for time?

To Christ I cling,
In everything,
From Him nothing I hide,
In God my secrets confide,
My refuge and my tower,
He alone my source of power,
When hurt, or down,
Finds me out and I am found,
Restoreth daily my soul,
His favor, my only goal,
Though sin and fall, I often do,
Forgiven at the Cross through and through,
So thanks to You, My Saviour King
To Christ I'll cling,
In everything.

My heart is lonely but I know I need no one else but You.
Still I wait for her.

Heya, just a quick thought popped into my mind so I'd like to share it with you guys I think it was a pretty nifty thought process.

Len brought up a question just yesterday about which was the greatest attributes to have, hope, faith, love (and a few others). I screamed out my favourite answer "love" as always, but I knew it was backed up by scripture.
1st Corinthians 13:13 says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

But i've been thinking about it somemore with relation to God. And it's true, love is the greatest, v8-11 talks about how prophecies may cease, tongues may be stilled and stuff. But love is the greatest among them.

And isn't that true?
If God believed faith was the greatest, He would've had faith that we humans could make our way back to Him on our own.
If God believed hope was the greatest, He would've hoped that we would somehow make it back to Him.
Thankfully He believed LOVE was the greatest, and John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

For me personally, that meant a lot to me, sometimes people think I'm a fool for believing in that true love and I get a little down because I think that myself too sometimes. But hey, what I believe in may not be here yet, or it may not be the right time, but what I believe in faith will come to pass, for I believe in the greatest attribute of them all. And you know why?
I left out the beginning of verse 8. You want to know what it says? 1 Corinthians 13:8 "Love never fails." *smile*

Rosita is the new NZ Idol! She was always one of my favourites to win, although not my favouristist of all, I thought Nik Carlson should've been a better popstar but oh well. As you may know I've been writing weekly reviews of NZ Idol for Xtramsn.co.nz and I just handed in my last report! Yay! It feels good, i almost didn't accept the job because I didn't want to have too many obligations (1 obligation was considered too many hehe) but i guess that's part of growing up. The stronger you are, the more responsibility you have to take, so I'm glad I stuck to my obligations, proves to myself that I am somewhat responsible.

The inner deep of my heart,
I must choose to ignore,
because now is neither perfect time,
Or place, all circumstances flawed,
I know it best, meddle not with Cupid's bow,
So until seasons change, please let me my secret keep,
And perhaps one day I will let you know,
That your love is everything I want and wish to seek,
That is my heart's true inner deep.

Came across some really powerful writing recently:
Think it's called "Tired of it all"

I'm not afraid to love, and thus I cannot be afraid to lose,
But even glass smashed to dust cannot be repaired,
Every man can only walk so many miles, every cat can have only so many lives.

I hate how it feels, how i want you to know but I can't tell you
these words that are in my heart.
I hide them because I am torn between two realities, both seemingly without you,
So maybe I prefer to bide my time in this fantasy.

I'm scared, because everytime I open up my heart all I get in return are flattered rejections,
And I'm tired of it.
I know I shouldn't feel this, maybe it's not right, maybe all i need to do is grow up.

But I am a man of passion, yet i have tried to tame it over and over again,
But the fire's already a blaze, it just needs someone to enjoy the warmth.
Before it engulfs me and the flame is extinguished forever.

Perhaps that is what you were, what you are, and what you will always be, never to be more than,
The object of my affections.

I'm tired of trying to facade my way to you,
Of putting up this front that hides the real me from you
Because all it does is reveal to you something that I'm not,
And hiding is always the easier way out.

I'll come around, I always do, I'll do the right thing and tell you my feelings,
And spend the next few months piecing my heart back together again.
Everytime that happens, I'm a little weaker, and a little lesser stronger,
and I'm tired of it all.

as a lawyer-in-training, i'm often swamped with pages and pages of words but sometimes a few words say the most

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God
not me, the big Guy that lives inside me ;)

Wow, i'm not really one to indulge in a bit of self-loathing but i feel it is well deserved today. Today is another day where I totally wasted the whole day when I could have spent it studying. I woke up at 11am, rechecked my email every 15 minutes, blogged every couple of hours, studying the careful movements of Free-runners in videos, after which it is time to check my email again. So in fact I have managed to waste the whole day, and only started studying at 11pm, it only took me 12 hours to start studying.

I hate myself when I have days like these.

However, I did go to the shooting of So You Wanna Be A Popstar with my good mate Cameron Forlong coz he won two free tickets. And we got 2nd row seats and got a good look at all the Stars. That's the second shooting I've been to in a relatively short time period. Last time I got shoved right to the side, but this time I was right up front. I think I'm certain to get my "handsome" face on TV so watch channel 2 7.30 Wednesday to see yours truly! The recording itself wasn't as smooth as NZ Idol, but then it was much more complex. The dancing girls were VA-VA-VOOM.

But yeah, back to self-loathing.. where was i? I still hate myself at this moment for not having the discipline to study. So I'm turning to drastic measures, I'm now never going on MSN on my laptop again, in fact I'm disabling my wireless network adapter on my laptop. So goodbye cruel internet world, I shall see you on the other side! :) Good things take sacrifices. But I'll still try and blog every couple of days. Prayers for my studies and exams are muchly appreciated!

I saw this video on http://www.youtube.com, and I couldn't help but feel joy and a strange sense of happiness. I can't say anything except watching this for the first time was just magical.

The guy in the video is Matt Harding (http://www.wherethehellismatt.com) and he quit his job in Australia as a computer programmer to drit around the world recording videos of him dancing. He's not rich, he's just like you and me, except he's pursuing his dream. Enjoy (I know you will)!



The worldless native sounding music raises our desire to return to our natural roots, where nothing is complicated and spurs our human natural desire, that is to see more, to know more, and to understand more. It touches some innate desire so deep within us that we can't just help but smile.

I think one of the most joyful msgs this video communicates is that no matter where the human spirit is, it is indominable and free-spirited. Humans, no matter where we are, in India, Asia, Europe or America, aren't that different, we're all just trying to do our best with the cards given to us in life. The fact that the guy is dancing in his own way which would normally be laughed at (and is) wouldn't be seen as embracing the normal values of gracefulness or dexterity invokes a feeling that says "Go man, do your own thing!"

At the same time, I think part of our soul loves to celebrate the idea that a man who is sick of his monotonous life can give up his job and all his responsibilities and just see the world for what it is and do what he wants to do, which is something we people trapped in our boxed worlds can't appreciate very often so we enjoy living vicariously through him. We truly only get one childhood, one youth, one chance, one life, so cherish it. And then no matter what we look like, where we are, that we are all different, but yet we are in so many ways much more similiar and the differences seem so minute when you look at it. Celebrate life.Dance like no one's watching.

Took another test, i think i answer 60 questions (awful waste of time) so IT MUST BE TRUE (sarcasm).. But i do think that it does reflect how I think of myself... Except turning into the Man Next Door if I fail to find a love by the time I'm 30... I'm scared! :P

The Boy Next Door Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm) Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet. We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what. Your exact opposite: The 5-Night Stand Deliberate Brutal Sex Master On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold. More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not. ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: dekiwi

sometimes i think lawyers and music shouldn't go together.
only sometimes

sometimes i think i think i go for things that i can't achieve.
a dream is only a dream until you achieve it

sometimes i think i'm too lazy.
most times

They say that dreams are a window into the deepest depths of the human mind, so I'm gonna write this one down before I forget it, and maybe someone can give me a meaning to it? It's rather grim.. first time I've ever dreamed of it, so here goes.

Well, all i remember about my dream was that it was in malaysia, it was at night, and I was with some friends and we were going back to one of their places to hang out. And while we were walking around some 10 storey apartments, my eyes picked up a silhouette around the 10 floor of a guy standing on the ledge of his balcony, i looked at him and he looked at me. I wasn't sure what to think at this point, maybe he was going to jump, maybe he was just standing there and enjoying the night breeze and view. But my friend noticed him then too, and shouted "don't jump!!" upon which he took a few steps...... and jumped.

It was quick, it was quiet, until we heard the sickening thud. It didn't give the person any justice to the life he had lived up till now.

He wasn't moving at all, we ran to a nearby restaurant and told them what had happened and they called the police. After this, I just remember standing around and trying to process what had just happened. And then we continued on to our friends place and we passed the place where he had jumped. He was still lying on the floor, with a growing pool of blood around him. I don't remember much else after that.

Even though it was just a dream, it was really shocking to see him actually jump and hit the floor. Just goes to show that dreams can and do affect us. Quite scary really. Anyone want to try and figure out what any of that means?

Just got shown a movie from www.nintendogs.com and man, I really want one of those!! They look so cute~~~ Go see for yourself, and then buy me a Nintendo DS with nintendogs!! :P

Things I want for Christmas

1.A Nintendo DS + Nintendogs
2.Ipod Nano
3.World peace (can't have a wishlist without wishing for world peace)

Sweet lyrics I heard as I was browsing through my songlists. It's a song of surrender to God, when we are weak and can do nothing, God will be our strength and do everything.. if we let him have the authority.
Proverbs 3:5 says Lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him, Then He will make your paths straight. God, I pray that you will step into my life even when I think what I'm doing is right but it isn't what You wish for me.

This is "Take My Life" from Third Day.

How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it once more.

Chorus:
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus

Don't kids say the darndest things sometimes?
Here's what my cousin's daughter (my niece 1st removed I guess) said when she went to ballet lessons, she's only 3 i think! This is an extract taken from my sister's blog (yes I do have a sister!) from http://chiwigal.blogspot.com!

Teacher: Now girls.... let us all pretend to be butterflies.. so flap your wings and fly like a butterfly...

(Kelly, my cousin's daughter, and Kaitlyn (my niece) standing in the middle while everyone else is flying like butterflies, round and round the room)

Teacher: (to Kelly and Kaitlyn) Don't you girls wanna fly like butterflies??

Silence....

Teacher: Ok... you girls don't want to be butterflies, well then.. (turning to Kelly) what would you like to be?

Kelly: Worm

Yep, kids do really say the darndest things. Unless Kelly is the world's youngest breakdancer and actually wants to do the worm, which would be cool too! :)

Sometimes it can be a drag to always have internal conflicts, but right now's one of the times I really feel grateful to always be struggling on the inside. Hey, it may not show right now, and sometimes I feel I haven't changed whatsoever, but it's the little things that change, Rome wasn't built in a day, and even if you don't see it, trust me, you ARE making progress, and you will see the benefits one day. Just as a rolling stone gathers no moss, keep rolling on with life and being all that you can be!

Just a quick thought and jotting down of my feelings.. Retards of Ruapehu 2 is deviously in production in the far recesses of my sinister mind *grin*!

"Beautiful Lord, Wonderful savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plans

You gently called me into your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray

Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand"

-- Edit: I found this while surfing again... lol, it doesn't get much better than this! How long can you hold it?! This could entertain certain people I know for days.. :P HoldTheButton.com
I must admit I only held the button for a measly 14.84 seconds before I realised I should be studying and that this was a mega mega mega MEGA waste of time! Not to mention utterly stupid :P But enjoy! I wanna see you guys post how long YOU can hold the button! Who knows? You could even break the record!

Hey today I thought I'd do something really different and maybe perhaps even amusing (gasp! Charles? amusing? no way!!) and put up some photos of the Mt Ruapehu trip, we went to the Turoa slopes and had a whole lot of fun! I'll be putting these up as a set of pictures that tell a story, so I'll apologise for the millions and millions of photos that are going up (they shlda never let me know about posting photos *grin*).. I call it "Retards Of Ruapehu: On Ice" and am currently in negotiation with Peter Jackson to make it as a sequel to LoTR. Enjoy!!



Somewhere in a faraway and mysterious land called the Shire, New Zealand...

[There were three hobbitses looking for my p-p-p-precious] Golum, u're supposed to be dead! Remember, falling into Mt Doom and all? [Oh true, *evaporates into thin air*] Uhm.. anyways.. these hobbits were called Chris, Sam and Amos. And they embarked on a great quest to find and successfully ski/snowboard Mt Mood (spell that one backwards)!







They perused the parchment trusted upon them by their wise friend that would direct them upon their treacherous journey (notice how the map is upside down... there's a twist). That wise friend was called...








The Yellow Retarded Wizard, the Great Gancharles!! (And ohhh boy do I look retarded in that photo...)








And so... after boosting a Van from the mean streets of Mangere.. I mean, procuring a mechanised chariot from Lady OhImSoPretty, they began their journey, not knowing what lay ahead. There were many days of singing hobbit folksongs like Bohemian Rhapsody, and I Would Walk 500 Miles, not to mention the anthem All I Want For Christmas is My Hairy-Foot Shaver®. And all was well until..







They fought and killed the dreaded sea monster (a giant sea cucumber by the looks of it!) of the Lake of Holeinone...








After which they proceeded to have a quick game of golf!








But ever focused on their journey, they then trudgingly kept on their exhausting and dangerous journey (hey! haven't we seen that photo before?)







When they finally got there, they were disappointed by what they saw, Mt Doom was not all they had hoped it would but. But ever persistant, with the hopes of all OCF'ers on their shoulders, they continued their quest to conquer the dangerous mountains.. with much limited success..







After discovering that it did matter which side you read a map from, they then reoriented themselves towards the mountains. (*YAWN* same photo again....)








They passed the Forrests of Fartgorn (sorry just couldn't resist)....








And when they were just about at the end of their spirits (not alcohol, doh, pun!), they sighted far off in the distance a long white cloud which eventually turned out to be a mountain, they had finally reached the feet of the domineering Mt Mood! Woo!

Ok well that was Chapter One.. I'll continue it on sometime if I ever feel inspired again, and knowing how often I blog these days, it won't be too long :) Stay tuned! Because next episode we get to the action scenes, and of special mention is the foreign impressive army of Saucer numbering in the thousands called sheepzors or something like that.. You can see a sneak preview in this photo!







But here's a less retarded photo of me (phew) and I was near the summit, never got there because of bad weather. But it was still pretty high up!

Today's a rainy downcast day again and I've been stuck at home studying, reading, and lying in bed. Not a bad day to be doing those things, but I found out how to post photo's on my blog now, yay! So I thought i'd post a couple pictures I took from the Bay of Islands. Photography is one of my many interests, it's a great challenge trying to capture as much beauty as you can in one photo, but God's creation is so awesome coz you can never capture the full beauty of it all in a picture... and in a way I'm glad.

God is so creative and His creation so marvellous that it could never be caught in a photo, it can never replace the feeling of just being there. Just the same, we could never expect to understand God because if we could, He wouldn't be God now would He?

But anyways, enjoy the photos, in my mind I'm already on that boat fishing the day away and catching some huge snapper! :) Oh and eating all the oysters at the same time, JUST LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM *drool*

When one has so much to offer, but no one can see it, does he actually offer something at all or is he fooling himself?

Think about it :)

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