Don't worry, I've not gone weird or gotten married nor am I pregnant. The past few posts are just things that I wrote after my last relationship (which was a longggggggggg time ago). I always thought I'd use them for a song or two, but seems like they'll stay just words for now. Which is fine by me.

Heh. Some of those seem funny now that I read them again.

The hopeless romantic never dies.

Well that's that,
You've said what you needed to say,
And now we stand as separate,
No longer taking a secret joy in that connection that is now 1severed.
And I can only regret the things
I did to make you do what you did.

I should've given you more attention,
I should've been more sympathetic,
I should've been there for you.
But now these things I want to be have changed from 'should've' to 'never will',
Because I'll never get the chance again
Because time cannot turn back the hands of time and I'm left here,
Feeling so sorry for the way I'd treated you,
You didn't deserve it,
It was all me, my life my lies and my ego,

What use is pride when you end up alone with an empty house for a heart.
The warmth I dreamt of was always only a teasing whisper in the breeze.
And my heart continues to reach out for it, grasping the nothingness of an empty illusion.

We often see our mistakes only after we've done them,

We only miss people after they've moved on,

We'll only ever know what we had, once it's gone.

It's a sunny sunday outside
but inside my heart
just the little things in life
tear me apart
and i'm feeling pressed down
a little bent
like i'm getting worn away
i can't be strong forever
in fact i'm weak as hell today

woh-oh-oh i, i know i'm living a blue monday
the wrong day of the week for my life
just another blue monday
i wish dawn was here but it's never gonna reach
the reds and yellows all turn to grey

i'm feeling lazy
even a little crazy
wondering meanings of nothings
everything's hazy
too many things daze me

looking for this light at the end that's supposed to be in view
but finding nothing more than a wall that calls itself a seal
waiting for the day this crooked will not bend
waiting for the moment this all will end

and even if these wings weren't meant to fly
i'll still gonna spread them wide, i was born to try
for nothing worth something ever came for free
and maybe one day this could just be too easy

Restless dreams
by the candlelight
illuminate all of my fears inside
the northern wind
sends chills down my spine (it gives me chils)
as i try to keep this
dying flame alive
this dying flame alive

So darling can't you see
Nothing ever comes for free
sometimes you give less than you take
You know your fragile heart I'll never break

I've given up my dreams just to hold you
Gone and lost my way just to find you
Did nothing ever reach your heart
I did it all for you
Gave it all I had
Don't regret it now
You did this to yourself

is it asking too much
is it asking at all
Oh was I a fool to hope your forever meant forever

Wake up now and smell the roses
And throw the memories of yesterday away
Today's a brand new day and it's time to find a new horizon
It's time for you to put on those new shiny shoes
And let everyone know that you're not here to lose
You gotta give it all your best now
You're gonna make yourself damn proud

Though everyone's waiting for you to fall
I'll be there when you call

Wake up early in the morning
Sunlight's yet to greet the sky
Still the same old story same old life
Bills to pay and things to buy
Chances wasted
Another day's gone
You try your best
but you never belong

And everything's not as it seems
The waves are crashing down on you
The world is spinning round and round
And you're swimming hard trying not to drown
The walls are closing in You can't escape
It's way too late
Take my hand, I'll hold it tight
I'll save you tonight

2006 was sooooooooooooo last year!

I'm back~ Blogger was giving me some problems but it's all good now, hope u're ready for a new year of lame jokes, contradictory contradictions, oh, and don't forget the seasonal "i feel so lonely.. why does nobody love me" posts.

Happy Chinese New Year, hope all you pigs have a great year ahead (may sound rude but it's not).

Blog ya later, expect so much more :)

What's been up in my life:

Camps camps camps! And the church Youth Musical! You can read my good friend James Ong's blog for more details! I don't have an internet connection at home in Malaysia, so I don't have much time to blog, and I've been really busy. Hope everyone's going well and has a really great Christmas! God bless you guys~~
http://j-mes.blogspot.com/2006/12/campscampsmusicalpart-1.html

Blog 2
It was a cool balmy 24 degrees centigrade when the plane touched down in KLIA. It’s been raining apparently, so the huge shock one normally gets from stepping outside of KLIA was somewhat dampened. The extra humidity in the air is still noticeable though. It’s interesting how my brain is handling this, I was surprised that it was like I had not left at all, it’s like once I arrived back in Malaysia, all the time in NZ was a dream. It is as though I had never got on the plane for NZ at the beginning of the year, and that I had just visited KLIA and was about to just head out after a day. I still remember vividly eating at McDonalds with my dad as if it was yesterday, I could probably still remember what we ordered too. Maybe this is what they mean by the saying “when I dream that I am a butterfly, am I a man dreaming I am a butterfly? Or am I a butterfly dreaming that I am a man?” Well.. it is 4.15am NZ time so maybe my mind is just not processing the information correctly.

Even before an hour on the road, and already we’ve seen an accident happen on the motorway. Some boyracer was going too fast when suddenly 2 lanes merged into one because of road works, and the car lost control. Thankfully the car was able to slow down considerably before hitting the barrier, causing minimal damage. But yeah, wow Malaysian driving is scary!

I am now on the way to Bidor, which is about 2 hours away from KL, we have a certain shop that we always stop by for food, it’s become somewhat of a tradition now. It’s great to see mum and dad again, we’ve spent the last hour catching up on each others lives. I’m feeling sleepy, tired, and jetlagged, but also have a sense of security now that I’m in the passenger seat with my parents driving again.
Just like old times.

5.08am – we stopped by Bidor and had a bite to eat. Once again, it seemed like I had just been to it last week, but it has already been a year. I told my parents this and my dad said “yeah of course it hasn’t changed, it hasn’t changed in 20 or 40 years!” Coming back from living in a city, that’s a really difficult concept to grasp, everything changes in a city, and quickly too!
Although I dreaded making the trip back, having to travel for about slightly less than 20 hours, as soon as the food we ordered came and I stuck the first fishball into my mouth, I realised that it was all worth it. Just one bite and all my regrets of leaving disappeared. What price can you put on a taste of home?
We ordered fishball soup, ee mee, a fish dish (haruan), and halfway through my parents decided to order turtle! I felt a bit hesitant at first, seeing how turtles are endangered but when in rome, do as the romans do. It kinda had the texture of beef, although there were other parts which were different like the bone and tendons. I haven’t had turtle in a very long time, possibly about 8 years or so.

There’s no real point in this post, just a record of my thoughts and musings.

My Perfect Day

It's not everyday you get to go swimming in paradise!

With a great view right next to the swimming pool!

Where the kids are happy,

And the family aren't trying to kill each other,

And the water's clean, cool and refreshing,

And you even have some champagne on the ice...

And let's not forget the kids!

GREETINGS FROM MALAYSIA! I hope everyone is having as great a time as I am! God bless you all these holidays!!

Here I am, sitting in front of my computer at 3.54am on the 23rd of November 2006. In 10 hours, I will be on a flight due for Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Although the yearly 3 month trip back to Malaysia is a journey that I have made physically, mentally, psychologically many times in my life, it is somewhat different now. It is possibly one of the last few times that I will be able to be with my family for such an extended period of time. I wasn't even supposed to come back for this long this time round were it not for my brother's wedding.

The truth is that most adults that work and live away from their hometowns don't get the chance to spend months reconnecting with their roots in their hometowns. Sometimes they can only spend 2 or 3 days visiting their parents. I am privileged to be able to come back and reintegrate with the town that I grew up in.

I remember that for a period in my teens of about 2 or 3 years, our family never sat down as a family unit together for dinner even once. This was because of our links both to New Zealand and Malaysia, my sister and my brother would be studying in New Zealand, or my parents would be away back in Malaysia. So I was tremendously happy a couple years later when once again my whole family sat at the same table; my father, mother, brother, sister, grandmother and me. That is why I cherish coming home and spending time with my family. It won't be long until my brother moves into his own new house (which is next door to my father's house btw), and my sister and Jake move back to New Zealand, and I'll be somewhere God only knows and the family unit that I know of will forever be changed.

I have got a couple things to look forward to, we are moving into a new house, my brother Anthony Ling is getting married to Jo Cyee after 4-5 years of courtship, the yearly musical that was postponed last year might be held this year, being a helper at the national Methodist Youth camp Youthquake, and seeing old friends and finding new adventures!

And once again, I feel a reluctance to let go of the life I have built this year in New Zealand. I still haven't really cleaned up my house since exams were over. I have close friends whom I do not want to leave for 3 months. I want to explore who I am and what I can be now that I have time.

But these feelings aren't new, these conflicts not unfelt before. It's just that with these old feelings comes a new feeling of urgency. To make the most of my time that I have left in Malaysia.

Because I'll be coming home as usual, but it may not be the usual much longer.

If only we could see each other as Jesus sees us, there would be no wars and no broken hearts.
Lord, open the eyes of our hearts.

If home is where the heart is, then the problem with having two hearts is that you're never where half of your heart is.

God, make my heart only for You.

The most painful thing in this life is when you know that you've found the single greatest truth in your life but have to keep silent about it.

Of Fairy Tales and Fables

If you look to www.dictionary.com and searched for the word "fable," you would get this as the first result. According to dictionary.com, a fable is "a short tale to teach a moral lesson, often with animals or inanimate objects as characters; apologue: the fable of the tortoise and the hare; Aesop's fables."

How many of us would remember who Aesop was? Or what some of his fables were? And no, Fable is not a computer game developed by Lionhead Studios! I remember reading about the fox and his sour grapes when I was young and learning good a moral lesson - never despise what we cannot get. Looking back in my life, I see that this little lesson has played a big part in my life, and how did i learn this lesson? A mere fable. The television shows that kids watch these days, such as Spongebob Squarepants and Cow and Chicken, seem more for entertainment than for teaching kids about morals and values. Can we blame people then when they don't know anything about sportsmanship or honesty? No, not really. However, some cartoons do attempt to espouse good moral values but once again I would say that it is still overshadowed by the need to entertain. We do need to be mindful of what we feed our children's minds, and our own minds. Anyways, That's not really the point of this post.

An interesting fact, did you know that it was not uncommon for a fable to not have a happy ending? Hansen and Gretel were eaten by the witch, for example. However, people like happy endings and now almost every story you hear has a happy ending.

The REAL point of this post for me to tell you a little fable. I call it:

"The Bird and the Boy"

There once was a boy and a bird. The boy lived by himself in a small house and the bird lived in a nest in a tree just outside the boy's house. Now, it was springtime and so all the birds would chirp and sing but this bird was the best of them all. The bird would sing louder than any other bird. The bird would sing all day, in the morning, in the afternoon and again in the evening.

Now the boy had heard the bird singing every day, but he disliked the bird because it disturbed his peace and quiet. He would chase the bird away everytime the bird began to sing. But the bird, as birds do, continued to sing his merry little song.

One day, the boy was got so angry that he came up with a plan. He would throw poisoned food outside of his house and maybe the bird would eat it and become sick. He did this.

The next day, the boy heard the bird singing again, loud as ever. However, he decided to forget about the bird and continue with his daily life.

One week later, the boy noticed that the bird did not sing anymore. There was no more cheerful chirps around his house during that day. "Maybe the bird is just too busy to sing today," the boy thought. The next day, the boy tried to listen for the bird's song, but again there was no song to be heard. The boy started to get worried but as the days passed, the little bird did not appear.

The boy realised that he missed the bird and its songs. He felt lonely now that the house was so quiet. He remembered how the bird would sing and fill the house with song, but now all that was left was the boy and his little home.

*THE END*

Little bird, where are you? Won't you come back and sing another song?

My dad and his brothers and sisters have always been close even though there are often a lot of dramas between them. But they know well that blood is thicker than water. When my grandfather was still alive, my uncles and aunties would meet up every night at his house to chat about daily events and when we were young, we would be brought along to this daily ritual. I had stayed at my grandfathers house for a few years with my family after we moved back to Malaysia while my house was being built. So this means that I got to know my cousins pretty well after seeing them every night for years.

I have more than 15 cousins on my father's side. However, I do not consider myself close with all of them. However, there has always been 2 of my cousins that I have considered closer to me than the others. One of these 2 is my cousin Jamie.

My dear beautiful cousin Jamie was married on the 4th of November 2006. She is 2 years older than me but sometimes I felt that I was the one protecting her from all her admirers (and she had a lot!). We have always been close since we were young. I remember the times when we were younger when we would play Ghost, and cook things on milo lids with candles for fires, and go out with lanterns during the mooncake festival to 'scare evil spirits' away. I will also always remember being taken to Pesta Laut (before they banned it!) with your family and how you and Annie told me it was bad to whistle at night because real ghosts would follow me home. I remember the talks and laughs we shared throughout the years. Your family helped make me feel welcome when I was just a young boy who had just moved back from New Zealand and had no friends. I am just so grateful to God for such a great cousin.

However, girls who dream of marriage change into women who get married so CONGRATULATIONS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. I pray God's blessing on your marriage and may you bring God's presence to your new family! Sorry I couldn't make it because I had exams then. So a note on blogspot will have to do for now till I can offer you my congrats in person.

We are still close (she works for my dad), but I wonder how things will turn out now that you're married. Will we still be the same? Somehow I think we will. :) Benz you are a very lucky guy, you need to take care of my cousin or you will have to answer to me! Hehe, I guess I still got that protective streak in me.

Congratulations Jamie, may you find your happily ever after. I think you owe me a celebratory dinner when I get back to Malaysia. ;)

"No I'm not color blind. I know the world is black and white"


The lyrical genius that is John Mayer. From his album "Continuum," highly recommended, highly enjoyed. Damn near made me cry once I found what the words were.
The song is about life, and how fast it passes, and how we can never seem to stop it.

Psalm 39 says
4 "Show me, O LORD, my life's end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting is my life.
5 You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Each man's life is but a breath.
Selah
6 Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:
He bustles about, but only in vain;
he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.
7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.

Land Law test tomorrow.

Stop This Train - John Mayer

No, I'm not colorblind
I know the world is black and white
I try to keep an open mind
But I just can't sleep on this tonight

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it
I don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun

Had a talk with my old man
Said "help me understand"
He said "turn sixty-eight
You renegotiate"

"Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train"

Once in awhile, when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing

Stop this train
I want to get off
And go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I will never stop this train

People normally chase people, then find out whether they like each other or not. I'm not one of those, I decide whether I'm in the right place, whether I like the girl, and if I do, then i chase after her. It's a method that causes a whole lot of heartache (in a life full of heartaches already) and I guess as a result, I'm very cautious of giving my heart away. Call in insecurity, I call it self-sacrifice. Call it stupidity, I call it living how I want to. I don't care that it's not how the world operates. But that's how I'll keep going, as long as I can. Until someone sees me for who I am.
Call it sentimental suicide... I call it loving the love of your life even before she loves you. I'm going to love her for her, not for my insecurities, not for my need of companionship, not because it seemed the right thing to do at the time.

"i believe, my life's gonna see, the love I give, returned to me."

AOCF Concert 2006!

We haven't had a AOCF concert in 3 years now! I still remember it quite vividly, had a pretty good time, I sang "Sick Cycle Carousel" by Lifehouse, lost in a fooseball match to a 7 year old, and heard after about the numerous complaints we got from neighbours about the noise level! Rest assured we are never welcome to have another concert at that hall anymore. I was nervous back when singing back then. However this time I'm singing 6 songs!! Eek that's a bit of a promotion isn't it?

We still haven't really got a name for the band yet. Although its members consist of:
Baz: Drums
Tian Xiang: Guitar
Amos: Guitar
Iggy: Bass
Me: Vocals
Plus
Tania: Synth
Lily: Vocals
will be joining us for a few songs.

These guys are the greatest, it's an honour to be in a band with these guys. I've always looked up to these guys. They are all so musical, and I feel like I have the least to contribute.

I can't disclose the songs list yet, showmanship you see? Apparently it's not good to let people know what songs you are singing until the performance itself. Kinda like knowing the plot before reading a book I guess? it's much more rockier than what I've ever done though, we've even got a bit of screamo! However I am enjoying jumping around like a spastic schizophrenic bugger on stage, hopefully the atmosphere at the concert will be charged enough so that I can do stuff like that without looking like a complete idiot!

Anyways, the details are:
Location: Elim City Church, 74 Cook Street, City Block District.
Time: 7.30pm
What: 4 bands, 1 dance group, competitions, prizes, FREE ICE-CREAM!
How much: 10 dollars (fundraising for AOCF)

I've had a lot of trouble selling tickets to my friends, I initially thought I'd be able to sell 20 easily, but apparently the 30th September 2006 is one of the busiest nights in people's schedules! Either that or I don't have a lot of friends... People have parties to attend, birthdays to celebrate, pets that need burying, headaches to enjoy.. you get the picture. However people are coming in at the last minute and buying tickets off me, so that's been encouraging!

Lemme know if you want a ticket!
Let's just hope I don't end up being another person. Need a hint? Look down.


Oh well, it's all for the glory of God! Thanks God for the opportunity to sing for You!
Will let you know how it all turns out! :D

Fool, by the time you realise you really like her, she's already gone!

Don't it always seem to go, and you don't know what you go till it's gone.

Highlights of the Hols!
1) Rocking it up with the Six Man Sumo Squat Squad aka Kitten's Kite (depending on which day it is) at the UMSA ball 2006!! I was sick until the last day, couldn't sing at all really, but God was good to me and we did great! Big props to TX, Irvin, Ian, Jun Bin, and our invisible 6th member!
2) Carving it up with friends on the mega-mountain that is Ruapehu! We snowboarded at Turoa, thank God for perfect weather, unlimited visibility, and just the breeze in your face hurtling down the mountain at breakneck speeds and adrenaline pumping through your veins. Best snowboarding ever! Great company too! Ronald, Amos, Ben, Hsen Han, Tania, Cheryl, Gladys, Matt Loh, Evan, Lydia, Ivan, Stephz and Edward!
3) Checking it out at the windy city that is Wellington along with the WICF crew that is Fiona, Francesca, Ruth, Elaine, Jessica, Daniel, Peng, Aik Win, and many many more. You guys rock!! Thanks Peng for putting up with 3 of us for that long, I admire your voice bro! Remember Ruth, we're having that fishing trip with the huge oyster buffet one day!!
The rest of the hols just disappeared in games of dota, my trusty PS2, working on assignments, eating lots of good food (thank you Mum and Dad), and hanging out!

On a sad note, rest in Peace Steve Irwin, we will remember you for your passion and your enthusiasm. You can rest in the knowledge that you did make a difference in making people love animals more. God bless you and be with your family.

On another note,
"Oh Lord, that you would bless me indeed
that you extend my territory,
and that your Hand may be upon me,
and help me avoid Evil." ~The Prayer of Jabez
All for Your Glory, it all belongs to You.