Time : 1.48AM 29/11/05
Place: Home, as always.
Event: Coming home (wherever that is)

He sits there. Having spent the last 2 hours entertaining his friends and as the last one left the door, it starts to sink in.

"Wow, I can't believe it's that time of year again" he thinks to himself.

He isn't over the moon yet neither is he reluctant to go, he just feels... conflicted. So full of emotion yet neither one overtaking the other and leaving him just smack dab in the centre which makes him confused about whether he actually cares whether he's going or not? But deep down he knows he does care, but right now it is a dead stalemate and he knows that in the next few days, both sides will boast victories and losses over each other, leaving him in the rollercoaster ride.

He has had his life change at least twice on this day on prior occasions, both times for the worse (or so it seemed). Twice he had a girlfriend the day before and by the time he stepped onto the plane, for all intensive purposes, he was single. But he was never one to linger on such thoughts, "it's all for the best, it always is" he thought.

This was Catalyst Day, the day where everything changed. And like everyone else, he was afraid of change. Yet change brought the most growth and produces maturity, and yet maturity was something he thought he had yet lacked at the same time. It was what everyone wanted and what everyone hated, "what a contradiction" he thought, but this wasn't new to him, the world was a contradiction unto itself anyways.

Yet, he was single this year, having already beat the plane so that didn't bother him. He had a lot of things going on for him, friends to spend time with, something that he rarely got to do on more than a superficial level while he was studying; computer games to finish, music to write, and oh, that book he borrowed and had yet to finish.

Yet it wasn't all bad, he knew that he only got to see his family once or twice a year, and that he was missing out on his niece's and nephew's childhood. And it was always the last time that he thought he would see his grandmother, a 94 year old tender thing that was strong as an ox but yet senile as a mule. It usually was the other way round with elderlys. He would visit her as much as he could while the opportunity was still available, it was the least he could do. He knew he would once again understand what it would be like to have a family, something he would forget living alone sometimes.

He would miss his freedom, to do things whenever they needed to be done, yet he would appreciate having other people pay for dinner, or driving him around. The economist in him knew all the advantages and disadvantages, but the realist in him knew that in the end it was all equally balanced and in fact, it really didn't matter anyways. Home was where the heart was, and there were pieces lying around both in New Zealand and Malaysia.

"Ah well, there isn't any time to sit and ponder anymore, it was 2.23am now, and the plane would leave in about 12 hours. A smile or a tear could wait, he needed to go through and make sure he had packed all he needed for the next 3 months of change."

Change My Heart O God,
Make It Ever True
Change My Heart O God,
May I Be Like You

I'm coming home