Here I am, sitting in front of my computer at 3.54am on the 23rd of November 2006. In 10 hours, I will be on a flight due for Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Although the yearly 3 month trip back to Malaysia is a journey that I have made physically, mentally, psychologically many times in my life, it is somewhat different now. It is possibly one of the last few times that I will be able to be with my family for such an extended period of time. I wasn't even supposed to come back for this long this time round were it not for my brother's wedding.

The truth is that most adults that work and live away from their hometowns don't get the chance to spend months reconnecting with their roots in their hometowns. Sometimes they can only spend 2 or 3 days visiting their parents. I am privileged to be able to come back and reintegrate with the town that I grew up in.

I remember that for a period in my teens of about 2 or 3 years, our family never sat down as a family unit together for dinner even once. This was because of our links both to New Zealand and Malaysia, my sister and my brother would be studying in New Zealand, or my parents would be away back in Malaysia. So I was tremendously happy a couple years later when once again my whole family sat at the same table; my father, mother, brother, sister, grandmother and me. That is why I cherish coming home and spending time with my family. It won't be long until my brother moves into his own new house (which is next door to my father's house btw), and my sister and Jake move back to New Zealand, and I'll be somewhere God only knows and the family unit that I know of will forever be changed.

I have got a couple things to look forward to, we are moving into a new house, my brother Anthony Ling is getting married to Jo Cyee after 4-5 years of courtship, the yearly musical that was postponed last year might be held this year, being a helper at the national Methodist Youth camp Youthquake, and seeing old friends and finding new adventures!

And once again, I feel a reluctance to let go of the life I have built this year in New Zealand. I still haven't really cleaned up my house since exams were over. I have close friends whom I do not want to leave for 3 months. I want to explore who I am and what I can be now that I have time.

But these feelings aren't new, these conflicts not unfelt before. It's just that with these old feelings comes a new feeling of urgency. To make the most of my time that I have left in Malaysia.

Because I'll be coming home as usual, but it may not be the usual much longer.