Week 5:

Week 5 into the search and I'm still looking for a job. It's not all bad news, I went to a Deloitte's Ability Assessment (Psychometric Analysis Test) yesterday and have to wait till the 6th of April to hear back whether I've made it into the final stage of recruitment which is the interviews. But at the same time, I've still to receive any solid job offers.

It would have as easy as snapping my fingers to get a job last year (ok, maybe not that easy), but now with the economy in recession and all that it's proved quite a challenge so far. I'm still not discouraged yet, because I know who I am and what I have to offer. But maybe it's God telling me to go back to Malaysia or maybe not to get into Banking or Law. Maybe He wants me to go into His ministry, become an asian popstar, or join the circus? I just need to have faith in His leading and His plans.

I've tried to make my time productive though. Since then, I have:
i) gone to see Jensen's pet store 3 times (they have very cute puppies).
ii) sent a lot of messages on facebook.
iii) tried to read some books.
iv) killed 1500+ zombies on Left 4 Dead.
v) taken some very korean pictures.
vi) driven around 500km in my new car.

Haha, seriously though:
i) continued on with my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
ii) joined a Chinese Singing Competition (1st prize $2000 and a ticket to HK)
iii) spent time catching up with good friends (thanks Wei-Shen, Marc, Wei Lun, Eddy, Eugene and all the others).
iv) worked a lot at my casual time job and managed to watch Coldplay live. (they were awesome!)
iv) kept on with studying chinese. Wo de zhong wen hai shi bu hao T_T
v) helped out with OCF and my church youth Group.
vi) tried my very best to keep a friendship that means the world to me.
vii) and to bring it all around, job-searching!

I'm also trying to find some charity work to do since I have so much time now. Anyone have any suggestions? I've been thinking the Salvation Army or the Citizen's Advice Bureau.

How do I feel? I feel a little disappointed that I haven't found a job yet, but I trust in God and I thank Him for my parents who are here at the moment which makes things easier and for good friends, both in Malaysia and New Zealand. I've been learning I need to trust God more and this is an area which I practice that. When our faith in God is never misplaced, He will never let us down.

Special thanks goes to Wei-Shen who has been hanging out with me coz we're both got so much free time. It was fun driving around, getting fined $60 for parking in a clear way, looking at cute animals, and just talking about our problems for hours on end. I'll be sad to see you go when you go to China and become a Chinadoll. You'll always be a dear friend to me. =)

Despite all that's happened, I will never regret meeting you.

I wear my heart on my sleeve, is that a weakness or is that something beautiful?

童話 (王光良)

忘了有多久 再沒聽到你
對我說你最愛的故事
我想了很久 我開始慌了
是不是我又做錯了甚麼

你哭著對我說 童話裡都是騙人的
我不可能是你的王子
也許你不會懂 從你說愛我以後
我的天空星星都亮了

我願 (要) (會) 變成童話裡
你愛的那個天使
張開雙手 變成翅膀守護你
你要相信 相信我們會像童話故事裡
幸福和快樂是結局

Tong Hua (Fairytale) by Guang Liang [from Ipoh!]

I've forgotten how long it's been
Since I last heard you
Tell me your favourite fairytale
I've thought for a very long time
I'm starting to get worried
Have I done something wrong again?

You told me with tears in your eyes
That fairytales are all lies
There's no way I can be your prince charming
Perhaps you don't understand
Since you said you loved me
The stars in my sky started to twinkle

I'm willing to be
The angel you love in the fairytale
I'll open my arms wide
And turn them into wings to protect you
You must believe
Believe that we will be like the fairytale
With happy ever after as the ending

Together we'll write our own ending

及还是我衷心的臆 给你.

Pretty faces I can see everywhere.
Kinds girls are behind every other door.
Musical talent is given by God to the masses.
And humor lies in even the world's best bore,
So I wonder, when out of all those I could choose from,
Why did my heart choose you?

I thought I would always be wild and uncontrollable
And that no one woman could never be enough for me
But your heart spoke to my heart,
And soothed its deepest doubts,
To others, you might be a plain Jane.
But you were the most special to me.

Somehow I felt we had a special connection that surpasses all facades
We spoke on the same wavelength, laughed at each other's sarcastic remarks,
We saw things the same way, and we could tell each other our deepest secrets,
I thought although we came from different backgrounds,
We could have the same future,
Coz our hearts are the same.
Was I that wrong?

But, I'd rather lose you now than never have you at all.

My heart aches for you.
But it calls out in futility.

To leave behind the most beautiful treasure you've found, it's a tragedy. I'd rather die.

You played me for a fool. I played my part.
Wanted to have your cake and eat it.
I told you, I'll only give this much to her, You could be her.
I don't want to play your games anymore.

Although it's damaged,
It can be fixed, if you want it to be,
I'm not coming all the way for you anymore
You need to show me how much your own happiness means to you.
I still have faith in us, I still believe in you, I still cherish who you are.
I'll be where I am.
You say jump, I say 'how high'?

The eternal chasm of love and hate.

I could have had anyone, but I chose you.

How can I forget her?
When everytime I see a piano, I'm reminded of her.
Whenever a classical tune plays, she's on my mind.
When I laugh, I'm reminded of hers.
While I drive my car, I'm thinking of her.
She's on my mind, constantly.
The last thing I think of before I sleep
And first to enter my thoughts when I wake up,
Yet she doesn't love me the way I want
She plays a little too hard to get,
And she plays these mind games on me everytime.
Yet I fall for her every trap,
and I hate myself for it.
But she's my only wish,
My only chance of happiness.

I'd love you even without the games.

Just be mine.

This piece is something I wrote 2 years ago in 2007. Sometimes I keep posts as drafts because I don't like to post them up straightaway. Hope you like it.

Old age and death, it comes upon all of us, it's so far proved too formidable an enemy for modern science. Imagine this, you are 75 years old and you have just been diagnosed with a debilitating disease and you get weaker and weaker each day. You will die soon. The doctors have told you that you will no longer be able to walk anyday now. You're still in shock over the news. One night you attend a wedding of a grandchild and you ask your wife, your faithful companion for the past 50 years, for one final dance.

One Final Dance
The band starts playing that same waltz,
The one that we've heard a million times before
The one helped me sweep you off your feet
More times than once; but henceforth no longer
Because it is my final promenade with you

Tomorrow the demons that come are cruel
They come to collect from age what's due
To replace my final steps with frail immobility
Tomorrow I dance no longer with you

I chide myself, and move along,
Out of step and beat, my hearing gone,
Pride no longer holds me still, nor people's stares
For it's not a dance with them that I'll forbear
If tonight I don't dance with you

And though it seems more like a hobble than a shuffle
You always danced better than I did
But for now, let me savour these moments
Not the song, or the band,
But I dance to the beat of your heart,
The rhythm of your laugh,
And so, beat by beat,
Cheek to cheek,
This much I'll do
My final dance with you

I think you meet a lot of different people in this world. There are those who use people and discard them after their usefulness has run out. There are those people who have been treated badly in life and so treat people just as badly. There are people who manipulate others just to get what they want.

Somehow, it's really sad that there are people like this in the world.
It may seem funny but I think that there is a period in everyone's life where they are 'ripe' for the plucking. And if they aren't plucked, they become spoilt for the rest of their lives.
For me, that's really sad. = (

how can i show you i'm not just another admirer?

i don't want to stand in line and take a number.

if i'm not special to you, i'll jump out of queue.

sometimes i feel that i have so little to give you.

but yet i know there's something in me worth giving that will make u happy.

my feeelings haven't changed at all.

For some reason, I'm thinking of my grandma. I miss her.

Smile. =)

You're not someone I can just let go and forget.

The heart of a lover, the soul of a poet.

Hard times always makes us the most creative, that's life.

We need to express emotion.

No drama this time.

I'd just like to tell you I'm sorry for the past week. It's been hard for me, and because of that I made it hard for you too. I'm sorry. I hope you won't regret knowing me. I hope we can move on from this and keep growing stronger in our friendship. You mean a lot to me. I'll listen to you if you have anything to say.

Thanks for being you. =)

I'm still worried about your bruised legs. I wish I could carry you away and out from here.

You'll Never Find (I'm thinking of the Michael Buble version)

You'll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you tender like I do
You'll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you the way I do

Whoa, I'm not braggin' on myself, baby
But I'm the one who loves you
And there's no one else, no-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else

You'll never find, it'll take the end of all time
Someone to understand you like I do
You'll never find the rhythm, the rhyme
All the magic we shared, just us two

Whoa, I'm not tryin' to make you stay, baby
But I know some how, some day, some way
You are (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it's cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

You'll never find another love like mine
Someone who needs you like I do
You'll never see what you've found in me
You'll keep searching and searching your whole life through
Whoa, I don't wish you no bad luck, baby
But there's no ifs and buts or maybes

You're gonna, You're gonna miss (miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh (you're gonna miss my lovin')
Late in the midnight hour, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When it gets real cold outside (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know, I know that you are gonna miss my lo-o-ove

Let me tell you that you're gonna miss my lovin'
Yes you will, baby (you're gonna miss my lovin')
When I'm long gone
I know, I know, I know that you are gonna miss

Maybe I'm just deluding myself.

I want to help you escape, as I think you wanted to as well, but now I don't know anymore.

I'm undecided. But whatever happens, I'll never forget you.

Damn all this drama.

I'm too much like you.

Sharing is caring.

The music was bad,
But i wish you were here anyway to hear it

I hate being pathetic like this.