What a bizzare day!!! I would have never imagined anything like this to happen to me in a million years. Ok woke up, and went shopping and bought a nice black tie (25 bucks!) and got my hair trimmed and dyed (it was so short already!). But i didn't mind coz I wanted to dress to impress as a ball only comes around once a year (or more if u had the money to pay for them!). I wanted to go as a pirate and went off to a misc shop to buy pirate-y pirate stuff. Eventually got an eye-patch with a fake moustache (never used the moustache) and a pirate gun thing which i could flick around and catch (i practiced so long to get it correct! heh). The theme of our ball was water, and my weird logical progression was that since the shirt i was wearing looked kinda like a pirate shirt, and that a pirate's home was the sea, and the sea was full of..... WATER! So therefore LJS (Long John Silver = Ling Jun Shien, get it?? haha) was born!!!

Watched Dodgeball by Ben Stiller, it was ok, not as great as his other movies (how'd i have time to fit this in with ball prep, don't ask me, it's all about the manipulation of time!)! But when I arrived at the preball at my ex's, I found out she was dressed as a pirate as well!! How UNCANNY is that?? She was going to another ball and the theme was "the pirates of the carribean" (so much better than WATER...) and I had no idea she was gonna be dressed as a pirate. And WHAT A PIRATE! ;) Yea, i had some longing pains, but i didn't let that get the best of LJS the pirate! Arghhhh me hearteys! Anyways, since i couldn't find a sash or bandana, I decided i'd look dumb with just the plastic gun and eyepatch, and as quick as LJS was born, he was buried! (Darn I wasted 80 cents on the eyepatch and 6 dollars for the gun!) And so I went as boring old me (Me? Boring? Neverrrrrrr~)

Alright we had a huge pain getting there in time before the doors were shut, and that's a story in itself, pretty uninteresting but a story nonetheless. We made it there at 7.05 (doors were supposed to be shut at 7!). I went in my dad's jag! Lucky I didn't hit anything as it's uninsured, and i hope my parents don't read this hehe! There's no dents dad! Except for a couple... just kidding!! Eeek, i'd have to change my name and leave to Turkey if i hurt his car! And the place where the ball was being held was where I had my first date with my ex. UNCANNY SQUARED!

Alright, then we had fun, as u do at balls, taking pictures of unsuspecting victims and complaining about the food (ahhh so much fun!) and I met many old faces and plenty of new ones too! Of importance to this story (which is true in that it happened, but false in that i don't wanna get my pants sued off!) was that I met this girl (we'll call her Esmeralda) I'd gone to a foam party with a long time ago! And well, when i was on the dance floor, she popped up and started dancing with our group. But eventually we got to the stairs and started talking whilst looking out into the sea (the ball is at the viaduct) and all the docked boats swaying from side to side like grass. And we really hit it off, talking about what we did and about our lives, and I started to feel some attraction to her sincerity and happiness. And it's weird, because we've only met each other twice.

The thing is........ I was at the ball with someone else (unofficially and who we'll call Celene) and I didn't want to ignore her either. Sigh, i never expected anything like this to happen to me, and I didn't want to hurt any/both of the girls. Thankfully Celene had friends to dance with, and Esmeralda's friends had left her alone at the ball. Well the thing is, I had to tell Esmeralda I wasn't ready for a relationship, even though I liked her, and I am really not rdy for a relationship at this stage in my life. Not if it means someone getting hurt. After my ex, who was my life in NZ, I've tried to rebuild my life and I'm still midway so I can't really be in a relationship right now even tho I want one sooo bad! And I felt i couldn't commit totally to her becoz I didn't know her well enough yet, so I thought the best thing to do was to not pursue a relationship yet. I did get to talk to Celene for a while as well, and it was good~

"Are you in a relationship because you love the person, or you love the feeling of being loved?"

That's an issue I grapple with, and I'm not really sure how to resolve it even. If you are in a relationship becoz of the latter, you are being selfish, not loving. And from Juni's blog, "'I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.'" This is particularly true for me, and I need to be sure when I am in a relationship, I'm in it for the right reasons, and it has to be the right person. I don't want to be irresponsible in an area like this.

Well, Esmeralda left and I hope we will be friends and get to know each other better, and I was able to have the last dance with Celene, one that she promised me a long time ago. And I guess all's well and ends well. Gosh I feel like kicking myself in the bum becoz I did like Esmeralda, but I think I did what is best for me, for her, and for God. But right now, I'm still single and floating around waiting for the right one. I have no idea how it'll work out, but it will, and I will try every effort not to hurt others.

Wow, I don't even want to start analysing this, but I will bring u guys pics when things settle down, i've got a PS2 lan party tomorrow, and a ski trip on monday to wednesday, and a 21-st on thursday. It's gonna be a hectic week! Alas sleep evades me once again!