Hey I thought i'd pop in by and just let everyone know what's going on in my mind these days. It's not great reading nor is it ever going to be made into a movie, but it's my life and hopefully some of you are interested!

Well it's the 29th of September, and in about a months time it will be exams!! Grar shock horror the bane of my life! Well I'm even more stressed than I normally am because this year I did the 'smartest' (sarcasm) thing of my life to take 4 law papers instead of the usual prescribed 2. My intentions were to catch up with the rest of my friends who made it before me so I could be in their classes in future, I don't know whether that was the best move or not, but I've chosen my path and I have to walk it to the end.

These exams basically encompass everything we've learnt throughout the whole year. And being in law, that can cover everything from psychopathic criminals to things that you're supposed to snort up your nose to prevent influenza (Carlill v Carbolic Smoke Ball Company [1893] 1 QB 256). And I'm feeling the pressure.

I've been less slack this year than I was last year, but at the same time I'm still behind. My natural intelligence has reached its limits and I find myself having to work to succeed, which is a lesson i should've learnt a long time ago. It's not like Economics which comes easily to me, or Accounting which consists of problems which you can solve once you know the formula. Law requires a broad base of knowledge and although some of it is common sense, you still need to spend the time to find references from past cases (called precedent) to back it up. Not to mention the hours you spend reading cases and understanding the concepts that have been written up by wise men who probably smell like cheese (sadly I might end up like one of them). So I think I really have to study, and study hard.

I have to fight this laziness inside of me, which seems to have overtly overtaken me and I've only come to realise how inactive I can be sometimes. Oh I'm always doing something, but it's always something that I enjoy, and not something that I need to do. If everyone was like me, then human race would be extinct in...... oh about 3 days because no one would work. I need to change that side of me and I have been trying to. Laziness seems like an attitude that people like to adopt because everyone else says it and so 'if everyone's doing it, it must be ok' but I need to change that kind of thinking in myself. Some people also say doing what you enjoy is no wrong and if you don't enjoy reading cases then you shouldn't be doing law, but I say that a balance needs to be struck. If that were so, people wouldn't go to see their kids recitals and watch tele at home, some things just need to be done, and for me right now, that's study.

So thus, I find myself destroying the social life that I built up throughout the year. And my wipe begins again, I go back to Malaysia, and when I come back next year I have to start my friendships almost from scratch again. But that's been my defining characteristic and how I've gotten to know so many cool people out there in the world. I adapt, and I'll survive. But it would be nice to come back knowing that someone will be waiting for you, oh well... one day..

But in all these complexities of the world (that's only scratched the surface), I think it's good that we acknowledge that life isn't always about smiles and having everything sorted out. I'm not the happy-go-lucky guy you think I am huh? :) Well, I am, because in all these things I know that God is in control and He knows everything and He can do anything, and guess what? He loves me! And to everyone who I've just exposed my weaknesses to, I hope you respect me more instead of criticising my weakness, because face it, we all aren't perfect, and I'm still a work in progress, and I know you guys are too and I love you all for it. I guess the most important thing is that we always remain an ACTIVE work in progress and accept each other for what we are. :)

Life isn't always easy
Complexities surround me
Sometimes it's not clear to see
Evidence of your majesty

But I am hanging on
To the one
Who gives me life
But I am hanging on
To the one
Who gives me life

Wow, that's one long and complicated blog. It's probably been the most truthful blog I've written in a long time, in a world where even our true selves aren't allowed to be all that true. I'm making a resolution to study hardout till exams, then maybe I can head out into the sunlight and smell the roses again :)
Blog ya later~

~I want to know you,
Yet I don't, because I'm afraid what I know won't be true,
I want you to know me,
Yet I don't, because I'm scared you won't like what you see,
But yet, if we would just accept ourselves and each other
We can build each other up
Then maybe we could really be who we were meant to be.