A fire that burns by itself warms no one.
And maybe if left alone too long, it might slowly die in the chill.
Still, I think that every flame has a specific purpose.
For if you put it next to some wool, that wool gets devoured by the flame
Or if you try to warm up a stone, your flame will burn itself out long before ,
You gotta wait for the right person to come by and choose to sit by you,
So, as for me, I keep shield that little flame from wind, rain and snow,
Whilst all my friends find the ones they share their flames with,
I hold onto it, through the pain and hurt,
Waiting for you.

This blog shall not die!!
Just laying dormant for a while.
Haven't had too much time to blog. But UMSA Ball was a blast! OCF Concert was an even bigger blast! Exams and assignemnts coming up soon? I don't likey them so much...

Pretty stressed in general, just handed in an opinion last week. Got a group presentation this week, and 2 more essays coming in the weeks ahead. Then it's exams. It's coming all on fast and furious :) Gotta work hard!

Hope everyone is going well, not letting life control them, but being in control of life and enjoying it to the max!

If you've not heard, the taliban have taken 23 koreans volunteers hostage and demanded that the Afghanistani government release prisoners or otherwise they will kill the hostages. They have already killed 2 of the hostages, Shim Sungmin and Reverand Bae Hyung-kyu. 

These Koreans have no ulterior agenda, they aren't political plots, they are mostly students just wanting to offer hope to the Afghan people. How have the Taliban, a pseudo-muslim political organisation, reciprocated? In DEATH. It breaks my heart.

I know this isn't the first time the Taliban have taken and killed hostages. However, somehow I am affected by the plight of these hostages, I don't know why, I just am. So this is my simple desperate plea for prayer for these hostages.  I won't call for action to be taken because I know how complex, it's not a matter that can be solved so easily.

My heart goes out to those who are still being kept hostage. To those that were martyred, they are with Jesus and will receive the highest honor, they gave up their lives trying to give back some of the life that Jesus gave to them. My prayer is that God will be their comfort and their strength and that God will let them know that we are praying and thinking of them.

Please, keep them in your hearts, minds, and soul.

I thought I would summaries the "Looking beyond what's in front of us" post. *Sweat* Sorry it was so long, I really don't know what I was on that night when I wrote it, lol!

Looking Beyond What's In Front of Us *Reviewed and Edited*
My familiy isn't one that your ordinary bystander would consider loving but I would disagree. We're not touchy feely, we aren't necessarily best friends, but we know that if we were in any trouble that we'd be there for one another.

So, I think it's kinda rare for me to take something my father told me and ponder on it. But thankfully I did, because it helped me in a way learn another lesson of life. My father always told me when I was just a kid "Son, when your eyes are tired, you must always look far away." Intrigued how this is a life lesson? Read on.

I study law, and as you know, law involves reading pages and pages of neverending cases. Honestly, some cases are 70 pages long. I also play computer games, A LOT (too much)! What do these two things have in common? They both give you bad vision. Therefore it's not uncommon for me to have really tired and strained eyes. As a result, although my eyesight is normally -0.75 on both sides, during semester it normally goes up to -1.50.

I was coming home from an exhausting day of uni after a 9-6pm day. Stressed by the burden of exam and from reading cases, my eyes were blurry and tired. I thought I'd follow my dad's advice and consciously look away at the distance (instead of just looking 'into' the distance).

Normally we're taught to look at things just in front of us; the letters on a page; the car in front of us; the computer screen, etc etc. Or even on the bus, we look outside just to avoid looking at people on the bus (you know what i mean!), but even then, we tend to blur our vision and let the scenery just pass us by. Not today.

I suddenly noticed how beautiful Mt Eden was, I noticed all the little details that I hadn't noticed before, the awkward pedestial on top of the hill, I could see tourists on the mountain, details that passed me by everyday whilst I passed them by. What was amazing was how clear this all was considering I could barely see 2 metres in front of me because I was exhausted.

I took a look out at the city too, noticed how unique Auckland really is. It is a metropolis built on mountainous land. I looked out to the tall buildings and saw the people working in them. And then suddenly, things just became clearer. Not mentally, but I mean that I could see clearer. My eyes somehow managed to focus on those distant objects and I could see them clearly. I was amazed, my eyes felt less tired, and when I drew my vision back to things in the bus, I noticed that I saw things at close range clearer as well. My whole body and mind were strangely refreshed.

After that, a lot of things clicked in my mind:
i) So many of us are tied down by things that are figuratively 'burdening us', we look up at this burden but we often forget to look beyond what's in front of us. We tend to look to things like when the next assignment is due, or when the exams are, or when the next presentation is, what is for dinner, etc. However, we forget to look at things ahead, the things that really matter. Things like what we want our life to mean, or what we want our lives to be like in 5 years time. Because when you look forward, you understand that all these hindrances that are "NOW", are really just molehills in the whole course of our life.
Instead, every once in a while, we need to remind ourselves of the real mountains in our lives. How do we do this? We look beyond what's in front of us.

ii) We get so tired from these "NOW" things that constantly drain us. Sometimes, we need to look beyond to see where we want to head. Eg. When searching maps, If I were to look for only the next street I need to get to, instead of figuring out all the streets that will get me to my intended destination, I would be constantly getting lost and constantly re-searching the map for my next street. Aren't our lives like that? If you are constantly losing value in the things you do, is it because you're only looking at what's in front and not beyond? Try to look out for your destination instead of just where you want to turn next. I'll share another story with you. In days where farmers used to manually plough the ground before planting. The son of a farmer m who was amazed by his dad's ability to plough in straight lines, asked his dad, "Dad, how do you do it so perfectly". The farmer said "Son, when you grab your hoe, you must not look in front of you, instead you have to set your eyes on a spot on the horizon and just keep moving towards that point in the horizon. That's how I do it."

iii) Knowing where we're going sometimes makes it easier to head in that direction. Looking ahead puts things in perspective. In other words, sometimes we forget why we do the things we do. Often times, we don't feel fulfilled in our lives because it seems meaningless. If we look beyond, and find out what our goals are, such as being successful by the time you're 40, then we find meaning in the things that we do everyday in working towards that goal. For me, this was to be successful in my career, and knowing that I wanted to be successful helped justify all this studying I'm doing (I'm not doing it for fun you know?!).

I guess a summary of all these lessons, although it is a point in itself is that, sometimes we find that we see things in front of us clearer after we spend some time looking beyond them.

Thanks dad, I know you didn't mean to impose such a deep philosophical teaching into my life (or did you?), but thanks. My eyes thank you.

Sex sex sex (Not so much drugs and rock and roll)

If you know me, you know I like to be able and try to relate to people, and sometimes to do that you need to do what they do, see what they see, and so on.

When I was younger, I equated relationships with physicality. If you were in a relationship, you were participating in physicality in some way. I had been exposed to sex as a very young child so I never had that blanket of innocence on me as others did. I was never a wild swinger, but I wasn't a saint either. I thought hey, if the only person that I get physical in my life with is my wife, then that means there's nothing wrong getting physical with them. I always loved my girlfriends as much as a wife, and so physicality was a way of being intimate and sharing. I played it risky, I said to myself that sex wasn't sex as long as it didn't involve intercourse. I was curious, I wanted to learn, I didn't want to be laughed at for not being a good lover. I had been reading metro and countless other girls mags, with special regard to the parts that taught you how to be a good partner in bed.

A humbling experience for me was when I ask one of my best friends, who was in his first relationship, about his relationship and how physical they had gotten. He was about 16 at the time. I was dumbfounded when he told me that they had only held hands and it was only once that they had done so. I never knew that couples existed that did not get physical. I couldn't believe it. (However, THAT friend is now into the whole clubbing and picking up random girls scene, however, irrelevant!).

My idea of sex had been cheapened by the world around me. To me holding hands barely meant anything, kissing was normal and should be done within 3 months of a relationship, etc etc. This is what the media teaches us these days. It teaches us that sexual encounters are as normal as eating making a cup of milo. I did not believe that a single relationship existed that did not involve some kind of dodgy physicality.

Actually.. I'm really tired. Lol sorry. I'll finish this post some other time.
However, I do wish to say this. Do I wish I could have sex? Of course! Which normal human wouldn't want to? Do I feel embarassed saying I'm a virgin? Yes (although, only by the hairs of my chinny chin chin). Am I going to be useless on my wedding night? Probably yes although I'd like to thing I'd be a natural and all those girl mags would've helped me. However, do I think that because I'm saving sex for marriage that it's going to be so much more worth it? I'm going to say it, O M G YES!

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.
Just Read It!

The Circle of Life (told by a aspiring, inspiring, perspiring Jogger)
Today I learnt what the natural cycle of life is all about when I was jogging up to my local hill (my place is called three kings and I think it's called that because we have 3 hills around us).

However, to cut a long story short, it goes like this:
i) You begin with eagerness with huge ambitions on what you want to do.
ii) You start off well, and make steady progress towards the park and head to the summit.
iii) You begin to struggle halfway up a steep slope.
iv) You tell yourself you can do it, and manage to make another 20 steps before you give up and start walking instead.
v) You reach the summit. Congratulations, you've managed to disturb the privacy of the person who was at the summit earlier. Soon after your arrival, the person starts heading down the hill. It's kinda uncomfortable being the only two people at the summit and not speaking. Somehow the scenery is always enjoyed better off alone or with people you know (unfortunately no one you would want to share the view made it up with you).
vi) You enjoy your victory, having submitted the mountain to your will. You stare out at the scenery (it was about 5.45pm, dusk, it was beautiful).
vii) You spend about 5 minutes at the top, doing whatever you want to do, you're at the top and there's no one else to disturb you! That is, until someone else reaches the summit (with a nice terrier dog btw).
viii) You realise the right thing to do, you humbly get off the summit and start heading down the hill.
xi) You're exhausted, you don't know how much more you can take and start heading home.
vii) You're home (in other words, you're dead).

Wow, Disney should have made a movie about jogging instead of some cub named Simba.

Just before we get to the gist of things today, I've just noticed that I've had comments for most of my posts, thanks guys, it really does encourage me to post a bit more (I guess that's the attention-seeking Narcissist within me speaking). But really, thanks to those who posted, I always love to hear your perspectives on what goes on in my mind. Please do keep commenting and thanks for all the encouragement! :)

Looking Beyond What's In Front of Us
My dad and I, well, my family and I, are a bit unusual. That's not unusual in itself, I mean every family is unusual in its own ways, and maybe because we're unusual that would make my family pretty usual. Well if you managed to read and understand that, you may feel free to continue on reading this post (Doh! totally not related to what I wanted to say). Anyways my familiy isn't one that seems close to outsiders but I think that the unspoken rule in my family is that if any one of us gets into trouble, for instance if any of us got into a fight, let's just say... the rest of the family would be onto the enemy like donkey kong. I've learned that we don't have perfect families, yet thankfully my family is still together after all of these years and I'm sure somewhere there is implication of the L word (the one that makes the world go around).

So, I think it's kinda rare for me to take something my father told me and ponder on it. But thankfully I did, because it helped me in a way learn another lesson of life. What my father told me is "Son, when your eyes are tired, you must always look far away." Intrigued how this is a life lesson? Read on.

I study law, and as you know, law involves reading pages and pages of neverending cases. Honestly, some cases are like 70 pages long (and these aren't the NIGHTMARES even), and they don't even come with pictures! I also play computer games, A LOT (too much)! What do these two things have in common? They both give you bad vision. Therefore it's not uncommon for me to have really tired and strained eyes. As a result, although my eyesight is normally -0.75 on both sides, during semester it normally goes up to -1.50. This means I can't really read a number plate of a car about 15 metres ahead of me.

I was coming home from an exhausting day of uni, I think it was a 9-6pm day (yeah I know; not all that different from a normal working day). Exam pressures had already begun to affect me and I had been reading cases, my eyes were blurry and tired. While sitting on the bus on the way home, I made a conscious decision to just look out the window and look at things that were far away. Do you know what I mean? Normally we're taught to look at things just in front of us; the letters on a page; the car in front of us; the computer screen, etc etc. Or even on the bus, we look outside just to avoid looking at people on the bus (an article on bus rides will have to wait another day though!), but even then, we tend to blur our vision and let the scenery pass us by. Not today. I suddenly noticed the beautiful Mt Eden, I noticed all the little details that I hadn't noticed before, the Aerial, how I could see tourists on the mountain, details that passed me by everyday whilst I passed by them. I took a look out at the city too, noticed how unique Auckland is because it was a city built on hilly land. I looked out to the tall buildings and saw the people working in them. And then suddenly, things just became clearer. Not mentally, but I mean that I could see clearer. My eyes somehow managed to focus on those distant objects and I could see them clearly. I was amazed, my eyes felt less tired, and when I drew my vision back to things going on in the bus, I noticed that I saw things at close range clearer as well. My whole body and mind also felt strangely refreshed.

After that, a lot of things clicked in my mind:
i) So many of us are tied down by things that are directly in front of us, but we forget to look beyond what's in front of us. We tend to look to things like when the next assignment is due, or when the exams are, or when the next presentation is, what is for dinner, etc. However, we forget to look at things that are at a distance, the things that really matter. Things like what we want our life to mean, or what we want our lives to be like in 5 years time. Because when you look forward, you understand that all these hindrances that are "NOW", are really just molehills in the whole course of our life. Instead, every once in a while, we need to remind ourselves of the real mountains in our lives. How do we do this? We look beyond what's in front of us.

ii) We get so tired from these "NOW" things that constantly drain us. Sometimes, we need to look beyond to see where we want to head. Eg. When searching maps, If I were to look for only the next street I need to get to, instead of figuring out all the streets that will get me to my intended destination, I would be constantly getting lost and constantly researching the map for my next street. Aren't our lives like that? If you are constantly losing value in the things you do, is it because you're only looking at what's in front and not beyond? Try to look out for your destination instead of just where you want to turn next. I'll share another story with you. In days where farmers used to manually plough the ground before planting. The son of a farmer m who was amazed by his dad's ability to plough in straight lines, asked his dad, "Dad, how do you do it so perfectly". The farmer said "Son, when you grab your hoe, you must not look in front of you, instead you have to set your eyes on a spot on the horizon and just keep moving towards that point in the horizon. That's how I do it."

iii) Knowing where we're going sometimes makes it easier to head in that direction. In other words, sometimes we forget why we do the things we do. Often times, we don't feel fulfilled in our lives because it seems meaningless. If we look beyond, and find out what our goals are, such as being successful by the time you're 40, then we find meaning in the things that we do everyday in working towards that goal. For me, this was to be successful in my career, and knowing that I wanted to be successful helped justify all this studying I'm doing (I'm not doing it for fun!).

I guess a summary of all these lessons, although it is a point in itself is that, sometimes we find that we see things in front of us clearer after we spend some time looking beyond them.

Thanks dad, I know you didn't mean to impose such a deep philosophical teaching into my life (or did you?), but thanks. My eyes thank you.

I'm beginnign to realise that we can't have everything. Everything that is worth something demands sacrifice. If you want a good career, you might have to sacrifice your hobbies. If you want to have a good family, you might have to sacrifice your friends. If you want to be good at guitar, you might have to sacrifice your free time. If you want to be smart, you may have to sacrifice your physical health. We simply can't have everything, there are too many limited resources, there is too little time, choices have to be made.

Which leads me to another debate that has been on my mind. Is it better to be mediocre at everything or to excel in just a few things? I know that the choices i proposed above are not ultimatums and we can have all of them on a varying degree. But I do want to succeed at something, and I am confident that I can succeed at anything I put my mind to. But if I don't put my mind to anything, I succeed at absolute nothing even though I might be reasonably good at everything else.

Everyone, including parts of me, would say that having a well-rounded life is probably the better course. But if you consider people who succeed, people who really succeed, I would think that they aren't very well-balanced people at all, either they're slogging off at the office 60-80 hours a week. I'm definately going to try to keep my life balanced, it's just that I might have to re-adjust the balances in my life right now.

It's amazing that it's taken me 22 years to realise that. I guess that goes to show how well my parents have taken care of me. However at the same time, it's the end of innocence, thinking that "everything can be done". I guess this is what it means to think like an adult. Oh darn, now I'm an adult ;) Wonder if my wisdom teeth are coming soon... on the lighter side of things, I know that my past experiences will serve me well whichever path I choose to take.

This piece is something I wrote 2 years ago in 2007. Sometimes I keep posts as drafts because I don't like to post them up straightaway. Hope you like it.

Old age and death, it comes upon all of us, it's so far proved too formidable an enemy for modern science. Imagine this, you are 75 years old and you have just been diagnosed with a debilitating disease and you get weaker and weaker each day. You will die soon. The doctors have told you that you will no longer be able to walk anyday now. You're still in shock over the news. One night you attend a wedding of a grandchild and you ask your wife, your faithful companion for the past 50 years, for one final dance.

The band starts playing that same waltz,
The one that we've heard a million times before
The one helped me sweep you off your feet
More times than once; but henceforth no longer
Because it is my final promenade with you

Tomorrow the demons that come are cruel
They come to collect from age what's due
To replace my final steps with frail immobility
Tomorrow I dance no longer with you

I chide myself, and move along,
Out of step and beat, my hearing gone,
Pride no longer holds me still, nor people's stares
For it's not a dance with them that I'll forbear
If tonight I don't dance with you

And though it seems more like a hobble than a shuffle
You always danced better than I did
But for now, let me savour these moments
Not the song, or the band,
But I dance to the beat of your heart,
The rhythm of your laugh,
And so, beat by beat,
Cheek to cheek,
This much I'll do
My final dance with you

Alright if you're a macho macho guy and are afraid of emo posts, steer clear from this entry!

It's been a while since I've done this, and sure it's gonna be sappy, but that's who I am, deep inside, deep deep inside, somewhere in there.. :P

I think that it's important that everyone revisits their thoughts on what love is every once in a while. You realise how your views on what it is changes based on what you've been through and probably your views on what love was when you were a child are totally different from what they are today are totally different.

If anything, it will help you consider how important it is in your life, or whether it should be? Or whether you've arrived at a place where you never thought you'd be, and maybe you should start trying to relive your dreams. Maybe you could write it down and give it your special someone and thank them for being the 'love' of your life.

Anyways, for me, love is:

1) something I have lost many times and been hurt by even more times, it's also something I haven't found yet, but know that one day all my efforts to find the right one will be worth it. I'm not looking for Ms Right Now, wrong recipient, it's Ms Right I'm looking for.
2) being just totally amazed by that person.
3) growing old together with the one that God match made me for.
4) thinking that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, even if she isn't; but to me, she is.
5) me trying my best for her everyday, and her doing the same for me.
6) commitment to stick it out till the end, trust and faith in one another, and always with hope for a better future, together.
7) specific performance of all the terms of the partership, intervivos, made while intoxicated by mutual feelings of affection (lawyer's joke). It's also something that law could never define (thank goodness for that).
8) giving, exploring, sharing sex with just that one person because she's special
9) always having someone to talk with but being just as content in our moments of silence
10) not convenience, not selfish need, not insecurity, not out of ambition, but just because she's the way she is
11) someone who knows my darkest secrets and how childish i can be but will put up with me just because she loves me
12) exploring the world and this adventure we call life in all its entirety with someone just as passionate about it as I am
13) having a happy family, me, you, and oh those incredibly-frustrating-"give me high blood pressure"-insane-"drive me crazy"-"i'm sorry we didn't use contraception"-but-"impossible not to love them" children of ours. Oh, and maybe a dog.
14) coming back home from work everyday, and knowing that I'm appreciated for me, not how much I bring home. and coming back home to the one i love.

Someone who knows the sad reality of this world, but still chooses to face it the best way she knows how; with grace, with strength, humour, intelligence, kindness, charm, and with happiness.

If you ever read this, or if I ever share this with you, thanks for making the future me so happy. I'm so glad the future me has found you, you have no idea how long he's waited for you, you are the result of answered prayer in his life his whole life, what took you so long? :)

Well, this is a post about DoTA. Hehe not suprising since I play DoTA so much. But yeah a lot of people love it (boys), a lot of people hate it (their girlfriends, if they have girlfriends). I personally think it's a great easy fun game to play with your mates and respect to those who have honed their skills to such a level that they make me seem like a wet-behind-the-ears newbie.

BUT this has to be said about the game. Just as in soccer, or rugby, and other sports, it brings out the worst in people. Some people become 'kiasu', some start swearing every other sentence, some people start dissing others just to be cool, some people become easily frustrated. It's not very constructive is it?

I've seen some of my good CHRISTIAN friends turn into people that I would not be too proud of. Well, that might be too harsh, it's just that I think DoTA has made them into worse people than they originally were. Some people think it's just a game you play, but when you play it almost every night, for 3 years, it's impossible to say that it hasn't affected you in some way. But I think the worst thing is the online gaming environment, Battlenet is full of really really lousy people. You want to know what geeks of the lowest low are like, all you have to do is log onto Bnet. So it's understandable that when a person goes into this environment every night, for years, that they can change. It's almost like real life isn't it?

Of course, I'll confess that I probably have also changed by DoTA. I don't know how it has changed me, although I'd love to know how you guys think it has changed me if it has. My aspiration is to change the environment, not be changed by it, and to be a good Christian witness wherever I go.

I love DoTA, it's the new chess. It's a great way for friendships to form. I've made a lot of friends. It's uber fun! I'd recommend it! But please:
i) be aware that although you are amongst real idiots, you don't have to be one. Remember what your center is. If anything, don't be changed, instead change it!
ii) remember, Christians are the salt of the Earth, don't lose your saltiness. :)

Location: Somewhere over the Timor Sea.

Time: Depends which timezone you use.

Speed: 813km/h.

Height: 40000 feet.

Progress: 7 hours into my 10 hours flight.

As the plane flies over the Timor Sea, the sea that separates Australia from Indonesia, there isn’t much to do but think and reminisce. It’s no different from the usual really. However it does provide me ample time to jot these thoughts on my laptop.

The same planes normally fly the same routes. It’s not the first time I’ve been on MH130 (and MH131 which covers the same route), and I’m sure it won’t be the last. However these Malaysian 747’s have been refitted within the last year. Planes now offer Movies, TV and Video on demand! So that means instead of catching the usual 2.5 movies (since we have to wait for scheduled screening times, and normally I never get to finish the last movie). WHOOPEE~! There’s a choice of about 40 movies to choose from instead of the usual 5, and the library contains old movies too, ahh the joys of technology and digital streaming.

I’ve already watched a Japanese movie (called Simsons, it’s about the sport of ice curling), a romantic comedy that didn’t have a happy ending (The Break Up, Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Anniston), and a broadway musical (Westside Story).

Westside story tells of a rivalry between two gangs, the Jets, an all American bunch of hoodlums) and the Sharks (a group of Puerto Rican immigrants trying to make a living in America). I’ve always wanted to watch it since our school did Westside Story for our production in 7^th form. I was privileged enough to be given the role of Tony (although there were two sets of casts), the lead male and Anashuya Richards co-starred with me as Maria. It’s basically Romeo and Juliet in a contemporary context and in a musical format.

I’ve been involved with performances in church since I was 5, but Westside Story was an amazing experience that I’ll never forget, we had about 100 people involved with the production, not to mention I had the Auckland Youth Symphony Orchestra backing for me! It was so much hard work, but we had so much fun in rehearsals and I made a lot of friends. Watching the movie just rekindled lots of memories for me, and reminded me how much I love acting/dancing/singing. God has blessed me with a talent to perform and I do like being on stage, I do it all for His glory. I still remember lots of those lines, and most of the lyrics to the songs. I do have one bad memory from performing in West Side Story though, I bought a ticket for my dad to come watch the results but he never showed on the night.

I stopped participating in performing arts when I entered uni, I’m not exactly sure why. I think one of the reasons was that I had a bad experience auditioning for the Auckland Theatre Company a few years ago. A friend I’d known through productions asked me to come audition with him. I thought I had aced the audition and my friend had made a few mistakes. However, it was to my dismay a couple weeks after that I got some mail saying that they would not accept me, however my friend was accepted. I never knew the reason for that choice, however it might’ve been because I don’t have the height, the looks that my friend has, or just the fact that I wasn’t white. Perhaps I’ll never know.

However, it’s something that I enjoy, and something that I think could reach people for Jesus. It’s something I might want to pursue when I get back to NZ next year.

Anyways, we’re almost going to start descent now, gotta go.

Dance like no one’s watching,

Sing like no one’s listening,

Life like there’s no tomorrow.

Love as though your heart has never been broken.

!!!SUPPLIESSSSSSS!!! (or was that Surprise!!! Ask me about this, it's a pretty funny joke)

It would be stupid of me not to thank all my friends who planned a 'surprise' party for me (which i blatantly foiled, bwahahaha). I feel guilty for having them put the effort into having a party for me and not enjoy the 'fruits' of their labor, but at the same time, you know me, I'm a horrible actor. I guess that is a challenge for all my friends to try to really surprise me next time..... if there is a next time... if they ever have the desire to try again... and if i have anymore friends left after spoiling their surprise. :P

I thought I'd lay down my experiences so that if you wish to be a party pooper like moi (and it's not the first time I've foiled one too, so consider me experienced!), here is everything you know:

1) There must be an event, ie your birthday, your anniversary, your leaving, your happy hanukah day, your promotion.
Basically it must be for you! Don't go and foil surprise parties that aren't for you unless you have a death wish! General events like Christmas or Easter do not count so don't expect any surprise parties for you on days like these (Unless of course your birthday is on Xmas).
Application: Well, the guys did pretty well here, they planned to have the party on the day before my birthday! However, still having it so close to my actual birthday roused suspicions.

2) Your friends are acting strangely.
If your friends can't stop giggling or don't wish you happy birthday (half the guys who were at my birthday party) or congratulations, it's not because you smell. It's probably because they've got some dark secret they're trying to hide and don't want you to know.
Application:
i) Well, tons of my friends didn't wish me a happy birthday :( so instead of being sad or angry I got paranoid! Either they were useless friends, or they were forgetful friends (more likely), or they didn't know it was my birthday and that I existed (most likely). I won't name names, you guys know who you were!
ii) My mum had told me we were going out for dinner. Daniel told me we were going to play DoTA after. I asked my mum if I could go out after dinner. She became stone-faced and went "uh............... maybe after 11 or 12" *BIG HINT HERE*
iii) So, we went out for dinner, and Dan Yang called me around 9. And after saying that DoTA was cancelled... ASKED TO TALK TO MY MOTHER. *BIG BIG HINT HERE* When I asked him why, he said "uh..... I want to buy some sunglasses from her." I gave it to my mum, thinking nothing of it, then my mind went BOOM why didn't he ask for my dad instead?! Indeed, my suspicions were roused!
iv) After the suspicious phone conversation with my mother, we were maybe 3/4ths through dinner. My mum suddenly said "Charles, are you full? Feel free to go ahead and go home." *ALARM BELLS TOLLING* She said this while my mouth was still full of tofu and rice!

3) Friends don't conceal their intentions! If your friends are carrying "SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY" signposts when you're around.. pls pls pls pls be aware that there may be a surprise party in your near future.
Application:
i) Driving home after being chased unceremoniously before having my dessert, as I was driving on the street before my home, what do I see? I see this beautiful red and white new Mini Cooper which I had been riding around in just a day before, parked on the side of the road outside my house (Thanks Edward). Next to that, I also saw Amos' car, Eugene's car, and a few others. Hehe, that was when I was sure.
ii) These guys forgot to pack up their shoes in my foyer! Enough said. Lol!

Having said all I have said, I AM STILL BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH GREAT AND WONDERFUL FRIENDS. I appreciate all that you guys did for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Sorry I was a little out of it, I was still pretty tired from Reflect 07! I really wish that you guys had gotten that SWEET guitar for me, but with friends like these, who needs really really really really expensive and awesome guitars? :D You connect the dots.

Thanks to: Dan Yang, Eugene, Wei Lun, Edward, Jimbo, Hsu Lynn, Sarah, Ivan, Gilainne, Ben, Shaun, Abby, Yen, Kimarie, Hensen, Amos, Irvin, Rayvin, TX (did I miss anyone else out?) and all those that wished me happy birthday and even those who didn't.

I'm trying to do 2 3000 word essays which are due next friday. So most of you won't be seeing me till then! But right now I'm participating in something they call a community placement programme and basically, I'm riding around the night shift from 11pm-7am with the police, vanquishing crime and preserving justice and all that jazz! I've already gone through one night, but have two more to go! Will try to keep everyone up to date!

22 years ago. I was born. Happy birthday to me.

Someone told me that you know you're mature when you don't celebrate your birthday with big bashes anymore. I wonder if that's true? Maybe you just forget to celebrate the fact that life is an awesome gift from God and is worth living.

Age and goodness don't necessarily correlate. I'm growing older, but still trying to be a better man. Thanks God for giving me another year of life, be with me through the next too.

:)

Excerpt from "Emma"
I wondered if you would find this letter
To leave you in such a manner is my one regret
And yet.. my heart at this moment is somehow strangely filled with calmness and peacefulness
Even knowing it was a love that could not come true for us...
To be able to reach out to you like this..
I was truly happy
The precious memory of you will always be with me
Though we will live apart
I wish you happiness for all time.

I hate sad endings. :(

Emma is the tragic tale of a romance that blossomed but was always doomed to failure.
It main theme is about the difference between different classes - the gentry and the lower class - that was prevalent in the Victorian Era and which still exists even in some socieities today and the exposes the unjust consequences of such a aristocracical system.
Sometimes we have to make the hardest decisions now for the best future.
How will we ever know whether that hardest decision was the right one?
Can love conquer all? Can it truly bridge the gap between two worlds?
Don't be stupid and decide to be a hero and take the fall for me, we're in this together, love is all there is. True love is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
As long as there is hope, the human spirit lives on.

Genuine Wealth

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered:

"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Don't worry, I've not gone weird or gotten married nor am I pregnant. The past few posts are just things that I wrote after my last relationship (which was a longggggggggg time ago). I always thought I'd use them for a song or two, but seems like they'll stay just words for now. Which is fine by me.

Heh. Some of those seem funny now that I read them again.

The hopeless romantic never dies.

Well that's that,
You've said what you needed to say,
And now we stand as separate,
No longer taking a secret joy in that connection that is now 1severed.
And I can only regret the things
I did to make you do what you did.

I should've given you more attention,
I should've been more sympathetic,
I should've been there for you.
But now these things I want to be have changed from 'should've' to 'never will',
Because I'll never get the chance again
Because time cannot turn back the hands of time and I'm left here,
Feeling so sorry for the way I'd treated you,
You didn't deserve it,
It was all me, my life my lies and my ego,

What use is pride when you end up alone with an empty house for a heart.
The warmth I dreamt of was always only a teasing whisper in the breeze.
And my heart continues to reach out for it, grasping the nothingness of an empty illusion.

We often see our mistakes only after we've done them,

We only miss people after they've moved on,

We'll only ever know what we had, once it's gone.

It's a sunny sunday outside
but inside my heart
just the little things in life
tear me apart
and i'm feeling pressed down
a little bent
like i'm getting worn away
i can't be strong forever
in fact i'm weak as hell today

woh-oh-oh i, i know i'm living a blue monday
the wrong day of the week for my life
just another blue monday
i wish dawn was here but it's never gonna reach
the reds and yellows all turn to grey

i'm feeling lazy
even a little crazy
wondering meanings of nothings
everything's hazy
too many things daze me

looking for this light at the end that's supposed to be in view
but finding nothing more than a wall that calls itself a seal
waiting for the day this crooked will not bend
waiting for the moment this all will end

and even if these wings weren't meant to fly
i'll still gonna spread them wide, i was born to try
for nothing worth something ever came for free
and maybe one day this could just be too easy

Restless dreams
by the candlelight
illuminate all of my fears inside
the northern wind
sends chills down my spine (it gives me chils)
as i try to keep this
dying flame alive
this dying flame alive

So darling can't you see
Nothing ever comes for free
sometimes you give less than you take
You know your fragile heart I'll never break

I've given up my dreams just to hold you
Gone and lost my way just to find you
Did nothing ever reach your heart
I did it all for you
Gave it all I had
Don't regret it now
You did this to yourself

is it asking too much
is it asking at all
Oh was I a fool to hope your forever meant forever

Wake up now and smell the roses
And throw the memories of yesterday away
Today's a brand new day and it's time to find a new horizon
It's time for you to put on those new shiny shoes
And let everyone know that you're not here to lose
You gotta give it all your best now
You're gonna make yourself damn proud

Though everyone's waiting for you to fall
I'll be there when you call

Wake up early in the morning
Sunlight's yet to greet the sky
Still the same old story same old life
Bills to pay and things to buy
Chances wasted
Another day's gone
You try your best
but you never belong

And everything's not as it seems
The waves are crashing down on you
The world is spinning round and round
And you're swimming hard trying not to drown
The walls are closing in You can't escape
It's way too late
Take my hand, I'll hold it tight
I'll save you tonight

2006 was sooooooooooooo last year!

I'm back~ Blogger was giving me some problems but it's all good now, hope u're ready for a new year of lame jokes, contradictory contradictions, oh, and don't forget the seasonal "i feel so lonely.. why does nobody love me" posts.

Happy Chinese New Year, hope all you pigs have a great year ahead (may sound rude but it's not).

Blog ya later, expect so much more :)