I've been blogging on my community blog mostly. It's URL is http://citya1.blogspot.com feel free to check it out if you want but I'll warn you it's full of Manglish and may be detrimental to the educated English speaker! :)

Anyways, I was just reading http://www.kennysia.com as I do sometimes for entertainment. And on it was this post about http://www.myheritage.com. (Wow, there's a whole lot of plugging going on in this blog!) Myheritage.com has this cool feature which checks the characteristics of your face and matches it up against those of celebrities and presents you with the best results! Check his webpage for some hilarious results.

But yeah, being who I am, I couldn't wait to try it out myself. Who would I look like? Orlando Bloom? George Clooney? Maybe even Brad Pitt or good ol Tom Cruise himself. I was sorely disappointed!






Hahah I obviously have a very asian face. Except for the last one! MAN! gotta get rid of my tan :P I'm now very jaded about this service. haha!

~Keep Smiling!

Note to self: I need to realise, more likely, i need to accept that nobody in this world is perfect, not even me. I need to change myself to be more accepting of others, including myself. Not in the little things, but in the huge parts of my life. Being a perfectionist sucks~ :)
However, I do worry that if I let myself slip, the world will not be accepting of me. Ahh.. the conundrums of life certainly do tease and antagonise the mind.

Haha what fun times we had then :)

Really sad song, I cried a little while watching, haha am I too feminine? Doubt it :P Plus, it's cool to be feminine these days.

Uhm the singer is Michael Wong Guang Liang, and he's a very famous singer in Taiwan, and he's born and raised in Ipoh! Which is only one hour away from Sitiawan. Hahah it's not impossible to reach the stars even though you were once in the gutter. Gives me hope :)

The song is called Tong Hua or Fairytale from the album of the same name.
Enjoy (or cry rather!) :)

Well blog I haven't really been in touch with you for a couple months now. I dunno why? I guess there's nothing to write about when everything is smooth sailing. Or that I just wanted to enjoy the moment without having to write it all down.

But i will try to sum up what i've felt, what i've seen, what i've learnt, and who i've lost in a blog soon enough. I just thank God for everything and everyone back in Malaysia. I pray to God that He will continue to teach me to walk in His ways, and to teach me the error of mine. I've still got a lot of growing up to do, must never get complacent.

Keep me close to you Lord Jesus, because sometimes I feel so far away.

 
 

December 7 1AM

My grandmother is one of the people I admire most. She was born in China, went to a missionary-run school as a teenager, and caught a boat to someplace called Sitiawan with a friend and her friend’s uncle for God knows what reason. She was never married, she adopted my mother from my blood grandmother because my mother was the 8th child. My blood grandmother could not afford another baby and couldn’t do anything but give her away, but she could do even less to prevent a pregnancy because of a lack of contraception in those days. Those were the days where you would work 40-60 hour weeks and count yourself lucky if you had meat on your plate twice a week.

My grandmother was also a pastor of a church that survives even until today, and in those days, where gender equality was unheard of, a female pastor was probably even more so a peculiar sight. She is still referred to as Nguriengan which is a sign of respect by many people. She also provided many people refuge with her as they hid in makeshift huts in the jungle during the Japanese invasion and occupation. I still remember as a small child, she would always come and tuck me into bed, she would read me a Bible story and pray for me before I go to bed. She would take care of me when my mother got sick and tired of my naughtiness.

I would love to write a book on her to journal her life, but living in a small town there are no records, and since my grandmother is 94 not many of her peers are around any longer to give testimony on her life. But what is most tragic, is that my grandmother suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Although we have not had her diagnosed medically, the symptoms are clear. It can be somewhat heartbreaking at times.

She forgets my name, she calls me Anthony which is my brothers name. And after telling her my name, she feigns a remembrance but within 10 minutes my name is forgotten again. She knows that I’m studying, and since the one week I’ve been back, she has asked me how much longer I have to study and if I’m going away again to study at least 30-40 times, she’ll repeat the same set of questions every 10 minutes. She’ll also keep trying to offer me food which I reject, and brings it to me too. I hate to see her strain her frail and gradually weakening body to get me food, so I try to discourage her from getting me food and saying that I’ve already eaten, but in the next 10 minutes she forgets and does it again. She can’t even read anymore, a favourite past time of hers, because she no longer remembers what happens after she puts her book down, this makes her not able to enjoy television either. She can string basic sentences together, but if attempting anything more, she tends to stutter something incomprehensible. Most days all she can do is sit and wait for time to pass, time for Jesus to come and take her home again,

I try not to think about this because I get sad when I dwell on it, I can only begin to wonder what goes on in her mind. I know I love my grandmother, but sometimes it can be so hard to be patient with her and not get frustrated and all the time I wish I could help her get better or not be bored. I question why she has lived such a great life and been reduced to such an anticlimactic fate, I wish her mind was sharp and we could have conversations, I wish she was strong and could still participate in normal activities of life. I wish that she could remember my name. But we all grow old, don’t we? And I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I know Jesus has a great reward stored up for her in heaven when she will never forget anything. And most of all, I know that I will keep loving my grandmother until the day she dies and beyond.

Because once, I didn’t know her name, but she knew mine,
And whenever I was hungry, without asking her, she would feed me,
Whenever I had a question, she would answer it,
Whenever I was in need of help, she would give me a hand,
And whenever I needed prayer, she was there already kneeling and crying out to God.

I owe her much more than just filial duty, I owe her so much of her love that she poured out into me… and when she needs my help, I will not get frustrated and try my best to repay her while I can. I love my grandmother.

“Yet He loved us, while we were still yet sinners”
I love more, because I was first loved most.

I’m sitting in my dad’s car right now, they came to pick me up and it’s a straight 3 hour drive till I’m back in Sitiawan. The flight itself wasn’t too bad, only mild turbulence here and there but like I said, nothing too bad. The movies were great, I got to see 3 movies, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bewitched, and Bob the Butler, all 3 were pretty good but I’m not much of a critic.

Got a buzzy bee for Caleb, because every kiwi kid needs to have a buzzy bee, it was expensive but I thought that it was the least that an uncle could do, that is spoil his niece/nephew. Got some nice jewellery for Kaitlyn, I hope she likes it, I feel bad missing her birthday but I’m hoping that’s not how kids think and they are more forgiving than adults. In about 2.5 hours I will find out.

Met Ben and Lakshmi in the airport before we took off. Met and had a quick chat with Ben on the plane before the flight attendant told us to bugger off because we were near the emergency hatch and he was worried we were terrorists and going to release while flying at 40000 feet above sea level. Bet I could’ve found more people I knew on the plane if I tried but I wasn’t feeling too sociable, much happier reading my gaming magazine and watching movies. Fell in and out of sleep, but was mostly awake for the flight. Have to thank Abigail Ann Rutland for taking me to the airport and being so awesome, if you ever read this, thanks!

Abby asked me today, isn’t it hard living two different lives? Frankly, yes it is. I’m not living completely different lives, I’m just living separate lives. I said that just because you’re at one point of your life doesn’t mean you should ignore the past. Malaysia is and will always be home to me in some way, althought NZ is becoming home too. That is why when we were going out I absolutely wanted her to come to Malaysia to see this side of me. I wasn’t going to get into any serious relationship without them knowing the “whole package.” At the same time, I guess once you know me in my capacity in Malaysia and New Zealand, you will have gained so much more of my trust because you know where I come from, and can probably understand me better.

How do I feel right now? Disjointed I guess. Familiar smells, views and sights are like a smack in the face. I’m still on the highway but I’ve seen the typical Malaysian terrace shops and already felt the grit in the air sticking onto me like metal to a magnet. I can never believe how far we can travel in one day nowadays. Kinda suspicious that it’s just like the Truman Show and I’m just sitting in a pod while all the workers are changing the scene for me. I’m hungry…. I can never really eat on airplanes, I end up getting sick. I don’t like the air in planes, it’s not natural. We’re going to stop on the way home for a bite to eat.

Tomorrow we will continue the tradition that always occurs when I get back to Malaysia. In the morning, I will follow my family out for breakfast to eat the local delicacy, “kono mee” or “kampuang mein” or just black sauce noodles. Then I’ll hang around until it’s time to start daily bball sessions at church, normally around 5-5.30. And probably be busy for the rest of the week saying hello to old, but constant friends. Times have changed, but still so many things remain the same. It’s comforting to have my parents in the front seat again just like when I was little. Thanking God for airconditioning, and feeling sorta hungry.

I’m home.

Time : 1.48AM 29/11/05
Place: Home, as always.
Event: Coming home (wherever that is)

He sits there. Having spent the last 2 hours entertaining his friends and as the last one left the door, it starts to sink in.

"Wow, I can't believe it's that time of year again" he thinks to himself.

He isn't over the moon yet neither is he reluctant to go, he just feels... conflicted. So full of emotion yet neither one overtaking the other and leaving him just smack dab in the centre which makes him confused about whether he actually cares whether he's going or not? But deep down he knows he does care, but right now it is a dead stalemate and he knows that in the next few days, both sides will boast victories and losses over each other, leaving him in the rollercoaster ride.

He has had his life change at least twice on this day on prior occasions, both times for the worse (or so it seemed). Twice he had a girlfriend the day before and by the time he stepped onto the plane, for all intensive purposes, he was single. But he was never one to linger on such thoughts, "it's all for the best, it always is" he thought.

This was Catalyst Day, the day where everything changed. And like everyone else, he was afraid of change. Yet change brought the most growth and produces maturity, and yet maturity was something he thought he had yet lacked at the same time. It was what everyone wanted and what everyone hated, "what a contradiction" he thought, but this wasn't new to him, the world was a contradiction unto itself anyways.

Yet, he was single this year, having already beat the plane so that didn't bother him. He had a lot of things going on for him, friends to spend time with, something that he rarely got to do on more than a superficial level while he was studying; computer games to finish, music to write, and oh, that book he borrowed and had yet to finish.

Yet it wasn't all bad, he knew that he only got to see his family once or twice a year, and that he was missing out on his niece's and nephew's childhood. And it was always the last time that he thought he would see his grandmother, a 94 year old tender thing that was strong as an ox but yet senile as a mule. It usually was the other way round with elderlys. He would visit her as much as he could while the opportunity was still available, it was the least he could do. He knew he would once again understand what it would be like to have a family, something he would forget living alone sometimes.

He would miss his freedom, to do things whenever they needed to be done, yet he would appreciate having other people pay for dinner, or driving him around. The economist in him knew all the advantages and disadvantages, but the realist in him knew that in the end it was all equally balanced and in fact, it really didn't matter anyways. Home was where the heart was, and there were pieces lying around both in New Zealand and Malaysia.

"Ah well, there isn't any time to sit and ponder anymore, it was 2.23am now, and the plane would leave in about 12 hours. A smile or a tear could wait, he needed to go through and make sure he had packed all he needed for the next 3 months of change."

Change My Heart O God,
Make It Ever True
Change My Heart O God,
May I Be Like You

I'm coming home

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu <--- longest name of a location EVER!

Old girl-winner quote: "I love beautiful sunsets by the beach"


Thank goodness these crabs tasted better than they looked (jk, we don't eat local wildlife.. much!)

 
  A nice swimming pool for the 'tamer' ones who're afraid of swimming with the crabs, fishes, man-eating walruses, poisonous sea rats, explosive jellyfish etc etc

 
  Very picturesque and soothing, especially when there's a gentle seabreeze.

 
  But the most valuable? Good times with good friends of course!! :)

The day before my criminal law exam, I've been dreaming of home. I come from a small little town close to the sea in Perak, tropical Malaysia. So small and so little, yet such a big part of me.

It is something that I'm quite used to and think nothing of living in a small tropical town but I could imagine it being a whole different world to others out there. I think I could still possibly be a 'kampung boy (village boy)' through and through, I'm quite proud of it really. I have always been proud to be HockChiew/FooChow, a Christian, and to be from Sitiawan.

I've always wanted to show some of my New Zealand friends this part of me, but none of them have made the effort to visit me yet (I was especially disappointed when my ex-gf didn't want to come, but it does cost a bit). But that doesn't stop me from spamming you guys with pictures!

The little jewel in my backyard, Pulau Pangkor. Very small, very secret, but some of the best coral reefs and beautiful beaches!
http://www.pulau-pangkor.com/

And where I'm going to spend a considerable amount of time in Malaysia, Marina Cove. Lovely little beach and great fun for a game of beach volleyball, or a swim in the pool, or catching the crabs and fish in the sea, or lazing around getting a tan (not that you want one in malaysia, it's much better to look fair in malaysia), or watching the packs of monkeys that come to the seaside, or just enjoying a nice dinner at the japanese restaurant. Sigh... dreaming of home...
http://www.cuti.com.my/hotel/info.php3?id=1804&hotel=Sherwood+Marina+Cove+Lumut

Back in paradise in a month's time.... Can't wait :)

Don't worry about my last post, I think it's just because I spent the whole day trying to figure out something that I don't really understand. I'm just frustrated and kicking myself for not understanding it. I think most of you guys would be the same when reading about the interpretation of exclusion/exemption clauses in law. I'll be ok.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land, that I heard of once,
In a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams
That you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day, I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Way up above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me

I know somewhere over the rainbow
The blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I

I think I'm about to crack, there's only so much information a person can handle, and it's come to the point where I'm questioning my ability to learn, I fear I might've lost my ability to learn!
Coz I understand it, but then when I bring my mind to it again, I can't recall it.

There's so much to know, and so little time to know it all in. Have I reached my limit? I've only studied for 2 out of my 4 exams, I haven't even thought about the other 2 yet. If you ever want a subject that will test your mental robustness and push you to the edge of your sanity, law is for you. Now I'm starting to really regret doing 4 Law Papers instead of the normal prescribed 2.

I have to take this systematically, not worry about the ones in future, focus on the current ones, concentrate, but honestly, i'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Is this challenge too much for me to handle? I get to thinking that maybe I've never come across a challenge before in my life, and when I come to a small challenge, I start to crack. I dunno, is four law exams a challenge? I need to prove that I have what it takes to stand up against challenges in life. If I fail in achieving my goals, I let my whakapapa (genealogy - I could be the only one in my generation of my family to graduate from a University), my parents, my friends, and mostly I'm afraid of letting myself down. I MUST PASS these exams, this storm will come to an end, the effort that you sow you will reap. A little sanity sacrificed is worth the end result, so I tell myself. And I hope I'm right.

~Thinking Schizophrenically.

How's this for a quote? Morals are only good so when you go crazy you don't go on a maniacal killing spree. Because when your mind is gone, your morals still linger. Wow am I in need of psychological attention? I'm not known for being unstable, normally I'm the logical one. Hopefully it'll go away.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but at least I'm honest.

It's a week till my exams but I'm already dreaming of all the things I'm going to be doing during the holidays, some of these include:

i) Going out to Cornwall park with everyone, having a BBQ and spending the day playing sport like Ultimate Frisbee, Touch Rugby and a little soccer.
ii) Going out to Red Castle or going onto BNet to play DOTA till the wee hours of the morning (weee!)
iii) Spending a day out at the beach playing beach volleyball, having a nice swim in the sea, getting myself a much needed tan!
iv) Endless hours on the guitar and piano *grin*
v) Trying to complete a few songs and maybe getting my CD out!
vi) Catching up on PS2 and PC gaming *deserve a different thread than DOTA*
vii) Spending time with friends, new and old alike. Must play games like Cranium, Charades *grin*, etc etc
viii) NOT STUDYING *YAY*
xi) Carolling and Musical when I get back to Malaysia
x) Going out to the apartments by the beach and having some beach fun there too!
xi) Eating all the malaysian food!!! *Drool*
xii) Playing bball at church everyday
xiii) Getting some reading done
xiv) Going on a road trip with some buddies in malaysia
xv) Oooh voice lessons (my dad's friend is apparently a vocal trainer)
xvi) Did I mention the GOOD EATING in malaysia?!?!
xvii) and NOT STUDYING?!?

Well, that's mostly what I have planned, i'm sure there'll be many spontaneous unplanned events that happen and I'll try to keep u up to date, but right now... study... :(
Why wait for time?

To Christ I cling,
In everything,
From Him nothing I hide,
In God my secrets confide,
My refuge and my tower,
He alone my source of power,
When hurt, or down,
Finds me out and I am found,
Restoreth daily my soul,
His favor, my only goal,
Though sin and fall, I often do,
Forgiven at the Cross through and through,
So thanks to You, My Saviour King
To Christ I'll cling,
In everything.

My heart is lonely but I know I need no one else but You.
Still I wait for her.

Heya, just a quick thought popped into my mind so I'd like to share it with you guys I think it was a pretty nifty thought process.

Len brought up a question just yesterday about which was the greatest attributes to have, hope, faith, love (and a few others). I screamed out my favourite answer "love" as always, but I knew it was backed up by scripture.
1st Corinthians 13:13 says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

But i've been thinking about it somemore with relation to God. And it's true, love is the greatest, v8-11 talks about how prophecies may cease, tongues may be stilled and stuff. But love is the greatest among them.

And isn't that true?
If God believed faith was the greatest, He would've had faith that we humans could make our way back to Him on our own.
If God believed hope was the greatest, He would've hoped that we would somehow make it back to Him.
Thankfully He believed LOVE was the greatest, and John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

For me personally, that meant a lot to me, sometimes people think I'm a fool for believing in that true love and I get a little down because I think that myself too sometimes. But hey, what I believe in may not be here yet, or it may not be the right time, but what I believe in faith will come to pass, for I believe in the greatest attribute of them all. And you know why?
I left out the beginning of verse 8. You want to know what it says? 1 Corinthians 13:8 "Love never fails." *smile*

Rosita is the new NZ Idol! She was always one of my favourites to win, although not my favouristist of all, I thought Nik Carlson should've been a better popstar but oh well. As you may know I've been writing weekly reviews of NZ Idol for Xtramsn.co.nz and I just handed in my last report! Yay! It feels good, i almost didn't accept the job because I didn't want to have too many obligations (1 obligation was considered too many hehe) but i guess that's part of growing up. The stronger you are, the more responsibility you have to take, so I'm glad I stuck to my obligations, proves to myself that I am somewhat responsible.

The inner deep of my heart,
I must choose to ignore,
because now is neither perfect time,
Or place, all circumstances flawed,
I know it best, meddle not with Cupid's bow,
So until seasons change, please let me my secret keep,
And perhaps one day I will let you know,
That your love is everything I want and wish to seek,
That is my heart's true inner deep.

Came across some really powerful writing recently:
Think it's called "Tired of it all"

I'm not afraid to love, and thus I cannot be afraid to lose,
But even glass smashed to dust cannot be repaired,
Every man can only walk so many miles, every cat can have only so many lives.

I hate how it feels, how i want you to know but I can't tell you
these words that are in my heart.
I hide them because I am torn between two realities, both seemingly without you,
So maybe I prefer to bide my time in this fantasy.

I'm scared, because everytime I open up my heart all I get in return are flattered rejections,
And I'm tired of it.
I know I shouldn't feel this, maybe it's not right, maybe all i need to do is grow up.

But I am a man of passion, yet i have tried to tame it over and over again,
But the fire's already a blaze, it just needs someone to enjoy the warmth.
Before it engulfs me and the flame is extinguished forever.

Perhaps that is what you were, what you are, and what you will always be, never to be more than,
The object of my affections.

I'm tired of trying to facade my way to you,
Of putting up this front that hides the real me from you
Because all it does is reveal to you something that I'm not,
And hiding is always the easier way out.

I'll come around, I always do, I'll do the right thing and tell you my feelings,
And spend the next few months piecing my heart back together again.
Everytime that happens, I'm a little weaker, and a little lesser stronger,
and I'm tired of it all.

as a lawyer-in-training, i'm often swamped with pages and pages of words but sometimes a few words say the most

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God
not me, the big Guy that lives inside me ;)