This shot is from a game I've been playing called Guild Wars. In it you can explore a truly large world that could take days if not weeks to explore, here's a shot of a spectacular ice cave. Isn't this beautiful?? Sigh.... I want to go skiing :) 

Exams are here!!! Starting on thursday and they go till 13th November.. Pressure's on and I need to get some study done! I need to maintain a GPA of B+ at least but I plan to have at least an A- average so I'll be assured a spot in Law next year! I won't let another year pass me by(eyes shining with resolve)!!! Ganbatte kudasai~

Anyways, all your prayers and encouragement would be muchly appreciated!!
domo arigatou!!

Love, kinda weird when u think about it... and its interesting that so many people believe in it when they won't believe other things that seem less impossible. What is love? For me, i think it's the concept where there are two people out there in the whole wide world that are just meant to be, kinda preposterous isnt it? Out of how many billion people in the world, that there's someone just for me. Navigating through life, hardships and all, in hopes of finding that someone..

Maybe that's exactly why 2/3rds of marriages end up in divorce these days, maybe that's why it's so common to have a different girlfriend every week. Maybe.. just maybe... people choose not to believe in love anymore. How can you be sure he/she's the one?? Others just can't wait... Maybe to some, it doesn't exist.. That is why they go out and marry, and hey if it doesn't work out, there's plenty of other fish in the sea right?

Isn't that what media tells us? Love and sex is everywhere around us, so easy to get hold off, the more you have the better you'll feel! WRONG! What you think is love many times turns out to be lust, or infatuation. TRUE LOVE WILL FULLY FULFIL YOU. And you'll know when you meet that one special person in the WHOLE world.
That is what I choose to believe, and that why is I choose to wait....
Because I know you'll come, I know you'll be here one day. God lead you to my life when I'm ready because I don't want to blow it and lose you forever.....
No matter how lonely i get, no matter how discouraged i feel, I will always have hope in you.....
I promise I'll wait no matter how long it takes....



taken from chobits, good watch i recommend it, but don't start during exams like me~~ 

Your Icecream Flavour is...Chocolate!

You are the all time favorite, chocolate! Turning white kids black since the 1800s. Staining carpets, car seats, and bed sheets for centuries. One thing is for sure, you will never go out of style. You can't go wrong with chocolate!

What is your Icecream Flavour?
Find out at Go Quiz

Uni's started again, gah~! Waking up at 8.30am to get to a 10 am class is more than I can handle. Ended up slipping in and out of conscienciousness in a couple of classes eep! I can't afford to have too many repeats of that! And i sit right in front as well! I know i'm gonna offend the lecturer one day (i probly have already lol) but I can always say I'm really really really really REALLY shortsighted and thus my eyes need to be within a ridiculously close proximity to the book for me to be able to read it. Nah, it doesn't work, tried it before.

Other ways of sneaking a sleep in class when sitting in front row:

Wear sunglasses and say your eyes are sensitive to light. (I call it photophobia!)
Draw some (or better yet, tattoo them) fake eyes on ur eyelids so when u shut them, others aren't sure if u have or not. Except don't blink too much or u may attract worshippers of 4 eyed deities!
There's always the surefire method of saying you listen better when you're eyes are closed and the snoring only increases your concentration.

Get a friend to cover you from sight, however normally the friend has to be pretty big to fully camoflage you from sight, this works best with a petite asian girl and huge hungarian wrestler combo, and it's not the hungarian that sleeps!

I will attempt to give you a detailed analysis of which method is the most useful. :P

Hmm.. Since yesterday I've been hit by a sudden splurge of loneliness again. The highest on my list of potentials probably doesn't like me and this is probably the cause. But I reckon it's possible to be lonely and NOT desperate at the same time. It's more like I acknowledge I'm lonely, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything about it.

Here's my conundrum (i likey that word!)! I don't go out with girls that I hardly know. I need to get to know them first, be physically attracted, get along with them, know that they're good-hearted and haven't got eggs for brains. But that probably means i won't be getting a girlfriend anytime soon bcoz I'm not really close with any girls I'm really interested in, sigh. Am I aiming too high? Here's where religion and reality kinda separate, you could think that God has someone special planned for me and it will happen, or I could be realistic and ask "am I ever gonna find someone coz as far as things go, it seems pretty bleak, I'll probly be a 60 year old bachelor without love, argh PANIC PANIC!" That's a conflict going on in my head, but I think I just need to have more faith in God, in love and in myself i guess!

But whoever that girl's gonna be, I LOVE YOU already and can't wait till u're here!

Anyways, got tons of essays and assignments to get started on (didn't work on ANY during the hols, was too busy!).

Blog Ya Later

*Rallying every ounce of strength I can muster, I focus on my task, left arm, right arm, left arm again and continuing repeating this vicious cycle that propels me forward toward the end. Forward an inch, and then a meter, and another hopefully to victory and achievement. I ripple through the water like a seal on steroids and remember...... wait... I have to reach out for a breath*

This is one of those moments, another calm before the storm that is my life. I have about 1 hour before I have to get back into the race. And so i'm blogging. I'm not complaining that i'm too busy, but i hope i don't become one of those that become too busy that they forget to enjoy life. Sure, life is limited and you gotta go what you can while u're here. But look at what you're missing out on? Somethings need time to be enjoyed and appreciated. Things like.. your wife, the sky, a book. You can't go "ok, i'll schedule rose smelling for 5 minutes," or "I've got to enjoy this rose in 5 minutes" coz u've got a time limit on it, some things are only enjoyed most without a time limit.

So take some time smell the roses every once in a while and party hardy the rest! :)

Blog Ya Later,

Wow, thing's have been busy as, here's just a list of things i've done during the hols now:

1) Aug 28, Saturday : Ball (took whole day to prepare for it, and partied the whole night!) (Slept 5 AM)

2) Aug 29, Sunday : PS2 LAN Party (Mark (Inf), Martin (M), Steven (King Prawn) (whole day, slept at 1 chatting on MSN)

3) Aug 30-Sept 1, Monday - Wednesday : Ski Trip (30+ ppl, i'm not naming them!) AWESOME Best time of my life this year! But quite costly!
4) Sept 2, Thursday : Slept and recovered, slept like 20 hours!

5) Sept 3, Friday : Can't remember what happened during the day, went to cyber cafe in the city with OCF mates (till 2 AM)

6) Sept 4, Saturday : Daniel came over to stay for a couple days, left today (wednesday), followed me on all my exploits. Amos popped by, had bball with the OCF Mates! Went off to play Pool and had bubble tea and Chinese chess till 2 AM in the morning. (actually overstacked stuff and had 3 events to do that night, sorry for the other two events i didn't make it to..)

7) Sept 5, Sunday: Church in morning, lunch with OCF friends, Bball in afternoon with friends, church at night, met friends (Mei, Lynn, Jo, KC, Irene, Albert) for coffee at night (Esquires which is just next door)
8) After that went to the driving range (got a bit lost on the way) till 3-4 am in the morning. Had a lotta fun and thus it deserves a special mention!

9) Sept 6, Monday: Birthday party (Ji's) : lunch at La Porchetta (which means "the Pig" apparently, very posh!;)) (Abby, Mayu, Angie, Sharmi, Will T, Andrew, Ji, Alice and Karie) Drove Ji and Andrew to pick up cake and took them back too. Can't remember what happened after that.

10) Sept 7, Tuesday : Planned to have a quiet day, but mate called up at 1pm for a Console party (played Mario Party for 4/1/2 hours, Puzzle Fighter for at least 2, Athens for another 3, Singstar for 4). That's about 13.5 hours, slept at 5 AM.

And here i am on Sept 8, Wednesday, haven't done any study at all, need to pull my gig together! Sleep deprived, hungry and recovering for another dash towards the end of the holidays. Have dinner planned tomorrow night at 7 and bowling after that, Friday there's a PC LAN party I organised, and Saturday my parents are coming back YAY! Then I have a mate's place to go to for a PES competition which I'm not sure I'll go to. Have also been asked to go clubbing on Saturday night!

Man, can't wait for uni to start again, the holidays just take too much out of me (That's said with the most irony i can muster out of my half-dead state).

I'm alright, i'm a energy battery, all this pent up sexual frustration is giving me the energy to move through everyday with a energetic umph!

1)LJS the pirate lives on!!!! Argh, me heartys~!
2) How can people who've met just a couple times feel like they've known each other for ages? Love at first sight?
3) PS2 LAN party!!! Spending a day with 35+ year olds who never grew up, how was it?
4) Constanticity or spontanuity? Affairs in marriage?

Intrigued? Pop on by later to find out more~~

"Later in the morning"

Eeek, seems i won't be able to make the post today untill wednesday. I've just almost finished packing for the ski trip and it's 4 am right now~~ Can't blog now sorry but I will soon, stay tuned~~

Lol I'm back,
just want to say I am no player, I care about the other girl's hearts as much as I do my own.

I've been down to the darkest pits of relationship breakups and I wouldn't want anyone to feel what I've gone through. I mustn't be a pushover in this area just because I don't want to hurt their feelings in the short run, what matters is that I don't hurt them in the long run (which will be more painful!).

hmm, had more thoughts but forgot them, lol!
oh have to pack for ski trip, yay, probly won't tho. :P
Carparks are the best place for singing too!!

Blog Ya Later,

What a bizzare day!!! I would have never imagined anything like this to happen to me in a million years. Ok woke up, and went shopping and bought a nice black tie (25 bucks!) and got my hair trimmed and dyed (it was so short already!). But i didn't mind coz I wanted to dress to impress as a ball only comes around once a year (or more if u had the money to pay for them!). I wanted to go as a pirate and went off to a misc shop to buy pirate-y pirate stuff. Eventually got an eye-patch with a fake moustache (never used the moustache) and a pirate gun thing which i could flick around and catch (i practiced so long to get it correct! heh). The theme of our ball was water, and my weird logical progression was that since the shirt i was wearing looked kinda like a pirate shirt, and that a pirate's home was the sea, and the sea was full of..... WATER! So therefore LJS (Long John Silver = Ling Jun Shien, get it?? haha) was born!!!

Watched Dodgeball by Ben Stiller, it was ok, not as great as his other movies (how'd i have time to fit this in with ball prep, don't ask me, it's all about the manipulation of time!)! But when I arrived at the preball at my ex's, I found out she was dressed as a pirate as well!! How UNCANNY is that?? She was going to another ball and the theme was "the pirates of the carribean" (so much better than WATER...) and I had no idea she was gonna be dressed as a pirate. And WHAT A PIRATE! ;) Yea, i had some longing pains, but i didn't let that get the best of LJS the pirate! Arghhhh me hearteys! Anyways, since i couldn't find a sash or bandana, I decided i'd look dumb with just the plastic gun and eyepatch, and as quick as LJS was born, he was buried! (Darn I wasted 80 cents on the eyepatch and 6 dollars for the gun!) And so I went as boring old me (Me? Boring? Neverrrrrrr~)

Alright we had a huge pain getting there in time before the doors were shut, and that's a story in itself, pretty uninteresting but a story nonetheless. We made it there at 7.05 (doors were supposed to be shut at 7!). I went in my dad's jag! Lucky I didn't hit anything as it's uninsured, and i hope my parents don't read this hehe! There's no dents dad! Except for a couple... just kidding!! Eeek, i'd have to change my name and leave to Turkey if i hurt his car! And the place where the ball was being held was where I had my first date with my ex. UNCANNY SQUARED!

Alright, then we had fun, as u do at balls, taking pictures of unsuspecting victims and complaining about the food (ahhh so much fun!) and I met many old faces and plenty of new ones too! Of importance to this story (which is true in that it happened, but false in that i don't wanna get my pants sued off!) was that I met this girl (we'll call her Esmeralda) I'd gone to a foam party with a long time ago! And well, when i was on the dance floor, she popped up and started dancing with our group. But eventually we got to the stairs and started talking whilst looking out into the sea (the ball is at the viaduct) and all the docked boats swaying from side to side like grass. And we really hit it off, talking about what we did and about our lives, and I started to feel some attraction to her sincerity and happiness. And it's weird, because we've only met each other twice.

The thing is........ I was at the ball with someone else (unofficially and who we'll call Celene) and I didn't want to ignore her either. Sigh, i never expected anything like this to happen to me, and I didn't want to hurt any/both of the girls. Thankfully Celene had friends to dance with, and Esmeralda's friends had left her alone at the ball. Well the thing is, I had to tell Esmeralda I wasn't ready for a relationship, even though I liked her, and I am really not rdy for a relationship at this stage in my life. Not if it means someone getting hurt. After my ex, who was my life in NZ, I've tried to rebuild my life and I'm still midway so I can't really be in a relationship right now even tho I want one sooo bad! And I felt i couldn't commit totally to her becoz I didn't know her well enough yet, so I thought the best thing to do was to not pursue a relationship yet. I did get to talk to Celene for a while as well, and it was good~

"Are you in a relationship because you love the person, or you love the feeling of being loved?"

That's an issue I grapple with, and I'm not really sure how to resolve it even. If you are in a relationship becoz of the latter, you are being selfish, not loving. And from Juni's blog, "'I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.'" This is particularly true for me, and I need to be sure when I am in a relationship, I'm in it for the right reasons, and it has to be the right person. I don't want to be irresponsible in an area like this.

Well, Esmeralda left and I hope we will be friends and get to know each other better, and I was able to have the last dance with Celene, one that she promised me a long time ago. And I guess all's well and ends well. Gosh I feel like kicking myself in the bum becoz I did like Esmeralda, but I think I did what is best for me, for her, and for God. But right now, I'm still single and floating around waiting for the right one. I have no idea how it'll work out, but it will, and I will try every effort not to hurt others.

Wow, I don't even want to start analysing this, but I will bring u guys pics when things settle down, i've got a PS2 lan party tomorrow, and a ski trip on monday to wednesday, and a 21-st on thursday. It's gonna be a hectic week! Alas sleep evades me once again!

Wow, you kno those people always on the streets at night preaching about Jesus? yea, u kinda avoid them as if they had some STI or something, or just say "thanks but no thanks" or "i'm a christian already (even tho they might not be christians!)" but I never expected I'd be one of them. And what an experience it was...

Being a university student, you normally get some respect for apparently being smart (oh how untrue!) but even if a genius phd holder stood on the streets for Jesus, they'd get looks that say "oh wow you're crazy!" It was totally unfamiliar territory for me! I'm a very sociable guy normally and it was just so weird having people brush past u as quickly as possible as if u were homeless. People assume you're some hardout fanatic for standing there and making a stand that u're christian. I'm a very normal guy with a normal life, and yet it's funny how people act towards u when u announce u're a christian. I believe in Jesus becoz there is no contradiction with existence! Not because I'm crazy or a lunatic or weak.

Karl Marx said "religion is the opium of the masses" I reckon materialism and society's worldview is the real drug from being truely happy. Admit it, you have a void that nothing can fill no matter how cool u are, how many girlfriends u have, or how rich u are. It's because there's a space within us built for God! Sigh, how do i explain without being perceived as a hippy, or a lunatic? It is very down to earth if u ask me, there's nothin else to it..

I am willing to sacrifice my reputation as a cool guy if u believe christianity makes me 'uncool.' But the whole reason i'm the way i am, is because of what God has done in my life. If i wasn't a Christian, I wouldn't be as nice or happy as I am. I'd probly be some sleaze sleeping with as many girls as I could get my hands on, cutting corners and making money.

Something that will stick with me for a long time becoz i went thru it mentally and it happened tonight was a guy that was really angry for some reason and he just kept on shouting "WEAK WEAK WEAK WEAK!" I know what he feels like bcoz I have always thought of people who rely on drugs, drink and sex when stressed as weak. They rely on something to help get them through. And it's true, i'm weak! Everyone is and those that say they aren't are lying to themselves. But I guess the only thing is that I channel that weakness to something good, and look I come out a better stronger person with hope. Not drugs, alcohol, smokes, weed, sex that leads to despair. In no way am I an "escapist," instead I face reality head on and I can only do that with the realisation that God is for me. God is not some psychological edge or comfort, He is a real being.

That's not even the reason I'm a Christian (becoz he's my strength), that's just a benefit from my relationship with Him. I know, i know, this might sound kinda "out there." Having a relationship with a being that doesn't exist or someone you can't see? But He's there, just as if we stood in a room with a window, and outside every blade of grass is moving, we can't see it, we can't feel it from here, but we know it's there! I'm a Christian because i have a conscience, why wld I have one? Every person starts off with a conscience, although some starve it to death. Why do we have notions of right and wrong (not specific acts as it differs with cultures)? Because there is a God! And why would He create us if He did not love us? So He does, and He died for my sins bcoz I can never undo a wrong, so that He could reconcile my relationship with Him. And today I do~ If not I would've gone crazy a long time ago, but I am ok bcoz He's been with me, and once again He's not someone I made up in my mind. If you don't believe me, ask Him to show Himself to you!

"Everyday they pass me by,

I can see it in their eyes,
Empty people filled with care,

Headed who knows where?

People need the Lord,

At the end of broken dreams,
He's the open door,

When will they realise?
People need the Lord"

Anyways, ball today!! woohoo! holidays have started! let the games begin!! :)

Blog ya later,

Hmmm.... a thought crossed my mind yesterday and i was wondering, probly bcoz I'm alone and all, how much socialisation in one's life does one need to be properly normal in society? It's interesting when u think about it really! U hear these stories of ppl who've been living without human contact and i wonder how sane society wld deem them? Would they forget how to behave in public? Doing the Al Bundy position (hand down jeans, and not the pocket either!) and feel no hint of shame? I actually feared that this might happen to me?

I feel isolated, like I don't have any meaningful relationships in life at this moment. Maybe because I spend so much time alone? Maybe coz I don't have friends at my place all the time anymore? I guess this is all normal when you're at a crossroad in life? Kinda like the quote from Winston Churchill saying "i'm the most loneliest when i'm around people." I don't know, I feel like i really need to spend a day with someone just mucking around and doing nothing, but who with? U kinda need that certain level of 'friendship' before u can actually do that without feeling either "gay" or that u're in a relationship (dependin whether it's a guy or gal).

Which is weird, because I'm having so many meaningful conversations on MSN with tons of people and yet maybe I feel little reprieve? Maybe it's becoz I associate PC's with gaming and treat my conversations like a game rather than actually socialising? Which brings me to a really good question, "IS THE INTERNET A SUBSTITUTE FOR REAL SOCIALISING?" We get all these kids at home spending every evening chatting on their pcs but is it really a subsitute for having a game of bball at the court?

Who knows? I'm just probly in a contemplative mood, i don't feel depressed. Actually I feel pretty content in life, but who knows? I feel like I've heard that the worst depressed people are those who don't know their depressed? Is that me?? I feel fine, maybe great even!

I heard from bible study tonight that my friend's been diagnosed with minor depression, I'm a little bit worried for her, she's a really awesome person and has helped me through some tough times, I think I'm gonna txt her to try to brighten her up. But yea, hmm.. sorry no funnies today. Except u can laugh at me bcoz I have an assignment to do and hand in tomorrow! hehe!

I just read the book "Sushi for beginners" by Marian Keyes (I KNO I KNO it's a chick book :)) under recommendation from my good friend Kimi and in it there are these comedians and they all write books that are filled with darkness and hate and hurt, and is that what I am? Do i have this dark alter ego that's bent on destroying the world and making everyday saturday? Hmm, nah i think not, i think he'd rather play some Basketball and drink tea. hehe, dang my alter ego stinks.... Anyways, here's for a better day tomorrow~ Ganbattemasu~~

Isn't it funny the games we'll play in the name of romance? The dilly dallying, the beating around the bush, the playing hard to get, the "oh shld i call, is it too early, am I being desperate?" and the hints we drop? Sigh, why do we do such things? I'm not sure with couples, but right now as a single person, I guess it's a method of minimising our risks, to make sure if the other person does like us before we make our move or if we'll let ourselves submit to the power that love. Or in the pursuit of love anyways. The dropping hints here and there is just like the lady dropping the hanky hoping that the guy will pick it up and introduce himself, more often than not, the guy is too busy staring at her bum and the lady loses a perfectly good hankerchief! Sigh such is the world we live in! But i guess most of us want a sign that the other person is at least slightly interested in us before we pull the "are we more than friends?" line and dropping hints and hopefully receiving the proper signals allows us to do that.

How do you make someone love you? Such was the question posed in Bruce Almighty and deserves to be contemplated! Wouldn't it be way easier if we were all just arranged to be married to someone like the indian tradition? Sigh then there wouldn't be this waste of energy and effort on all this pussyfooting around! I estimate an increase of productivity by 300%! Sigh, class is getting to me...

But love's a funny thing, and something we all hope to attain! Life definately wouldn't be as fun without it. It is truely the spice of life (magnifico!)! And so with the hope of eternal happiness, we slave on and meet the world each day in hoping that we'll meet that special someone. So what's the conclusion of this discussion? Nothing really we're back where we started, this is a BLOG not a scientific or spiritual journal! Whaddya expect?!

John Mayer - Love Song For No One

"Searching all my days just to find you

I'm not sure who I'm looking for

I'll know itWhen I see you

Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom just staying up all night just to write

A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

So tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox

I could have passed you on the sidewalk

Could I have missed my chance

And watched you walk away?"

I just copied and pasted this coz I find this funny and relevent to the topic (u might argue but this is my blog so shuddup! ;P). I'm not desperate or anything, but it's true, I write love songs for no one, I find myself whispering "i love u" and i feel so fulfilled and happy, but who am I really talking to? I don't know, maybe God, maybe myself, i'm hoping it's not my ex, and who knows? What's important is I get satisfaction and happiness outta it and I'm content wif that!

What'd I do today? Felt pretty awake actually for having only a couple hours of sleep! Enjoyed class today, too bad I started enjoying it just before hols start and when the next half of semester starts i'll be back to being a bum. Had hip hop class, was really good and challenging but I was on top of it today! Normally half way through the dance I suffer from sudden amnesia and end up look like a dork having an epileptic fit but not today! Must've taken the right pills or something. I'm really enjoying hip hop class (not just becoz of the pretty girls, i know that's what u guys are thinking!) but I've always enjoyed dancing! Had a couple years where I was involved doing jazz for a yearly show but that ended, and haven't done anything (except choreograph my church's dance) really till now. And I'm enjoying the challenge... but not so much the sore leg muscles after...

Looking forward to the ball on sat, and skiing the week after, i reckon it's gonna be rad, bodacious and all that jazz... It's so easy to dress for a ball when u're a guy aye? Same suit, same shirt, same pants, hopefully not the same underwear as the last ball tho, and u're done. Ahh it's good to be a guy. :) Anyways, enough for today! Will tell u more when I'm closer to the action!

Blog Ya Later,

Wow 2 blogs in one day, may this be an omen of better things to come?

I'm still awake, it's 1.57 AM now, and an update on my status is........... worthless because it's not likely my whole world has changed in half an hour, is it?

But I read my last blog and it seems kinda sad, it's not supposed to be, it's just that the song reminds me of a couple of things, I'm actually doing tons better than the beginning of the year and have rebuilt my life~ So do not fear my fellow flightless birds and human readers, I will not turn suicidal nor will I become a field fisher (as from the story I heard as a wee one of crazy people going to the middle of a soccer field with a line and rod).

Why'd I blog again? I don't know really, but I can!! and that's good enough for me~ Sigh sleep deprivation causes abnormal behaviour and logic failure (let that be a warning to u young'uns!).

But really, the heart of the matter is I was asking myself why has blogging caught on? And is it going to stay?

Obviously there's the issue of the blog being like a diary (not a DAIRY that u go to for the milk) but then there's no privacy as any random person can just come along and read your every personal intimate thought. Hmm.. big problem there..

Then again there's also the idea that we all want to be famous, and having a blog helps in a small way to achieve that. We feel important (diary's make us feel so too) that there is someone we can report our day to. Does it even matter if anyone reads our blogs? Probly not, as proved in me adding this very entry to my blog! With a proud circulation of one (the other guy got x'ed by the govt for his conspiracy theories on Helen Clark (NZ PM) being a man called Bob), this blog is no mere achievement... IT IS NO ACHIEVEMENT.

Anyways I guess that adding an entry in a blog makes you feel like an editor, or a newsreporter, or a celebrity, and that makes us feel important. WANTED even?

So, is it here to stay? Or is it a fad like the forgotten ecircles.com and Osama Bin Laden t-shirts? I guess only time will tell and this is a cop out answer so that I can get to bed now coz I shld sleep! Class tomorrow!
ARGH

Anyways,
Blog Ya Later,

Argh, it's 1.30 AM, why do I do this to myself? I know I'm gonna regret this when I wake up tomorrow because I'll be so tired during the day!! But still, i guess i must be a glutton for punishment then~

I've got this song stuck in my head, and heart i guess. It's got such a nice chorus that I just sing over and over again for hours, I guess it's bcoz I know what that guy's going through, coz the song describes almost exactly how my break up exp was. Life is tough and confusing, I always think I'm over "her" but something comes along and I feel like i need "her" again, but it's normally just temporary. But as they say... "time is the best healer of hearts" and all I gotta do is grit my teeth during the hard days and enjoy the good days.

"And I'm just standing there I can't say a word Because everything is just gone I've got nothing Absolutely nothing

'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me There's things I can't imagine doing Things I can't imagine seeing It weren't supposed to be easy, surely Please, please, I'm begging, please"

Wow... I must've thought those words up a million times when it happened, how'd he get them in HIS song? :P

There have been a few days where she's not entered my mind at all though... I think... So I guess I must be making progress! But I can't/don't want to make myself hate her to get over her (even tho mayb she did that to me), I want to do this the right way! And the relationship was such a cornerstone in my life and we had so many good times, I don't want to distort the memories.. But life works out for the best u know? Just suck it in and keep ur chin up boy!

Anyway, here's the song, it's called Dry Your Eyes by The Streets

In one single moment, your whole life can turn round
I stand there for a minute, staring straight into the ground
Looking to the left slightly, then looking back down
The world feels like it's caved in, proper sorry frown

Please let me show you where we could only just be for us
I can change, and I can grow, or we could adjust
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust
We can even have an open relationship if you must

I look at her, she stares almost straight back at me
But her eyes glaze over, like she's looking straight through me
Her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity
When they open up she's looking down at her feet

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now, it's over

So then I move my hand up and down by my side
It's shaking; my life is crashing before my eyes
I turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh

'Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me
There's things I can't imagine doing
Things I can't imagine seeing
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely
Please, please, I'm begging, please

She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested
She wraps her fingers around mine with the softness she's blessed with
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures
By pushing my hand away to my chest, from hers

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now, it's over

And I'm just standing there
I can't say a word
Because everything is just gone
I've got nothing
Absolutely nothing

Trying to pull her close out of bear desperation
Put my arms around her, trying to change what she's saying
Pull my head level with hers so that she might engage in
Look in to her eyes to make her listen again

I'm not gonna fucking just fucking leave it all now
'Cause you said it'd be forever, and that was your vow
And your gonna let our things simply crash and fall down
You're well out of order now, this is well out of town

She pulls away my arms, tightly clamped round her waist
Gently pushes me back as she looks at me straight
Turns around so she's now got her back to my face
Takes one step forward, looks back, then walks away

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now, it's over

I know in the past I've found it hard to say
Telling you things, but not telling straight
But the more I pull on your hand and say
The more you pull away

Dry your eyes mate
I know it's hard to take, but her mind has been made up
There's plenty more fish in the sea
Dry your eyes mate
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts
But you've got to walk away now

*Trumpets... (for lack of a better word) trumpetting glorious songs*
Behold! I'M BACK!!! I hope you guys missed me, well, since there's only two of you reading this, i hope you BOTH have missed me. sigh, such a sad life i live.

Anyways, EXAMS are over!!!!! I meant to write sooner but hey, i'm in HOLIDAY cruise mode right now, things don't get done and that's the way things are done around here from now on. If that made an ounce of sense to you, you have my respect.... Anyways, thing's that I've brought out of these exam period are :

1) Don't procrastinate, it kills you! All my 5 minute breaks turned into 3 hour movie watch-a-thons(brother of marathon that is)

2) Hiccup, as I've known all my life... is also spell as "hiccough", which totally bugs me because it's still pronounced hic-cup! (result from my procrastination of course)

3) Do not, I repeat DO NOT leave one day for exam prep, and also DO NOT, for the sake of your mental and physical health pull an allnighter (i did!) for revision on the eve of your exam.

4) Sleep, however, is awesome after the allnighter. Might say it would be better than sex even, but what would i know? Note: This might be the only time you ever hear me even suggest sex is superceded by something.

4)Never tie an old man to a post with a raccoon with rabies wearing undies (ie underwear) on his head. I don't know why, just don't try it.

Anyways, that's about it, hopefully I'll write to you soon again about Shrek 2 which is a totally awesome movie!! Anyways, i've got to get back to doing absolutely nothing! Haha, I LOVE IT!

Well I'm glad Ben won, the better man won! I'm not saying anything against Michael, but Ben was just better suited to sing that song. BTW for all my readers from overseas, I'm talking about NZ Idol and not my boyfriends.. eek... (Takes a big puff of oral anti-gay spray). Aah that's better, no I am totally heterosexual yet not homophobic, just want to clear that up for you guys. And the single that the winner of NZ Idol will be singing is called "Can't Take That Away" I think. I might I might pull out the 5 dollars for the single just to show my support. And I found out in uni today that one of my ex-school mates actually knows Ben quite well!! I'll hopefully get the CD signed and maybe sell it off for 100 dollars? Hehehe, my evil asian mind conjuring ways of making money again. About that, I have an idea that I'm sure would make a couple of million dollars, it's just that I don't have the capital to invest in it, so if you've got a couple hundred to spare or want to buy my idea off me for about a million, pls contact me! ^_^ I'm so sure it'll make tons of money, just needs some research and setting up production facilities.

Anyways, what'd I do today? Nothing much, just had an average day at uni and went to a mates to grab some CDs of anime, games and comics from him, aaahhh my whole entertainment for a month or two has been dealt with. I'm still recovering from my last minute essay and gearing up to start my sociology essay (1800 words!!) before I have to pull more nights like that. I shall be good and do my work in time now.... maybe...

Blog Ya Later

Well, here I am sitting by my computer at 4.15 AM in the morning!! I survived... barely... I guess that's what you get for doing a 2000 word essay plus research plus referencing in a day huh? Mind's a bit slow and fingers a bit jittery but other than that I'm fine, what remains to be seen is if I can wake up tomorrow to go to class! That shall be interesting indeed!

So uh... Yea, what have I been doing? Learning to cook! That's a task and a half, well, half of the task is learning how not to burn yourself or the kitchen. But somehow I managed that too, and had a reasonably nice dinner, it's amazing how satisfied you can be with a nice dinner after a week of instant noodles and takeaways.

NZ Idol's winner is going to be announced tomorrow and I'm hoping that NZ will do the right thing and vote for the BEST SINGER(Ben), not the cutest guy(Mike)!! He's not even that cute... Anyway, I'm here thinking I could sing as well as them if I had as much training as they've had for the last 5 months! So if you're reading this mr. talent scout, gimme a ring! uhh.. yea, i doubt anyone's gonna call unless it's a telecommunications survey! But yea, I always go back to M'sia during Nov-Feb and that's when NZ Idol auditions are, and when I'm in NZ, i hear the news that there's going to be a M'sian Idol soon, and i'm going to miss that as well! Ohhh woe is me.

Anyways, i'm off to bed, sure i'll sleep soundly, thank goodness for 12PM starts on monday!!

Blog Ya Later!

Hiya blog! What a month it's been!! My birthday's come and gone just like that, and now I'm 19, which feels a lot like 18 really, my teeth are still intact and my mind is still functional (some may argue otherwise). Uni's just been one huge day, I've had to do 2 assignments and sit for one 30% test within these two weeks of uni and it's only gonna get harder!!

BTW, I should be doing my management essay right now which is due on Monday, but I'm not, hehe I haven't even started, wooo boy, how am I going to come up with a perfectly structured 2000 word essay with referencing in one day? Oooh boy, but not to worry, Charles Ling Jun Shien has gotten himself out of more serious problems than this! Like....... hmmm... can't remember.... Oh well, I'm screwed!! T_T Well I'll try and update you after the essay has been handed in.

My life is really out of whack at the moment, well it has been for the whole year and it's a little too complicated to reveal to you just right now when I've got so much work to do. So sorry blog I hope our bond of trust hasn't been too severely mutilated. But it's good to say I'm starting to feel like myself again, starting to be able to stand up against my own two feet (or four if you're one of my sheep readers).

You know how society says we should always be able to be independent? I wonder if that's true, is it just a precaution to stop you from getting hurt? From depending on someone, because we all know that no one else except us is dependable. But what about if you fall in love and I mean TRULY in love? And i know it takes a lot of trust and faith in the other person, but let's just say hypothetically that you both love each other, is it wrong to start to become dependent on each other? Does society frown upon couples whose two hearts have actually become one? Are those people jealous? I'm aware that if one pulls out, then you're screwed as am I, but I don't think I'll ever give up believing in true love. But I do need to remind myself, when I do fall in love, not to believe in the ideology of true love, but to believe in the person that I love. That i think is a pearl of wisdom. Wow, now if only i could write something like that for my essay. Anyways, gotta scoot, read up on another chapter and start writing it tomorrow, wish me luck!

Blog Ya Later!!!

Geeee... today was a mess!!
Hmm.. couldn't catch a wink last night, don't know why? Ever had one of those nights where u couldn't sleep even if there was a 500kg montrousity of a women pinning you down wif her excessively large posterior? Hm, maybe not.
But the problem with these nights is that once you have one, you'll start worrying about going to bed every night! "Am I gonna be able to sleep tonight?" stuff like that jus keeps on popping in and it might be those thoughts that actually prevent u from sleeping! If you girls understand maybe you'll understand why some of us men get psychological penile dysfunction syndrome, this I assure you is theoretical only and not through own experience!
Anyways, been emailing this girl whom i've never met before, she met me on the NZDating.com site (I'm still not sure wat I'm doing there) and she seems cool, she doesn't drink smoke do drugs, is Christian, seems perky (all very admirable traits for me~) and.. SHE WANTS TO MEET. YIKES, haha anyway, We've tried meeting yesterday and today but due to time constraits I haven't met her yet, she probly thinks I'm some 60 year old pervert who's just stringing her along... Which I'm not, it's just that I figured out I'm hugely afraid of REJECTION, i guess that's something I've got to get over. Have you ever had a situation where everything's so perfect, and something comes along and you're afraid it might ruin everything? I guess that's what I'm feeling. Anyways, she says she just wants to be friends so I'm not even sure what I'm afraid of. Hmmm.
Yikes, ever had a secret you wanted to keep so much that if ur good friend found out u'd be mad at him? I think I'm in that situation. More on this later when the smoke has cleared!! Stay tuned!! (Who says stuff like this only happens on TV Shows?! I'd like to shoot him and then shoot him again! heh)
I'm currently way too busy doing 2nd year Uni as well!! WOW, IS YEAR 2 EVER HARD? They were right when they said Year 1 was cruisy.
HOoooo boy, this is gonna be a long year~

Blog Ya Later

Hey, wow, my own blogspot! Although this shouldn't be new to me, as i had a blog once which never got used even once, I apologise to that blog, i hope it didn't turn into a drug-addict/bum blog because I never gave it any TLC. But finally I have been granted a second chance, an opportunity to right my wrongs, I will never misuse u nor abuse you, until I start my 2nd post of course *grin*.

Anyways, Hi there, my name is Charles Ling Jun Shien, and I'm a student at the University of Auckland, I'm Malaysian Chinese and my birthdate is on the 14th of April 1985 (fyi, it was the day that titanic sank, and for those of u who are gonna say it... I never said year, ok?? I just mean day!!). I'm currently 172 cm (about 5'7' OH WHY ME???) planning on growing another 15 cm before I stop, weigh about 62 on average, and have stood totally naked except my boxers in front of 500 people. Yup, I'm about as average as you can get.

I think that's about it for my first blog, it's another day of Uni tomorrow, only 4 days and I feel like a complete wreck! How will I ever survive the year? *sigh*

Blog ya later

Hi, I'm back, see? I told u I wouldn't leave you alone!
Yea, well, I was just asking myself why do I need another responsibility?
Am I doing it for the fun, the fame, the money, the sex?
If you answered yes in everything above, you're probably right!
No, i do it coz I think my life's pretty interesting, I hope everyone's is, but i guess i'm doing this to update all my friends out there in M'sia and NZ on just what's happening in my life, so yea, i guess I'm kinda like a voyeur person but not, because a voyeur is someone who likes to look at people but I'm on the other side and like... oh forget it. But this is only till I get my offer to write books for millions of dollars, then I guess I'll have to charge people to read my blog. Heh... I hope it's entertaining for u guys out there, YOU PERVERTS, hehe. Well, that's it for my 2nd blog.

Blog Ya Later