Don't worry about my last post, I think it's just because I spent the whole day trying to figure out something that I don't really understand. I'm just frustrated and kicking myself for not understanding it. I think most of you guys would be the same when reading about the interpretation of exclusion/exemption clauses in law. I'll be ok.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land, that I heard of once,
In a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams
That you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day, I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Way up above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me

I know somewhere over the rainbow
The blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I

I think I'm about to crack, there's only so much information a person can handle, and it's come to the point where I'm questioning my ability to learn, I fear I might've lost my ability to learn!
Coz I understand it, but then when I bring my mind to it again, I can't recall it.

There's so much to know, and so little time to know it all in. Have I reached my limit? I've only studied for 2 out of my 4 exams, I haven't even thought about the other 2 yet. If you ever want a subject that will test your mental robustness and push you to the edge of your sanity, law is for you. Now I'm starting to really regret doing 4 Law Papers instead of the normal prescribed 2.

I have to take this systematically, not worry about the ones in future, focus on the current ones, concentrate, but honestly, i'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Is this challenge too much for me to handle? I get to thinking that maybe I've never come across a challenge before in my life, and when I come to a small challenge, I start to crack. I dunno, is four law exams a challenge? I need to prove that I have what it takes to stand up against challenges in life. If I fail in achieving my goals, I let my whakapapa (genealogy - I could be the only one in my generation of my family to graduate from a University), my parents, my friends, and mostly I'm afraid of letting myself down. I MUST PASS these exams, this storm will come to an end, the effort that you sow you will reap. A little sanity sacrificed is worth the end result, so I tell myself. And I hope I'm right.

~Thinking Schizophrenically.

How's this for a quote? Morals are only good so when you go crazy you don't go on a maniacal killing spree. Because when your mind is gone, your morals still linger. Wow am I in need of psychological attention? I'm not known for being unstable, normally I'm the logical one. Hopefully it'll go away.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but at least I'm honest.

It's a week till my exams but I'm already dreaming of all the things I'm going to be doing during the holidays, some of these include:

i) Going out to Cornwall park with everyone, having a BBQ and spending the day playing sport like Ultimate Frisbee, Touch Rugby and a little soccer.
ii) Going out to Red Castle or going onto BNet to play DOTA till the wee hours of the morning (weee!)
iii) Spending a day out at the beach playing beach volleyball, having a nice swim in the sea, getting myself a much needed tan!
iv) Endless hours on the guitar and piano *grin*
v) Trying to complete a few songs and maybe getting my CD out!
vi) Catching up on PS2 and PC gaming *deserve a different thread than DOTA*
vii) Spending time with friends, new and old alike. Must play games like Cranium, Charades *grin*, etc etc
viii) NOT STUDYING *YAY*
xi) Carolling and Musical when I get back to Malaysia
x) Going out to the apartments by the beach and having some beach fun there too!
xi) Eating all the malaysian food!!! *Drool*
xii) Playing bball at church everyday
xiii) Getting some reading done
xiv) Going on a road trip with some buddies in malaysia
xv) Oooh voice lessons (my dad's friend is apparently a vocal trainer)
xvi) Did I mention the GOOD EATING in malaysia?!?!
xvii) and NOT STUDYING?!?

Well, that's mostly what I have planned, i'm sure there'll be many spontaneous unplanned events that happen and I'll try to keep u up to date, but right now... study... :(
Why wait for time?

To Christ I cling,
In everything,
From Him nothing I hide,
In God my secrets confide,
My refuge and my tower,
He alone my source of power,
When hurt, or down,
Finds me out and I am found,
Restoreth daily my soul,
His favor, my only goal,
Though sin and fall, I often do,
Forgiven at the Cross through and through,
So thanks to You, My Saviour King
To Christ I'll cling,
In everything.

My heart is lonely but I know I need no one else but You.
Still I wait for her.

Heya, just a quick thought popped into my mind so I'd like to share it with you guys I think it was a pretty nifty thought process.

Len brought up a question just yesterday about which was the greatest attributes to have, hope, faith, love (and a few others). I screamed out my favourite answer "love" as always, but I knew it was backed up by scripture.
1st Corinthians 13:13 says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

But i've been thinking about it somemore with relation to God. And it's true, love is the greatest, v8-11 talks about how prophecies may cease, tongues may be stilled and stuff. But love is the greatest among them.

And isn't that true?
If God believed faith was the greatest, He would've had faith that we humans could make our way back to Him on our own.
If God believed hope was the greatest, He would've hoped that we would somehow make it back to Him.
Thankfully He believed LOVE was the greatest, and John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

For me personally, that meant a lot to me, sometimes people think I'm a fool for believing in that true love and I get a little down because I think that myself too sometimes. But hey, what I believe in may not be here yet, or it may not be the right time, but what I believe in faith will come to pass, for I believe in the greatest attribute of them all. And you know why?
I left out the beginning of verse 8. You want to know what it says? 1 Corinthians 13:8 "Love never fails." *smile*

Rosita is the new NZ Idol! She was always one of my favourites to win, although not my favouristist of all, I thought Nik Carlson should've been a better popstar but oh well. As you may know I've been writing weekly reviews of NZ Idol for Xtramsn.co.nz and I just handed in my last report! Yay! It feels good, i almost didn't accept the job because I didn't want to have too many obligations (1 obligation was considered too many hehe) but i guess that's part of growing up. The stronger you are, the more responsibility you have to take, so I'm glad I stuck to my obligations, proves to myself that I am somewhat responsible.

The inner deep of my heart,
I must choose to ignore,
because now is neither perfect time,
Or place, all circumstances flawed,
I know it best, meddle not with Cupid's bow,
So until seasons change, please let me my secret keep,
And perhaps one day I will let you know,
That your love is everything I want and wish to seek,
That is my heart's true inner deep.

Came across some really powerful writing recently:
Think it's called "Tired of it all"

I'm not afraid to love, and thus I cannot be afraid to lose,
But even glass smashed to dust cannot be repaired,
Every man can only walk so many miles, every cat can have only so many lives.

I hate how it feels, how i want you to know but I can't tell you
these words that are in my heart.
I hide them because I am torn between two realities, both seemingly without you,
So maybe I prefer to bide my time in this fantasy.

I'm scared, because everytime I open up my heart all I get in return are flattered rejections,
And I'm tired of it.
I know I shouldn't feel this, maybe it's not right, maybe all i need to do is grow up.

But I am a man of passion, yet i have tried to tame it over and over again,
But the fire's already a blaze, it just needs someone to enjoy the warmth.
Before it engulfs me and the flame is extinguished forever.

Perhaps that is what you were, what you are, and what you will always be, never to be more than,
The object of my affections.

I'm tired of trying to facade my way to you,
Of putting up this front that hides the real me from you
Because all it does is reveal to you something that I'm not,
And hiding is always the easier way out.

I'll come around, I always do, I'll do the right thing and tell you my feelings,
And spend the next few months piecing my heart back together again.
Everytime that happens, I'm a little weaker, and a little lesser stronger,
and I'm tired of it all.

as a lawyer-in-training, i'm often swamped with pages and pages of words but sometimes a few words say the most

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God
not me, the big Guy that lives inside me ;)

Wow, i'm not really one to indulge in a bit of self-loathing but i feel it is well deserved today. Today is another day where I totally wasted the whole day when I could have spent it studying. I woke up at 11am, rechecked my email every 15 minutes, blogged every couple of hours, studying the careful movements of Free-runners in videos, after which it is time to check my email again. So in fact I have managed to waste the whole day, and only started studying at 11pm, it only took me 12 hours to start studying.

I hate myself when I have days like these.

However, I did go to the shooting of So You Wanna Be A Popstar with my good mate Cameron Forlong coz he won two free tickets. And we got 2nd row seats and got a good look at all the Stars. That's the second shooting I've been to in a relatively short time period. Last time I got shoved right to the side, but this time I was right up front. I think I'm certain to get my "handsome" face on TV so watch channel 2 7.30 Wednesday to see yours truly! The recording itself wasn't as smooth as NZ Idol, but then it was much more complex. The dancing girls were VA-VA-VOOM.

But yeah, back to self-loathing.. where was i? I still hate myself at this moment for not having the discipline to study. So I'm turning to drastic measures, I'm now never going on MSN on my laptop again, in fact I'm disabling my wireless network adapter on my laptop. So goodbye cruel internet world, I shall see you on the other side! :) Good things take sacrifices. But I'll still try and blog every couple of days. Prayers for my studies and exams are muchly appreciated!

I saw this video on http://www.youtube.com, and I couldn't help but feel joy and a strange sense of happiness. I can't say anything except watching this for the first time was just magical.

The guy in the video is Matt Harding (http://www.wherethehellismatt.com) and he quit his job in Australia as a computer programmer to drit around the world recording videos of him dancing. He's not rich, he's just like you and me, except he's pursuing his dream. Enjoy (I know you will)!



The worldless native sounding music raises our desire to return to our natural roots, where nothing is complicated and spurs our human natural desire, that is to see more, to know more, and to understand more. It touches some innate desire so deep within us that we can't just help but smile.

I think one of the most joyful msgs this video communicates is that no matter where the human spirit is, it is indominable and free-spirited. Humans, no matter where we are, in India, Asia, Europe or America, aren't that different, we're all just trying to do our best with the cards given to us in life. The fact that the guy is dancing in his own way which would normally be laughed at (and is) wouldn't be seen as embracing the normal values of gracefulness or dexterity invokes a feeling that says "Go man, do your own thing!"

At the same time, I think part of our soul loves to celebrate the idea that a man who is sick of his monotonous life can give up his job and all his responsibilities and just see the world for what it is and do what he wants to do, which is something we people trapped in our boxed worlds can't appreciate very often so we enjoy living vicariously through him. We truly only get one childhood, one youth, one chance, one life, so cherish it. And then no matter what we look like, where we are, that we are all different, but yet we are in so many ways much more similiar and the differences seem so minute when you look at it. Celebrate life.Dance like no one's watching.

Took another test, i think i answer 60 questions (awful waste of time) so IT MUST BE TRUE (sarcasm).. But i do think that it does reflect how I think of myself... Except turning into the Man Next Door if I fail to find a love by the time I'm 30... I'm scared! :P

The Boy Next Door Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm) Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet. We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what. Your exact opposite: The 5-Night Stand Deliberate Brutal Sex Master On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold. More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not. ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: dekiwi

sometimes i think lawyers and music shouldn't go together.
only sometimes

sometimes i think i think i go for things that i can't achieve.
a dream is only a dream until you achieve it

sometimes i think i'm too lazy.
most times

They say that dreams are a window into the deepest depths of the human mind, so I'm gonna write this one down before I forget it, and maybe someone can give me a meaning to it? It's rather grim.. first time I've ever dreamed of it, so here goes.

Well, all i remember about my dream was that it was in malaysia, it was at night, and I was with some friends and we were going back to one of their places to hang out. And while we were walking around some 10 storey apartments, my eyes picked up a silhouette around the 10 floor of a guy standing on the ledge of his balcony, i looked at him and he looked at me. I wasn't sure what to think at this point, maybe he was going to jump, maybe he was just standing there and enjoying the night breeze and view. But my friend noticed him then too, and shouted "don't jump!!" upon which he took a few steps...... and jumped.

It was quick, it was quiet, until we heard the sickening thud. It didn't give the person any justice to the life he had lived up till now.

He wasn't moving at all, we ran to a nearby restaurant and told them what had happened and they called the police. After this, I just remember standing around and trying to process what had just happened. And then we continued on to our friends place and we passed the place where he had jumped. He was still lying on the floor, with a growing pool of blood around him. I don't remember much else after that.

Even though it was just a dream, it was really shocking to see him actually jump and hit the floor. Just goes to show that dreams can and do affect us. Quite scary really. Anyone want to try and figure out what any of that means?

Just got shown a movie from www.nintendogs.com and man, I really want one of those!! They look so cute~~~ Go see for yourself, and then buy me a Nintendo DS with nintendogs!! :P

Things I want for Christmas

1.A Nintendo DS + Nintendogs
2.Ipod Nano
3.World peace (can't have a wishlist without wishing for world peace)

Sweet lyrics I heard as I was browsing through my songlists. It's a song of surrender to God, when we are weak and can do nothing, God will be our strength and do everything.. if we let him have the authority.
Proverbs 3:5 says Lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him, Then He will make your paths straight. God, I pray that you will step into my life even when I think what I'm doing is right but it isn't what You wish for me.

This is "Take My Life" from Third Day.

How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it once more.

Chorus:
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus

Don't kids say the darndest things sometimes?
Here's what my cousin's daughter (my niece 1st removed I guess) said when she went to ballet lessons, she's only 3 i think! This is an extract taken from my sister's blog (yes I do have a sister!) from http://chiwigal.blogspot.com!

Teacher: Now girls.... let us all pretend to be butterflies.. so flap your wings and fly like a butterfly...

(Kelly, my cousin's daughter, and Kaitlyn (my niece) standing in the middle while everyone else is flying like butterflies, round and round the room)

Teacher: (to Kelly and Kaitlyn) Don't you girls wanna fly like butterflies??

Silence....

Teacher: Ok... you girls don't want to be butterflies, well then.. (turning to Kelly) what would you like to be?

Kelly: Worm

Yep, kids do really say the darndest things. Unless Kelly is the world's youngest breakdancer and actually wants to do the worm, which would be cool too! :)

Sometimes it can be a drag to always have internal conflicts, but right now's one of the times I really feel grateful to always be struggling on the inside. Hey, it may not show right now, and sometimes I feel I haven't changed whatsoever, but it's the little things that change, Rome wasn't built in a day, and even if you don't see it, trust me, you ARE making progress, and you will see the benefits one day. Just as a rolling stone gathers no moss, keep rolling on with life and being all that you can be!

Just a quick thought and jotting down of my feelings.. Retards of Ruapehu 2 is deviously in production in the far recesses of my sinister mind *grin*!

"Beautiful Lord, Wonderful savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plans

You gently called me into your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray

Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand"

-- Edit: I found this while surfing again... lol, it doesn't get much better than this! How long can you hold it?! This could entertain certain people I know for days.. :P HoldTheButton.com
I must admit I only held the button for a measly 14.84 seconds before I realised I should be studying and that this was a mega mega mega MEGA waste of time! Not to mention utterly stupid :P But enjoy! I wanna see you guys post how long YOU can hold the button! Who knows? You could even break the record!

Hey today I thought I'd do something really different and maybe perhaps even amusing (gasp! Charles? amusing? no way!!) and put up some photos of the Mt Ruapehu trip, we went to the Turoa slopes and had a whole lot of fun! I'll be putting these up as a set of pictures that tell a story, so I'll apologise for the millions and millions of photos that are going up (they shlda never let me know about posting photos *grin*).. I call it "Retards Of Ruapehu: On Ice" and am currently in negotiation with Peter Jackson to make it as a sequel to LoTR. Enjoy!!



Somewhere in a faraway and mysterious land called the Shire, New Zealand...

[There were three hobbitses looking for my p-p-p-precious] Golum, u're supposed to be dead! Remember, falling into Mt Doom and all? [Oh true, *evaporates into thin air*] Uhm.. anyways.. these hobbits were called Chris, Sam and Amos. And they embarked on a great quest to find and successfully ski/snowboard Mt Mood (spell that one backwards)!







They perused the parchment trusted upon them by their wise friend that would direct them upon their treacherous journey (notice how the map is upside down... there's a twist). That wise friend was called...








The Yellow Retarded Wizard, the Great Gancharles!! (And ohhh boy do I look retarded in that photo...)








And so... after boosting a Van from the mean streets of Mangere.. I mean, procuring a mechanised chariot from Lady OhImSoPretty, they began their journey, not knowing what lay ahead. There were many days of singing hobbit folksongs like Bohemian Rhapsody, and I Would Walk 500 Miles, not to mention the anthem All I Want For Christmas is My Hairy-Foot Shaver®. And all was well until..







They fought and killed the dreaded sea monster (a giant sea cucumber by the looks of it!) of the Lake of Holeinone...








After which they proceeded to have a quick game of golf!








But ever focused on their journey, they then trudgingly kept on their exhausting and dangerous journey (hey! haven't we seen that photo before?)







When they finally got there, they were disappointed by what they saw, Mt Doom was not all they had hoped it would but. But ever persistant, with the hopes of all OCF'ers on their shoulders, they continued their quest to conquer the dangerous mountains.. with much limited success..







After discovering that it did matter which side you read a map from, they then reoriented themselves towards the mountains. (*YAWN* same photo again....)








They passed the Forrests of Fartgorn (sorry just couldn't resist)....








And when they were just about at the end of their spirits (not alcohol, doh, pun!), they sighted far off in the distance a long white cloud which eventually turned out to be a mountain, they had finally reached the feet of the domineering Mt Mood! Woo!

Ok well that was Chapter One.. I'll continue it on sometime if I ever feel inspired again, and knowing how often I blog these days, it won't be too long :) Stay tuned! Because next episode we get to the action scenes, and of special mention is the foreign impressive army of Saucer numbering in the thousands called sheepzors or something like that.. You can see a sneak preview in this photo!







But here's a less retarded photo of me (phew) and I was near the summit, never got there because of bad weather. But it was still pretty high up!

Today's a rainy downcast day again and I've been stuck at home studying, reading, and lying in bed. Not a bad day to be doing those things, but I found out how to post photo's on my blog now, yay! So I thought i'd post a couple pictures I took from the Bay of Islands. Photography is one of my many interests, it's a great challenge trying to capture as much beauty as you can in one photo, but God's creation is so awesome coz you can never capture the full beauty of it all in a picture... and in a way I'm glad.

God is so creative and His creation so marvellous that it could never be caught in a photo, it can never replace the feeling of just being there. Just the same, we could never expect to understand God because if we could, He wouldn't be God now would He?

But anyways, enjoy the photos, in my mind I'm already on that boat fishing the day away and catching some huge snapper! :) Oh and eating all the oysters at the same time, JUST LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM *drool*

When one has so much to offer, but no one can see it, does he actually offer something at all or is he fooling himself?

Think about it :)

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