Friday, December 09, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
December 7 1AM
My grandmother is one of the people I admire most. She was born in China, went to a missionary-run school as a teenager, and caught a boat to someplace called Sitiawan with a friend and her friend’s uncle for God knows what reason. She was never married, she adopted my mother from my blood grandmother because my mother was the 8th child. My blood grandmother could not afford another baby and couldn’t do anything but give her away, but she could do even less to prevent a pregnancy because of a lack of contraception in those days. Those were the days where you would work 40-60 hour weeks and count yourself lucky if you had meat on your plate twice a week.
My grandmother was also a pastor of a church that survives even until today, and in those days, where gender equality was unheard of, a female pastor was probably even more so a peculiar sight. She is still referred to as Nguriengan which is a sign of respect by many people. She also provided many people refuge with her as they hid in makeshift huts in the jungle during the Japanese invasion and occupation. I still remember as a small child, she would always come and tuck me into bed, she would read me a Bible story and pray for me before I go to bed. She would take care of me when my mother got sick and tired of my naughtiness.
I would love to write a book on her to journal her life, but living in a small town there are no records, and since my grandmother is 94 not many of her peers are around any longer to give testimony on her life. But what is most tragic, is that my grandmother suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Although we have not had her diagnosed medically, the symptoms are clear. It can be somewhat heartbreaking at times.
She forgets my name, she calls me Anthony which is my brothers name. And after telling her my name, she feigns a remembrance but within 10 minutes my name is forgotten again. She knows that I’m studying, and since the one week I’ve been back, she has asked me how much longer I have to study and if I’m going away again to study at least 30-40 times, she’ll repeat the same set of questions every 10 minutes. She’ll also keep trying to offer me food which I reject, and brings it to me too. I hate to see her strain her frail and gradually weakening body to get me food, so I try to discourage her from getting me food and saying that I’ve already eaten, but in the next 10 minutes she forgets and does it again. She can’t even read anymore, a favourite past time of hers, because she no longer remembers what happens after she puts her book down, this makes her not able to enjoy television either. She can string basic sentences together, but if attempting anything more, she tends to stutter something incomprehensible. Most days all she can do is sit and wait for time to pass, time for Jesus to come and take her home again,
I try not to think about this because I get sad when I dwell on it, I can only begin to wonder what goes on in her mind. I know I love my grandmother, but sometimes it can be so hard to be patient with her and not get frustrated and all the time I wish I could help her get better or not be bored. I question why she has lived such a great life and been reduced to such an anticlimactic fate, I wish her mind was sharp and we could have conversations, I wish she was strong and could still participate in normal activities of life. I wish that she could remember my name. But we all grow old, don’t we? And I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I know Jesus has a great reward stored up for her in heaven when she will never forget anything. And most of all, I know that I will keep loving my grandmother until the day she dies and beyond.
Because once, I didn’t know her name, but she knew mine,
And whenever I was hungry, without asking her, she would feed me,
Whenever I had a question, she would answer it,
Whenever I was in need of help, she would give me a hand,
And whenever I needed prayer, she was there already kneeling and crying out to God.
I owe her much more than just filial duty, I owe her so much of her love that she poured out into me… and when she needs my help, I will not get frustrated and try my best to repay her while I can. I love my grandmother.
“Yet He loved us, while we were still yet sinners”
I love more, because I was first loved most.
My grandmother is one of the people I admire most. She was born in China, went to a missionary-run school as a teenager, and caught a boat to someplace called Sitiawan with a friend and her friend’s uncle for God knows what reason. She was never married, she adopted my mother from my blood grandmother because my mother was the 8th child. My blood grandmother could not afford another baby and couldn’t do anything but give her away, but she could do even less to prevent a pregnancy because of a lack of contraception in those days. Those were the days where you would work 40-60 hour weeks and count yourself lucky if you had meat on your plate twice a week.
My grandmother was also a pastor of a church that survives even until today, and in those days, where gender equality was unheard of, a female pastor was probably even more so a peculiar sight. She is still referred to as Nguriengan which is a sign of respect by many people. She also provided many people refuge with her as they hid in makeshift huts in the jungle during the Japanese invasion and occupation. I still remember as a small child, she would always come and tuck me into bed, she would read me a Bible story and pray for me before I go to bed. She would take care of me when my mother got sick and tired of my naughtiness.
I would love to write a book on her to journal her life, but living in a small town there are no records, and since my grandmother is 94 not many of her peers are around any longer to give testimony on her life. But what is most tragic, is that my grandmother suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease. Although we have not had her diagnosed medically, the symptoms are clear. It can be somewhat heartbreaking at times.
She forgets my name, she calls me Anthony which is my brothers name. And after telling her my name, she feigns a remembrance but within 10 minutes my name is forgotten again. She knows that I’m studying, and since the one week I’ve been back, she has asked me how much longer I have to study and if I’m going away again to study at least 30-40 times, she’ll repeat the same set of questions every 10 minutes. She’ll also keep trying to offer me food which I reject, and brings it to me too. I hate to see her strain her frail and gradually weakening body to get me food, so I try to discourage her from getting me food and saying that I’ve already eaten, but in the next 10 minutes she forgets and does it again. She can’t even read anymore, a favourite past time of hers, because she no longer remembers what happens after she puts her book down, this makes her not able to enjoy television either. She can string basic sentences together, but if attempting anything more, she tends to stutter something incomprehensible. Most days all she can do is sit and wait for time to pass, time for Jesus to come and take her home again,
I try not to think about this because I get sad when I dwell on it, I can only begin to wonder what goes on in her mind. I know I love my grandmother, but sometimes it can be so hard to be patient with her and not get frustrated and all the time I wish I could help her get better or not be bored. I question why she has lived such a great life and been reduced to such an anticlimactic fate, I wish her mind was sharp and we could have conversations, I wish she was strong and could still participate in normal activities of life. I wish that she could remember my name. But we all grow old, don’t we? And I know I have a lot to be thankful for. I know Jesus has a great reward stored up for her in heaven when she will never forget anything. And most of all, I know that I will keep loving my grandmother until the day she dies and beyond.
Because once, I didn’t know her name, but she knew mine,
And whenever I was hungry, without asking her, she would feed me,
Whenever I had a question, she would answer it,
Whenever I was in need of help, she would give me a hand,
And whenever I needed prayer, she was there already kneeling and crying out to God.
I owe her much more than just filial duty, I owe her so much of her love that she poured out into me… and when she needs my help, I will not get frustrated and try my best to repay her while I can. I love my grandmother.
“Yet He loved us, while we were still yet sinners”
I love more, because I was first loved most.
I’m sitting in my dad’s car right now, they came to pick me up and it’s a straight 3 hour drive till I’m back in Sitiawan. The flight itself wasn’t too bad, only mild turbulence here and there but like I said, nothing too bad. The movies were great, I got to see 3 movies, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Bewitched, and Bob the Butler, all 3 were pretty good but I’m not much of a critic.
Got a buzzy bee for Caleb, because every kiwi kid needs to have a buzzy bee, it was expensive but I thought that it was the least that an uncle could do, that is spoil his niece/nephew. Got some nice jewellery for Kaitlyn, I hope she likes it, I feel bad missing her birthday but I’m hoping that’s not how kids think and they are more forgiving than adults. In about 2.5 hours I will find out.
Met Ben and Lakshmi in the airport before we took off. Met and had a quick chat with Ben on the plane before the flight attendant told us to bugger off because we were near the emergency hatch and he was worried we were terrorists and going to release while flying at 40000 feet above sea level. Bet I could’ve found more people I knew on the plane if I tried but I wasn’t feeling too sociable, much happier reading my gaming magazine and watching movies. Fell in and out of sleep, but was mostly awake for the flight. Have to thank Abigail Ann Rutland for taking me to the airport and being so awesome, if you ever read this, thanks!
Abby asked me today, isn’t it hard living two different lives? Frankly, yes it is. I’m not living completely different lives, I’m just living separate lives. I said that just because you’re at one point of your life doesn’t mean you should ignore the past. Malaysia is and will always be home to me in some way, althought NZ is becoming home too. That is why when we were going out I absolutely wanted her to come to Malaysia to see this side of me. I wasn’t going to get into any serious relationship without them knowing the “whole package.” At the same time, I guess once you know me in my capacity in Malaysia and New Zealand, you will have gained so much more of my trust because you know where I come from, and can probably understand me better.
How do I feel right now? Disjointed I guess. Familiar smells, views and sights are like a smack in the face. I’m still on the highway but I’ve seen the typical Malaysian terrace shops and already felt the grit in the air sticking onto me like metal to a magnet. I can never believe how far we can travel in one day nowadays. Kinda suspicious that it’s just like the Truman Show and I’m just sitting in a pod while all the workers are changing the scene for me. I’m hungry…. I can never really eat on airplanes, I end up getting sick. I don’t like the air in planes, it’s not natural. We’re going to stop on the way home for a bite to eat.
Tomorrow we will continue the tradition that always occurs when I get back to Malaysia. In the morning, I will follow my family out for breakfast to eat the local delicacy, “kono mee” or “kampuang mein” or just black sauce noodles. Then I’ll hang around until it’s time to start daily bball sessions at church, normally around 5-5.30. And probably be busy for the rest of the week saying hello to old, but constant friends. Times have changed, but still so many things remain the same. It’s comforting to have my parents in the front seat again just like when I was little. Thanking God for airconditioning, and feeling sorta hungry.
I’m home.
Got a buzzy bee for Caleb, because every kiwi kid needs to have a buzzy bee, it was expensive but I thought that it was the least that an uncle could do, that is spoil his niece/nephew. Got some nice jewellery for Kaitlyn, I hope she likes it, I feel bad missing her birthday but I’m hoping that’s not how kids think and they are more forgiving than adults. In about 2.5 hours I will find out.
Met Ben and Lakshmi in the airport before we took off. Met and had a quick chat with Ben on the plane before the flight attendant told us to bugger off because we were near the emergency hatch and he was worried we were terrorists and going to release while flying at 40000 feet above sea level. Bet I could’ve found more people I knew on the plane if I tried but I wasn’t feeling too sociable, much happier reading my gaming magazine and watching movies. Fell in and out of sleep, but was mostly awake for the flight. Have to thank Abigail Ann Rutland for taking me to the airport and being so awesome, if you ever read this, thanks!
Abby asked me today, isn’t it hard living two different lives? Frankly, yes it is. I’m not living completely different lives, I’m just living separate lives. I said that just because you’re at one point of your life doesn’t mean you should ignore the past. Malaysia is and will always be home to me in some way, althought NZ is becoming home too. That is why when we were going out I absolutely wanted her to come to Malaysia to see this side of me. I wasn’t going to get into any serious relationship without them knowing the “whole package.” At the same time, I guess once you know me in my capacity in Malaysia and New Zealand, you will have gained so much more of my trust because you know where I come from, and can probably understand me better.
How do I feel right now? Disjointed I guess. Familiar smells, views and sights are like a smack in the face. I’m still on the highway but I’ve seen the typical Malaysian terrace shops and already felt the grit in the air sticking onto me like metal to a magnet. I can never believe how far we can travel in one day nowadays. Kinda suspicious that it’s just like the Truman Show and I’m just sitting in a pod while all the workers are changing the scene for me. I’m hungry…. I can never really eat on airplanes, I end up getting sick. I don’t like the air in planes, it’s not natural. We’re going to stop on the way home for a bite to eat.
Tomorrow we will continue the tradition that always occurs when I get back to Malaysia. In the morning, I will follow my family out for breakfast to eat the local delicacy, “kono mee” or “kampuang mein” or just black sauce noodles. Then I’ll hang around until it’s time to start daily bball sessions at church, normally around 5-5.30. And probably be busy for the rest of the week saying hello to old, but constant friends. Times have changed, but still so many things remain the same. It’s comforting to have my parents in the front seat again just like when I was little. Thanking God for airconditioning, and feeling sorta hungry.
I’m home.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Time : 1.48AM 29/11/05
Place: Home, as always.
Event: Coming home (wherever that is)
He sits there. Having spent the last 2 hours entertaining his friends and as the last one left the door, it starts to sink in.
"Wow, I can't believe it's that time of year again" he thinks to himself.
He isn't over the moon yet neither is he reluctant to go, he just feels... conflicted. So full of emotion yet neither one overtaking the other and leaving him just smack dab in the centre which makes him confused about whether he actually cares whether he's going or not? But deep down he knows he does care, but right now it is a dead stalemate and he knows that in the next few days, both sides will boast victories and losses over each other, leaving him in the rollercoaster ride.
He has had his life change at least twice on this day on prior occasions, both times for the worse (or so it seemed). Twice he had a girlfriend the day before and by the time he stepped onto the plane, for all intensive purposes, he was single. But he was never one to linger on such thoughts, "it's all for the best, it always is" he thought.
This was Catalyst Day, the day where everything changed. And like everyone else, he was afraid of change. Yet change brought the most growth and produces maturity, and yet maturity was something he thought he had yet lacked at the same time. It was what everyone wanted and what everyone hated, "what a contradiction" he thought, but this wasn't new to him, the world was a contradiction unto itself anyways.
Yet, he was single this year, having already beat the plane so that didn't bother him. He had a lot of things going on for him, friends to spend time with, something that he rarely got to do on more than a superficial level while he was studying; computer games to finish, music to write, and oh, that book he borrowed and had yet to finish.
Yet it wasn't all bad, he knew that he only got to see his family once or twice a year, and that he was missing out on his niece's and nephew's childhood. And it was always the last time that he thought he would see his grandmother, a 94 year old tender thing that was strong as an ox but yet senile as a mule. It usually was the other way round with elderlys. He would visit her as much as he could while the opportunity was still available, it was the least he could do. He knew he would once again understand what it would be like to have a family, something he would forget living alone sometimes.
He would miss his freedom, to do things whenever they needed to be done, yet he would appreciate having other people pay for dinner, or driving him around. The economist in him knew all the advantages and disadvantages, but the realist in him knew that in the end it was all equally balanced and in fact, it really didn't matter anyways. Home was where the heart was, and there were pieces lying around both in New Zealand and Malaysia.
"Ah well, there isn't any time to sit and ponder anymore, it was 2.23am now, and the plane would leave in about 12 hours. A smile or a tear could wait, he needed to go through and make sure he had packed all he needed for the next 3 months of change."
Change My Heart O God,
Make It Ever True
Change My Heart O God,
May I Be Like You
I'm coming home
Place: Home, as always.
Event: Coming home (wherever that is)
He sits there. Having spent the last 2 hours entertaining his friends and as the last one left the door, it starts to sink in.
"Wow, I can't believe it's that time of year again" he thinks to himself.
He isn't over the moon yet neither is he reluctant to go, he just feels... conflicted. So full of emotion yet neither one overtaking the other and leaving him just smack dab in the centre which makes him confused about whether he actually cares whether he's going or not? But deep down he knows he does care, but right now it is a dead stalemate and he knows that in the next few days, both sides will boast victories and losses over each other, leaving him in the rollercoaster ride.
He has had his life change at least twice on this day on prior occasions, both times for the worse (or so it seemed). Twice he had a girlfriend the day before and by the time he stepped onto the plane, for all intensive purposes, he was single. But he was never one to linger on such thoughts, "it's all for the best, it always is" he thought.
This was Catalyst Day, the day where everything changed. And like everyone else, he was afraid of change. Yet change brought the most growth and produces maturity, and yet maturity was something he thought he had yet lacked at the same time. It was what everyone wanted and what everyone hated, "what a contradiction" he thought, but this wasn't new to him, the world was a contradiction unto itself anyways.
Yet, he was single this year, having already beat the plane so that didn't bother him. He had a lot of things going on for him, friends to spend time with, something that he rarely got to do on more than a superficial level while he was studying; computer games to finish, music to write, and oh, that book he borrowed and had yet to finish.
Yet it wasn't all bad, he knew that he only got to see his family once or twice a year, and that he was missing out on his niece's and nephew's childhood. And it was always the last time that he thought he would see his grandmother, a 94 year old tender thing that was strong as an ox but yet senile as a mule. It usually was the other way round with elderlys. He would visit her as much as he could while the opportunity was still available, it was the least he could do. He knew he would once again understand what it would be like to have a family, something he would forget living alone sometimes.
He would miss his freedom, to do things whenever they needed to be done, yet he would appreciate having other people pay for dinner, or driving him around. The economist in him knew all the advantages and disadvantages, but the realist in him knew that in the end it was all equally balanced and in fact, it really didn't matter anyways. Home was where the heart was, and there were pieces lying around both in New Zealand and Malaysia.
"Ah well, there isn't any time to sit and ponder anymore, it was 2.23am now, and the plane would leave in about 12 hours. A smile or a tear could wait, he needed to go through and make sure he had packed all he needed for the next 3 months of change."
Change My Heart O God,
Make It Ever True
Change My Heart O God,
May I Be Like You
I'm coming home
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Old girl-winner quote: "I love beautiful sunsets by the beach"
Thank goodness these crabs tasted better than they looked (jk, we don't eat local wildlife.. much!)
A nice swimming pool for the 'tamer' ones who're afraid of swimming with the crabs, fishes, man-eating walruses, poisonous sea rats, explosive jellyfish etc etc
Very picturesque and soothing, especially when there's a gentle seabreeze. 
But the most valuable? Good times with good friends of course!! :)
The day before my criminal law exam, I've been dreaming of home. I come from a small little town close to the sea in Perak, tropical Malaysia. So small and so little, yet such a big part of me.
It is something that I'm quite used to and think nothing of living in a small tropical town but I could imagine it being a whole different world to others out there. I think I could still possibly be a 'kampung boy (village boy)' through and through, I'm quite proud of it really. I have always been proud to be HockChiew/FooChow, a Christian, and to be from Sitiawan.
I've always wanted to show some of my New Zealand friends this part of me, but none of them have made the effort to visit me yet (I was especially disappointed when my ex-gf didn't want to come, but it does cost a bit). But that doesn't stop me from spamming you guys with pictures!
The little jewel in my backyard, Pulau Pangkor. Very small, very secret, but some of the best coral reefs and beautiful beaches!
http://www.pulau-pangkor.com/
And where I'm going to spend a considerable amount of time in Malaysia, Marina Cove. Lovely little beach and great fun for a game of beach volleyball, or a swim in the pool, or catching the crabs and fish in the sea, or lazing around getting a tan (not that you want one in malaysia, it's much better to look fair in malaysia), or watching the packs of monkeys that come to the seaside, or just enjoying a nice dinner at the japanese restaurant. Sigh... dreaming of home...
http://www.cuti.com.my/hotel/info.php3?id=1804&hotel=Sherwood+Marina+Cove+Lumut
Back in paradise in a month's time.... Can't wait :)
It is something that I'm quite used to and think nothing of living in a small tropical town but I could imagine it being a whole different world to others out there. I think I could still possibly be a 'kampung boy (village boy)' through and through, I'm quite proud of it really. I have always been proud to be HockChiew/FooChow, a Christian, and to be from Sitiawan.
I've always wanted to show some of my New Zealand friends this part of me, but none of them have made the effort to visit me yet (I was especially disappointed when my ex-gf didn't want to come, but it does cost a bit). But that doesn't stop me from spamming you guys with pictures!
The little jewel in my backyard, Pulau Pangkor. Very small, very secret, but some of the best coral reefs and beautiful beaches!
http://www.pulau-pangkor.com/
And where I'm going to spend a considerable amount of time in Malaysia, Marina Cove. Lovely little beach and great fun for a game of beach volleyball, or a swim in the pool, or catching the crabs and fish in the sea, or lazing around getting a tan (not that you want one in malaysia, it's much better to look fair in malaysia), or watching the packs of monkeys that come to the seaside, or just enjoying a nice dinner at the japanese restaurant. Sigh... dreaming of home...
http://www.cuti.com.my/hotel/info.php3?id=1804&hotel=Sherwood+Marina+Cove+Lumut
Back in paradise in a month's time.... Can't wait :)
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Don't worry about my last post, I think it's just because I spent the whole day trying to figure out something that I don't really understand. I'm just frustrated and kicking myself for not understanding it. I think most of you guys would be the same when reading about the interpretation of exclusion/exemption clauses in law. I'll be ok.
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land, that I heard of once,
In a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams
That you dare to dream
Really do come true
Some day, I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Way up above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me
I know somewhere over the rainbow
The blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land, that I heard of once,
In a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams
That you dare to dream
Really do come true
Some day, I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Way up above the chimney tops
Thats where you'll find me
I know somewhere over the rainbow
The blue birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I
I think I'm about to crack, there's only so much information a person can handle, and it's come to the point where I'm questioning my ability to learn, I fear I might've lost my ability to learn!
Coz I understand it, but then when I bring my mind to it again, I can't recall it.
There's so much to know, and so little time to know it all in. Have I reached my limit? I've only studied for 2 out of my 4 exams, I haven't even thought about the other 2 yet. If you ever want a subject that will test your mental robustness and push you to the edge of your sanity, law is for you. Now I'm starting to really regret doing 4 Law Papers instead of the normal prescribed 2.
I have to take this systematically, not worry about the ones in future, focus on the current ones, concentrate, but honestly, i'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Is this challenge too much for me to handle? I get to thinking that maybe I've never come across a challenge before in my life, and when I come to a small challenge, I start to crack. I dunno, is four law exams a challenge? I need to prove that I have what it takes to stand up against challenges in life. If I fail in achieving my goals, I let my whakapapa (genealogy - I could be the only one in my generation of my family to graduate from a University), my parents, my friends, and mostly I'm afraid of letting myself down. I MUST PASS these exams, this storm will come to an end, the effort that you sow you will reap. A little sanity sacrificed is worth the end result, so I tell myself. And I hope I'm right.
~Thinking Schizophrenically.
How's this for a quote? Morals are only good so when you go crazy you don't go on a maniacal killing spree. Because when your mind is gone, your morals still linger. Wow am I in need of psychological attention? I'm not known for being unstable, normally I'm the logical one. Hopefully it'll go away.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but at least I'm honest.
Coz I understand it, but then when I bring my mind to it again, I can't recall it.
There's so much to know, and so little time to know it all in. Have I reached my limit? I've only studied for 2 out of my 4 exams, I haven't even thought about the other 2 yet. If you ever want a subject that will test your mental robustness and push you to the edge of your sanity, law is for you. Now I'm starting to really regret doing 4 Law Papers instead of the normal prescribed 2.
I have to take this systematically, not worry about the ones in future, focus on the current ones, concentrate, but honestly, i'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed. Is this challenge too much for me to handle? I get to thinking that maybe I've never come across a challenge before in my life, and when I come to a small challenge, I start to crack. I dunno, is four law exams a challenge? I need to prove that I have what it takes to stand up against challenges in life. If I fail in achieving my goals, I let my whakapapa (genealogy - I could be the only one in my generation of my family to graduate from a University), my parents, my friends, and mostly I'm afraid of letting myself down. I MUST PASS these exams, this storm will come to an end, the effort that you sow you will reap. A little sanity sacrificed is worth the end result, so I tell myself. And I hope I'm right.
~Thinking Schizophrenically.
How's this for a quote? Morals are only good so when you go crazy you don't go on a maniacal killing spree. Because when your mind is gone, your morals still linger. Wow am I in need of psychological attention? I'm not known for being unstable, normally I'm the logical one. Hopefully it'll go away.
I'm not perfect, far from it, but at least I'm honest.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
It's a week till my exams but I'm already dreaming of all the things I'm going to be doing during the holidays, some of these include:
i) Going out to Cornwall park with everyone, having a BBQ and spending the day playing sport like Ultimate Frisbee, Touch Rugby and a little soccer.
ii) Going out to Red Castle or going onto BNet to play DOTA till the wee hours of the morning (weee!)
iii) Spending a day out at the beach playing beach volleyball, having a nice swim in the sea, getting myself a much needed tan!
iv) Endless hours on the guitar and piano *grin*
v) Trying to complete a few songs and maybe getting my CD out!
vi) Catching up on PS2 and PC gaming *deserve a different thread than DOTA*
vii) Spending time with friends, new and old alike. Must play games like Cranium, Charades *grin*, etc etc
viii) NOT STUDYING *YAY*
xi) Carolling and Musical when I get back to Malaysia
x) Going out to the apartments by the beach and having some beach fun there too!
xi) Eating all the malaysian food!!! *Drool*
xii) Playing bball at church everyday
xiii) Getting some reading done
xiv) Going on a road trip with some buddies in malaysia
xv) Oooh voice lessons (my dad's friend is apparently a vocal trainer)
xvi) Did I mention the GOOD EATING in malaysia?!?!
xvii) and NOT STUDYING?!?
Well, that's mostly what I have planned, i'm sure there'll be many spontaneous unplanned events that happen and I'll try to keep u up to date, but right now... study... :(
Why wait for time?
i) Going out to Cornwall park with everyone, having a BBQ and spending the day playing sport like Ultimate Frisbee, Touch Rugby and a little soccer.
ii) Going out to Red Castle or going onto BNet to play DOTA till the wee hours of the morning (weee!)
iii) Spending a day out at the beach playing beach volleyball, having a nice swim in the sea, getting myself a much needed tan!
iv) Endless hours on the guitar and piano *grin*
v) Trying to complete a few songs and maybe getting my CD out!
vi) Catching up on PS2 and PC gaming *deserve a different thread than DOTA*
vii) Spending time with friends, new and old alike. Must play games like Cranium, Charades *grin*, etc etc
viii) NOT STUDYING *YAY*
xi) Carolling and Musical when I get back to Malaysia
x) Going out to the apartments by the beach and having some beach fun there too!
xi) Eating all the malaysian food!!! *Drool*
xii) Playing bball at church everyday
xiii) Getting some reading done
xiv) Going on a road trip with some buddies in malaysia
xv) Oooh voice lessons (my dad's friend is apparently a vocal trainer)
xvi) Did I mention the GOOD EATING in malaysia?!?!
xvii) and NOT STUDYING?!?
Well, that's mostly what I have planned, i'm sure there'll be many spontaneous unplanned events that happen and I'll try to keep u up to date, but right now... study... :(
Why wait for time?
Sunday, October 23, 2005
To Christ I cling,
In everything,
From Him nothing I hide,
In God my secrets confide,
My refuge and my tower,
He alone my source of power,
When hurt, or down,
Finds me out and I am found,
Restoreth daily my soul,
His favor, my only goal,
Though sin and fall, I often do,
Forgiven at the Cross through and through,
So thanks to You, My Saviour King
To Christ I'll cling,
In everything.
My heart is lonely but I know I need no one else but You.
Still I wait for her.
In everything,
From Him nothing I hide,
In God my secrets confide,
My refuge and my tower,
He alone my source of power,
When hurt, or down,
Finds me out and I am found,
Restoreth daily my soul,
His favor, my only goal,
Though sin and fall, I often do,
Forgiven at the Cross through and through,
So thanks to You, My Saviour King
To Christ I'll cling,
In everything.
My heart is lonely but I know I need no one else but You.
Still I wait for her.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Heya, just a quick thought popped into my mind so I'd like to share it with you guys I think it was a pretty nifty thought process.
Len brought up a question just yesterday about which was the greatest attributes to have, hope, faith, love (and a few others). I screamed out my favourite answer "love" as always, but I knew it was backed up by scripture.
1st Corinthians 13:13 says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
But i've been thinking about it somemore with relation to God. And it's true, love is the greatest, v8-11 talks about how prophecies may cease, tongues may be stilled and stuff. But love is the greatest among them.
And isn't that true?
If God believed faith was the greatest, He would've had faith that we humans could make our way back to Him on our own.
If God believed hope was the greatest, He would've hoped that we would somehow make it back to Him.
Thankfully He believed LOVE was the greatest, and John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
For me personally, that meant a lot to me, sometimes people think I'm a fool for believing in that true love and I get a little down because I think that myself too sometimes. But hey, what I believe in may not be here yet, or it may not be the right time, but what I believe in faith will come to pass, for I believe in the greatest attribute of them all. And you know why?
I left out the beginning of verse 8. You want to know what it says? 1 Corinthians 13:8 "Love never fails." *smile*
Len brought up a question just yesterday about which was the greatest attributes to have, hope, faith, love (and a few others). I screamed out my favourite answer "love" as always, but I knew it was backed up by scripture.
1st Corinthians 13:13 says "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
But i've been thinking about it somemore with relation to God. And it's true, love is the greatest, v8-11 talks about how prophecies may cease, tongues may be stilled and stuff. But love is the greatest among them.
And isn't that true?
If God believed faith was the greatest, He would've had faith that we humans could make our way back to Him on our own.
If God believed hope was the greatest, He would've hoped that we would somehow make it back to Him.
Thankfully He believed LOVE was the greatest, and John 3:16 says that "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
For me personally, that meant a lot to me, sometimes people think I'm a fool for believing in that true love and I get a little down because I think that myself too sometimes. But hey, what I believe in may not be here yet, or it may not be the right time, but what I believe in faith will come to pass, for I believe in the greatest attribute of them all. And you know why?
I left out the beginning of verse 8. You want to know what it says? 1 Corinthians 13:8 "Love never fails." *smile*
Rosita is the new NZ Idol! She was always one of my favourites to win, although not my favouristist of all, I thought Nik Carlson should've been a better popstar but oh well. As you may know I've been writing weekly reviews of NZ Idol for Xtramsn.co.nz and I just handed in my last report! Yay! It feels good, i almost didn't accept the job because I didn't want to have too many obligations (1 obligation was considered too many hehe) but i guess that's part of growing up. The stronger you are, the more responsibility you have to take, so I'm glad I stuck to my obligations, proves to myself that I am somewhat responsible.
The inner deep of my heart,
I must choose to ignore,
because now is neither perfect time,
Or place, all circumstances flawed,
I know it best, meddle not with Cupid's bow,
So until seasons change, please let me my secret keep,
And perhaps one day I will let you know,
That your love is everything I want and wish to seek,
That is my heart's true inner deep.
The inner deep of my heart,
I must choose to ignore,
because now is neither perfect time,
Or place, all circumstances flawed,
I know it best, meddle not with Cupid's bow,
So until seasons change, please let me my secret keep,
And perhaps one day I will let you know,
That your love is everything I want and wish to seek,
That is my heart's true inner deep.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Came across some really powerful writing recently:
Think it's called "Tired of it all"
I'm not afraid to love, and thus I cannot be afraid to lose,
But even glass smashed to dust cannot be repaired,
Every man can only walk so many miles, every cat can have only so many lives.
I hate how it feels, how i want you to know but I can't tell you
these words that are in my heart.
I hide them because I am torn between two realities, both seemingly without you,
So maybe I prefer to bide my time in this fantasy.
I'm scared, because everytime I open up my heart all I get in return are flattered rejections,
And I'm tired of it.
I know I shouldn't feel this, maybe it's not right, maybe all i need to do is grow up.
But I am a man of passion, yet i have tried to tame it over and over again,
But the fire's already a blaze, it just needs someone to enjoy the warmth.
Before it engulfs me and the flame is extinguished forever.
Perhaps that is what you were, what you are, and what you will always be, never to be more than,
The object of my affections.
I'm tired of trying to facade my way to you,
Of putting up this front that hides the real me from you
Because all it does is reveal to you something that I'm not,
And hiding is always the easier way out.
I'll come around, I always do, I'll do the right thing and tell you my feelings,
And spend the next few months piecing my heart back together again.
Everytime that happens, I'm a little weaker, and a little lesser stronger,
and I'm tired of it all.
Think it's called "Tired of it all"
I'm not afraid to love, and thus I cannot be afraid to lose,
But even glass smashed to dust cannot be repaired,
Every man can only walk so many miles, every cat can have only so many lives.
I hate how it feels, how i want you to know but I can't tell you
these words that are in my heart.
I hide them because I am torn between two realities, both seemingly without you,
So maybe I prefer to bide my time in this fantasy.
I'm scared, because everytime I open up my heart all I get in return are flattered rejections,
And I'm tired of it.
I know I shouldn't feel this, maybe it's not right, maybe all i need to do is grow up.
But I am a man of passion, yet i have tried to tame it over and over again,
But the fire's already a blaze, it just needs someone to enjoy the warmth.
Before it engulfs me and the flame is extinguished forever.
Perhaps that is what you were, what you are, and what you will always be, never to be more than,
The object of my affections.
I'm tired of trying to facade my way to you,
Of putting up this front that hides the real me from you
Because all it does is reveal to you something that I'm not,
And hiding is always the easier way out.
I'll come around, I always do, I'll do the right thing and tell you my feelings,
And spend the next few months piecing my heart back together again.
Everytime that happens, I'm a little weaker, and a little lesser stronger,
and I'm tired of it all.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Wow, i'm not really one to indulge in a bit of self-loathing but i feel it is well deserved today. Today is another day where I totally wasted the whole day when I could have spent it studying. I woke up at 11am, rechecked my email every 15 minutes, blogged every couple of hours, studying the careful movements of Free-runners in videos, after which it is time to check my email again. So in fact I have managed to waste the whole day, and only started studying at 11pm, it only took me 12 hours to start studying.
I hate myself when I have days like these.
However, I did go to the shooting of So You Wanna Be A Popstar with my good mate Cameron Forlong coz he won two free tickets. And we got 2nd row seats and got a good look at all the Stars. That's the second shooting I've been to in a relatively short time period. Last time I got shoved right to the side, but this time I was right up front. I think I'm certain to get my "handsome" face on TV so watch channel 2 7.30 Wednesday to see yours truly! The recording itself wasn't as smooth as NZ Idol, but then it was much more complex. The dancing girls were VA-VA-VOOM.
But yeah, back to self-loathing.. where was i? I still hate myself at this moment for not having the discipline to study. So I'm turning to drastic measures, I'm now never going on MSN on my laptop again, in fact I'm disabling my wireless network adapter on my laptop. So goodbye cruel internet world, I shall see you on the other side! :) Good things take sacrifices. But I'll still try and blog every couple of days. Prayers for my studies and exams are muchly appreciated!
I hate myself when I have days like these.
However, I did go to the shooting of So You Wanna Be A Popstar with my good mate Cameron Forlong coz he won two free tickets. And we got 2nd row seats and got a good look at all the Stars. That's the second shooting I've been to in a relatively short time period. Last time I got shoved right to the side, but this time I was right up front. I think I'm certain to get my "handsome" face on TV so watch channel 2 7.30 Wednesday to see yours truly! The recording itself wasn't as smooth as NZ Idol, but then it was much more complex. The dancing girls were VA-VA-VOOM.
But yeah, back to self-loathing.. where was i? I still hate myself at this moment for not having the discipline to study. So I'm turning to drastic measures, I'm now never going on MSN on my laptop again, in fact I'm disabling my wireless network adapter on my laptop. So goodbye cruel internet world, I shall see you on the other side! :) Good things take sacrifices. But I'll still try and blog every couple of days. Prayers for my studies and exams are muchly appreciated!
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
I saw this video on http://www.youtube.com, and I couldn't help but feel joy and a strange sense of happiness. I can't say anything except watching this for the first time was just magical.
The guy in the video is Matt Harding (http://www.wherethehellismatt.com) and he quit his job in Australia as a computer programmer to drit around the world recording videos of him dancing. He's not rich, he's just like you and me, except he's pursuing his dream. Enjoy (I know you will)!
The worldless native sounding music raises our desire to return to our natural roots, where nothing is complicated and spurs our human natural desire, that is to see more, to know more, and to understand more. It touches some innate desire so deep within us that we can't just help but smile.
I think one of the most joyful msgs this video communicates is that no matter where the human spirit is, it is indominable and free-spirited. Humans, no matter where we are, in India, Asia, Europe or America, aren't that different, we're all just trying to do our best with the cards given to us in life. The fact that the guy is dancing in his own way which would normally be laughed at (and is) wouldn't be seen as embracing the normal values of gracefulness or dexterity invokes a feeling that says "Go man, do your own thing!"
At the same time, I think part of our soul loves to celebrate the idea that a man who is sick of his monotonous life can give up his job and all his responsibilities and just see the world for what it is and do what he wants to do, which is something we people trapped in our boxed worlds can't appreciate very often so we enjoy living vicariously through him. We truly only get one childhood, one youth, one chance, one life, so cherish it. And then no matter what we look like, where we are, that we are all different, but yet we are in so many ways much more similiar and the differences seem so minute when you look at it. Celebrate life.Dance like no one's watching.
The guy in the video is Matt Harding (http://www.wherethehellismatt.com) and he quit his job in Australia as a computer programmer to drit around the world recording videos of him dancing. He's not rich, he's just like you and me, except he's pursuing his dream. Enjoy (I know you will)!
The worldless native sounding music raises our desire to return to our natural roots, where nothing is complicated and spurs our human natural desire, that is to see more, to know more, and to understand more. It touches some innate desire so deep within us that we can't just help but smile.
I think one of the most joyful msgs this video communicates is that no matter where the human spirit is, it is indominable and free-spirited. Humans, no matter where we are, in India, Asia, Europe or America, aren't that different, we're all just trying to do our best with the cards given to us in life. The fact that the guy is dancing in his own way which would normally be laughed at (and is) wouldn't be seen as embracing the normal values of gracefulness or dexterity invokes a feeling that says "Go man, do your own thing!"
At the same time, I think part of our soul loves to celebrate the idea that a man who is sick of his monotonous life can give up his job and all his responsibilities and just see the world for what it is and do what he wants to do, which is something we people trapped in our boxed worlds can't appreciate very often so we enjoy living vicariously through him. We truly only get one childhood, one youth, one chance, one life, so cherish it. And then no matter what we look like, where we are, that we are all different, but yet we are in so many ways much more similiar and the differences seem so minute when you look at it. Celebrate life.Dance like no one's watching.
Took another test, i think i answer 60 questions (awful waste of time) so IT MUST BE TRUE (sarcasm).. But i do think that it does reflect how I think of myself... Except turning into the Man Next Door if I fail to find a love by the time I'm 30... I'm scared! :P
Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: dekiwi |
Sunday, October 09, 2005
They say that dreams are a window into the deepest depths of the human mind, so I'm gonna write this one down before I forget it, and maybe someone can give me a meaning to it? It's rather grim.. first time I've ever dreamed of it, so here goes.
Well, all i remember about my dream was that it was in malaysia, it was at night, and I was with some friends and we were going back to one of their places to hang out. And while we were walking around some 10 storey apartments, my eyes picked up a silhouette around the 10 floor of a guy standing on the ledge of his balcony, i looked at him and he looked at me. I wasn't sure what to think at this point, maybe he was going to jump, maybe he was just standing there and enjoying the night breeze and view. But my friend noticed him then too, and shouted "don't jump!!" upon which he took a few steps...... and jumped.
It was quick, it was quiet, until we heard the sickening thud. It didn't give the person any justice to the life he had lived up till now.
He wasn't moving at all, we ran to a nearby restaurant and told them what had happened and they called the police. After this, I just remember standing around and trying to process what had just happened. And then we continued on to our friends place and we passed the place where he had jumped. He was still lying on the floor, with a growing pool of blood around him. I don't remember much else after that.
Even though it was just a dream, it was really shocking to see him actually jump and hit the floor. Just goes to show that dreams can and do affect us. Quite scary really. Anyone want to try and figure out what any of that means?
Well, all i remember about my dream was that it was in malaysia, it was at night, and I was with some friends and we were going back to one of their places to hang out. And while we were walking around some 10 storey apartments, my eyes picked up a silhouette around the 10 floor of a guy standing on the ledge of his balcony, i looked at him and he looked at me. I wasn't sure what to think at this point, maybe he was going to jump, maybe he was just standing there and enjoying the night breeze and view. But my friend noticed him then too, and shouted "don't jump!!" upon which he took a few steps...... and jumped.
It was quick, it was quiet, until we heard the sickening thud. It didn't give the person any justice to the life he had lived up till now.
He wasn't moving at all, we ran to a nearby restaurant and told them what had happened and they called the police. After this, I just remember standing around and trying to process what had just happened. And then we continued on to our friends place and we passed the place where he had jumped. He was still lying on the floor, with a growing pool of blood around him. I don't remember much else after that.
Even though it was just a dream, it was really shocking to see him actually jump and hit the floor. Just goes to show that dreams can and do affect us. Quite scary really. Anyone want to try and figure out what any of that means?
Just got shown a movie from www.nintendogs.com and man, I really want one of those!! They look so cute~~~ Go see for yourself, and then buy me a Nintendo DS with nintendogs!! :P
Things I want for Christmas
1.A Nintendo DS + Nintendogs
2.Ipod Nano
3.World peace (can't have a wishlist without wishing for world peace)
Sweet lyrics I heard as I was browsing through my songlists. It's a song of surrender to God, when we are weak and can do nothing, God will be our strength and do everything.. if we let him have the authority.
Proverbs 3:5 says Lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him, Then He will make your paths straight. God, I pray that you will step into my life even when I think what I'm doing is right but it isn't what You wish for me.
This is "Take My Life" from Third Day.
How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it once more.
Chorus:
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus
Things I want for Christmas
1.A Nintendo DS + Nintendogs
2.Ipod Nano
3.World peace (can't have a wishlist without wishing for world peace)
Sweet lyrics I heard as I was browsing through my songlists. It's a song of surrender to God, when we are weak and can do nothing, God will be our strength and do everything.. if we let him have the authority.
Proverbs 3:5 says Lean not on your own understanding, In all your ways acknowledge him, Then He will make your paths straight. God, I pray that you will step into my life even when I think what I'm doing is right but it isn't what You wish for me.
This is "Take My Life" from Third Day.
How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it once more.
Chorus:
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus
Friday, October 07, 2005
Don't kids say the darndest things sometimes?
Here's what my cousin's daughter (my niece 1st removed I guess) said when she went to ballet lessons, she's only 3 i think! This is an extract taken from my sister's blog (yes I do have a sister!) from http://chiwigal.blogspot.com!
Teacher: Now girls.... let us all pretend to be butterflies.. so flap your wings and fly like a butterfly...
(Kelly, my cousin's daughter, and Kaitlyn (my niece) standing in the middle while everyone else is flying like butterflies, round and round the room)
Teacher: (to Kelly and Kaitlyn) Don't you girls wanna fly like butterflies??
Silence....
Teacher: Ok... you girls don't want to be butterflies, well then.. (turning to Kelly) what would you like to be?
Kelly: Worm
Yep, kids do really say the darndest things. Unless Kelly is the world's youngest breakdancer and actually wants to do the worm, which would be cool too! :)
Here's what my cousin's daughter (my niece 1st removed I guess) said when she went to ballet lessons, she's only 3 i think! This is an extract taken from my sister's blog (yes I do have a sister!) from http://chiwigal.blogspot.com!
Teacher: Now girls.... let us all pretend to be butterflies.. so flap your wings and fly like a butterfly...
(Kelly, my cousin's daughter, and Kaitlyn (my niece) standing in the middle while everyone else is flying like butterflies, round and round the room)
Teacher: (to Kelly and Kaitlyn) Don't you girls wanna fly like butterflies??
Silence....
Teacher: Ok... you girls don't want to be butterflies, well then.. (turning to Kelly) what would you like to be?
Kelly: Worm
Yep, kids do really say the darndest things. Unless Kelly is the world's youngest breakdancer and actually wants to do the worm, which would be cool too! :)
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Sometimes it can be a drag to always have internal conflicts, but right now's one of the times I really feel grateful to always be struggling on the inside. Hey, it may not show right now, and sometimes I feel I haven't changed whatsoever, but it's the little things that change, Rome wasn't built in a day, and even if you don't see it, trust me, you ARE making progress, and you will see the benefits one day. Just as a rolling stone gathers no moss, keep rolling on with life and being all that you can be!
Just a quick thought and jotting down of my feelings.. Retards of Ruapehu 2 is deviously in production in the far recesses of my sinister mind *grin*!
"Beautiful Lord, Wonderful savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plans
You gently called me into your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through your eyes
I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray
Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand"
-- Edit: I found this while surfing again... lol, it doesn't get much better than this! How long can you hold it?! This could entertain certain people I know for days.. :P HoldTheButton.com
I must admit I only held the button for a measly 14.84 seconds before I realised I should be studying and that this was a mega mega mega MEGA waste of time! Not to mention utterly stupid :P But enjoy! I wanna see you guys post how long YOU can hold the button! Who knows? You could even break the record!
Just a quick thought and jotting down of my feelings.. Retards of Ruapehu 2 is deviously in production in the far recesses of my sinister mind *grin*!
"Beautiful Lord, Wonderful savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plans
You gently called me into your presence
Guiding me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through your eyes
I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're drawing me to yourself
lead me, Lord. I pray
Oh Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand"
-- Edit: I found this while surfing again... lol, it doesn't get much better than this! How long can you hold it?! This could entertain certain people I know for days.. :P HoldTheButton.com
I must admit I only held the button for a measly 14.84 seconds before I realised I should be studying and that this was a mega mega mega MEGA waste of time! Not to mention utterly stupid :P But enjoy! I wanna see you guys post how long YOU can hold the button! Who knows? You could even break the record!
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Hey today I thought I'd do something really different and maybe perhaps even amusing (gasp! Charles? amusing? no way!!) and put up some photos of the Mt Ruapehu trip, we went to the Turoa slopes and had a whole lot of fun! I'll be putting these up as a set of pictures that tell a story, so I'll apologise for the millions and millions of photos that are going up (they shlda never let me know about posting photos *grin*).. I call it "Retards Of Ruapehu: On Ice" and am currently in negotiation with Peter Jackson to make it as a sequel to LoTR. Enjoy!!
Somewhere in a faraway and mysterious land called the Shire, New Zealand...
Somewhere in a faraway and mysterious land called the Shire, New Zealand...
[There were three hobbitses looking for my p-p-p-precious] Golum, u're supposed to be dead! Remember, falling into Mt Doom and all? [Oh true, *evaporates into thin air*] Uhm.. anyways.. these hobbits were called Chris, Sam and Amos. And they embarked on a great quest to find and successfully ski/snowboard Mt Mood (spell that one backwards)!
They perused the parchment trusted upon them by their wise friend that would direct them upon their treacherous journey (notice how the map is upside down... there's a twist). That wise friend was called...
The Yellow Retarded Wizard, the Great Gancharles!! (And ohhh boy do I look retarded in that photo...)
And so... after boosting a Van from the mean streets of Mangere.. I mean, procuring a mechanised chariot from Lady OhImSoPretty, they began their journey, not knowing what lay ahead. There were many days of singing hobbit folksongs like Bohemian Rhapsody, and I Would Walk 500 Miles, not to mention the anthem All I Want For Christmas is My Hairy-Foot Shaver®. And all was well until..
They fought and killed the dreaded sea monster (a giant sea cucumber by the looks of it!) of the Lake of Holeinone...
After which they proceeded to have a quick game of golf!
But ever focused on their journey, they then trudgingly kept on their exhausting and dangerous journey (hey! haven't we seen that photo before?)
When they finally got there, they were disappointed by what they saw, Mt Doom was not all they had hoped it would but. But ever persistant, with the hopes of all OCF'ers on their shoulders, they continued their quest to conquer the dangerous mountains.. with much limited success..
After discovering that it did matter which side you read a map from, they then reoriented themselves towards the mountains. (*YAWN* same photo again....)
They passed the Forrests of Fartgorn (sorry just couldn't resist)....
And when they were just about at the end of their spirits (not alcohol, doh, pun!), they sighted far off in the distance a long white cloud which eventually turned out to be a mountain, they had finally reached the feet of the domineering Mt Mood! Woo!
Ok well that was Chapter One.. I'll continue it on sometime if I ever feel inspired again, and knowing how often I blog these days, it won't be too long :) Stay tuned! Because next episode we get to the action scenes, and of special mention is the foreign impressive army of Saucer numbering in the thousands called sheepzors or something like that.. You can see a sneak preview in this photo!
But here's a less retarded photo of me (phew) and I was near the summit, never got there because of bad weather. But it was still pretty high up!
Today's a rainy downcast day again and I've been stuck at home studying, reading, and lying in bed. Not a bad day to be doing those things, but I found out how to post photo's on my blog now, yay! So I thought i'd post a couple pictures I took from the Bay of Islands. Photography is one of my many interests, it's a great challenge trying to capture as much beauty as you can in one photo, but God's creation is so awesome coz you can never capture the full beauty of it all in a picture... and in a way I'm glad.
God is so creative and His creation so marvellous that it could never be caught in a photo, it can never replace the feeling of just being there. Just the same, we could never expect to understand God because if we could, He wouldn't be God now would He?
But anyways, enjoy the photos, in my mind I'm already on that boat fishing the day away and catching some huge snapper! :) Oh and eating all the oysters at the same time, JUST LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM *drool*
When one has so much to offer, but no one can see it, does he actually offer something at all or is he fooling himself?
Think about it :)
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
Think about it :)
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
Friday, September 30, 2005
I don’t need to be anything other than a prison guard’s son
I don’t need to be anything other than a specialist’s son
I don’t have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I’m going is knowing where I’m coming from
(Chorus)
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
I don’t need to be anything other than a specialist’s son
I don’t have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I’m going is knowing where I’m coming from
(Chorus)
I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I’m tired of looking ‘round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me
I make a vow
My life will always honour you
Whether I live or die
I belong to Him
He bore my sin
I owe this life to my saving King
Hallelujah, I am not my own
You are in control
Hallelujah
For me to live is christ
And to die is gain
No matter what price i pay
I choose to give this life away
Only by the cross I am saved
How great are those lyrics?? Just awesome, I thank God, the real big daddy of love! ;)You're love is something I could never achieve, and I can only try to repay some of it and to show the love You gave me to others in my life.
My life will always honour you
Whether I live or die
I belong to Him
He bore my sin
I owe this life to my saving King
Hallelujah, I am not my own
You are in control
Hallelujah
For me to live is christ
And to die is gain
No matter what price i pay
I choose to give this life away
Only by the cross I am saved
How great are those lyrics?? Just awesome, I thank God, the real big daddy of love! ;)You're love is something I could never achieve, and I can only try to repay some of it and to show the love You gave me to others in my life.
| Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating |
 You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility. |
| Your World View |
You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you. |
| Your Brain's Pattern |
 Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent. You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored. You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts. And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be. |
Your Seduction Style: Au Natural |
 You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism. You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you? You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you. |
Agree? Disagree? Think you're at the wrong blog?? Feel free to leave comments!! :)
Yes I know I took the easy way out and just put up test results again, but hey just like good animes (like Naruto) you need fillers between the good parts to catch your breath!
But being the hopeless romantic fogey I am, i've been examining what love means to me. Love is something that should grow naturally and out of getting to know each other and the building up of trust and respect for each other and helping each other grow that will amount to a connection. It is the idea that out there in this huge world and how screwed/unique we are, there is ONE person that you were just meant to be with. You may say I have a high expectation of love, well, I do, but yet I think that by having this high expectation, it will end up being everything and MORE. You may call me naive, but once I meet that other person who believes in love as much as I do, we'll see who's smiling on the other side. :)
I want to be in love all of my life and beyond that with the person I do choose to fall in love with. I don't want to love because I need love, but because that person is worth loving. But what I'd value in a relationship most is commitment, because when you have a relationship between two really committed people, I think almost anything is surmountable. Life can seem so lonely and you may feel that you never know what's going to happen sometimes, but it'd be nice to know that someone will stick by you no matter what and go on that journey of life with you. Here's hoping I find that someone someday! :)
Men have died for love, God sent His son to die out of love, yep, love is truly something.
"Once you've found that lover,
You're homeward bound,
Love is all around,
Love is all around"
~Better Man by Robbie Williams
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Hey I thought i'd pop in by and just let everyone know what's going on in my mind these days. It's not great reading nor is it ever going to be made into a movie, but it's my life and hopefully some of you are interested!
Well it's the 29th of September, and in about a months time it will be exams!! Grar shock horror the bane of my life! Well I'm even more stressed than I normally am because this year I did the 'smartest' (sarcasm) thing of my life to take 4 law papers instead of the usual prescribed 2. My intentions were to catch up with the rest of my friends who made it before me so I could be in their classes in future, I don't know whether that was the best move or not, but I've chosen my path and I have to walk it to the end.
These exams basically encompass everything we've learnt throughout the whole year. And being in law, that can cover everything from psychopathic criminals to things that you're supposed to snort up your nose to prevent influenza (Carlill v Carbolic Smoke Ball Company [1893] 1 QB 256). And I'm feeling the pressure.
I've been less slack this year than I was last year, but at the same time I'm still behind. My natural intelligence has reached its limits and I find myself having to work to succeed, which is a lesson i should've learnt a long time ago. It's not like Economics which comes easily to me, or Accounting which consists of problems which you can solve once you know the formula. Law requires a broad base of knowledge and although some of it is common sense, you still need to spend the time to find references from past cases (called precedent) to back it up. Not to mention the hours you spend reading cases and understanding the concepts that have been written up by wise men who probably smell like cheese (sadly I might end up like one of them). So I think I really have to study, and study hard.
I have to fight this laziness inside of me, which seems to have overtly overtaken me and I've only come to realise how inactive I can be sometimes. Oh I'm always doing something, but it's always something that I enjoy, and not something that I need to do. If everyone was like me, then human race would be extinct in...... oh about 3 days because no one would work. I need to change that side of me and I have been trying to. Laziness seems like an attitude that people like to adopt because everyone else says it and so 'if everyone's doing it, it must be ok' but I need to change that kind of thinking in myself. Some people also say doing what you enjoy is no wrong and if you don't enjoy reading cases then you shouldn't be doing law, but I say that a balance needs to be struck. If that were so, people wouldn't go to see their kids recitals and watch tele at home, some things just need to be done, and for me right now, that's study.
So thus, I find myself destroying the social life that I built up throughout the year. And my wipe begins again, I go back to Malaysia, and when I come back next year I have to start my friendships almost from scratch again. But that's been my defining characteristic and how I've gotten to know so many cool people out there in the world. I adapt, and I'll survive. But it would be nice to come back knowing that someone will be waiting for you, oh well... one day..
But in all these complexities of the world (that's only scratched the surface), I think it's good that we acknowledge that life isn't always about smiles and having everything sorted out. I'm not the happy-go-lucky guy you think I am huh? :) Well, I am, because in all these things I know that God is in control and He knows everything and He can do anything, and guess what? He loves me! And to everyone who I've just exposed my weaknesses to, I hope you respect me more instead of criticising my weakness, because face it, we all aren't perfect, and I'm still a work in progress, and I know you guys are too and I love you all for it. I guess the most important thing is that we always remain an ACTIVE work in progress and accept each other for what we are. :)
Life isn't always easy
Complexities surround me
Sometimes it's not clear to see
Evidence of your majesty
But I am hanging on
To the one
Who gives me life
But I am hanging on
To the one
Who gives me life
Wow, that's one long and complicated blog. It's probably been the most truthful blog I've written in a long time, in a world where even our true selves aren't allowed to be all that true. I'm making a resolution to study hardout till exams, then maybe I can head out into the sunlight and smell the roses again :)
Blog ya later~
~I want to know you,
Yet I don't, because I'm afraid what I know won't be true,
I want you to know me,
Yet I don't, because I'm scared you won't like what you see,
But yet, if we would just accept ourselves and each other
We can build each other up
Then maybe we could really be who we were meant to be.
Well it's the 29th of September, and in about a months time it will be exams!! Grar shock horror the bane of my life! Well I'm even more stressed than I normally am because this year I did the 'smartest' (sarcasm) thing of my life to take 4 law papers instead of the usual prescribed 2. My intentions were to catch up with the rest of my friends who made it before me so I could be in their classes in future, I don't know whether that was the best move or not, but I've chosen my path and I have to walk it to the end.
These exams basically encompass everything we've learnt throughout the whole year. And being in law, that can cover everything from psychopathic criminals to things that you're supposed to snort up your nose to prevent influenza (Carlill v Carbolic Smoke Ball Company [1893] 1 QB 256). And I'm feeling the pressure.
I've been less slack this year than I was last year, but at the same time I'm still behind. My natural intelligence has reached its limits and I find myself having to work to succeed, which is a lesson i should've learnt a long time ago. It's not like Economics which comes easily to me, or Accounting which consists of problems which you can solve once you know the formula. Law requires a broad base of knowledge and although some of it is common sense, you still need to spend the time to find references from past cases (called precedent) to back it up. Not to mention the hours you spend reading cases and understanding the concepts that have been written up by wise men who probably smell like cheese (sadly I might end up like one of them). So I think I really have to study, and study hard.
I have to fight this laziness inside of me, which seems to have overtly overtaken me and I've only come to realise how inactive I can be sometimes. Oh I'm always doing something, but it's always something that I enjoy, and not something that I need to do. If everyone was like me, then human race would be extinct in...... oh about 3 days because no one would work. I need to change that side of me and I have been trying to. Laziness seems like an attitude that people like to adopt because everyone else says it and so 'if everyone's doing it, it must be ok' but I need to change that kind of thinking in myself. Some people also say doing what you enjoy is no wrong and if you don't enjoy reading cases then you shouldn't be doing law, but I say that a balance needs to be struck. If that were so, people wouldn't go to see their kids recitals and watch tele at home, some things just need to be done, and for me right now, that's study.
So thus, I find myself destroying the social life that I built up throughout the year. And my wipe begins again, I go back to Malaysia, and when I come back next year I have to start my friendships almost from scratch again. But that's been my defining characteristic and how I've gotten to know so many cool people out there in the world. I adapt, and I'll survive. But it would be nice to come back knowing that someone will be waiting for you, oh well... one day..
But in all these complexities of the world (that's only scratched the surface), I think it's good that we acknowledge that life isn't always about smiles and having everything sorted out. I'm not the happy-go-lucky guy you think I am huh? :) Well, I am, because in all these things I know that God is in control and He knows everything and He can do anything, and guess what? He loves me! And to everyone who I've just exposed my weaknesses to, I hope you respect me more instead of criticising my weakness, because face it, we all aren't perfect, and I'm still a work in progress, and I know you guys are too and I love you all for it. I guess the most important thing is that we always remain an ACTIVE work in progress and accept each other for what we are. :)
Life isn't always easy
Complexities surround me
Sometimes it's not clear to see
Evidence of your majesty
But I am hanging on
To the one
Who gives me life
But I am hanging on
To the one
Who gives me life
Wow, that's one long and complicated blog. It's probably been the most truthful blog I've written in a long time, in a world where even our true selves aren't allowed to be all that true. I'm making a resolution to study hardout till exams, then maybe I can head out into the sunlight and smell the roses again :)
Blog ya later~
~I want to know you,
Yet I don't, because I'm afraid what I know won't be true,
I want you to know me,
Yet I don't, because I'm scared you won't like what you see,
But yet, if we would just accept ourselves and each other
We can build each other up
Then maybe we could really be who we were meant to be.
Monday, September 26, 2005
If only you'd see under the rust you'd see that there's gold,
If only you'd see through the sea you'd see the fish,
If only you'd read past the cover you'd find the full story
And if only you'd see through my face you'd find the real me.
But you only look and you compare,
And although there's plenty much nicer,
But no one as true or as heartfelt as me,
Who cares for you truly and deeply and wants you to be
The best person you could ever possibly be
But you might never find out because you only looked
And don't yet see....
I dunno what you call that, but it's what I feel. I guess it reminds us that everything is like an ogre... or an onion.. because they have layers. And nothing is ever as simple as it looks. Just like God can peel through the layers and get straight to the heart of the issue to give us what we NEED, not want; we need to try to peel through some of those layers.
In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart"
We are by no means God, but I believe that God understands how to truly judge a man's actions, after all, HE MADE US, and we should try our best to follow in His example by looking past the flesh into the heart, by pulling apart the strongholds in our lives, by peeling away at those layers. Then maybe we could discover what God really has in store for us.
~I thank you for being in my life, even if only for a brief moment, because every smile and laugh we had made my day. Who knows, one day I hope you'll see the gold beneath the rust :)
If only you'd see through the sea you'd see the fish,
If only you'd read past the cover you'd find the full story
And if only you'd see through my face you'd find the real me.
But you only look and you compare,
And although there's plenty much nicer,
But no one as true or as heartfelt as me,
Who cares for you truly and deeply and wants you to be
The best person you could ever possibly be
But you might never find out because you only looked
And don't yet see....
I dunno what you call that, but it's what I feel. I guess it reminds us that everything is like an ogre... or an onion.. because they have layers. And nothing is ever as simple as it looks. Just like God can peel through the layers and get straight to the heart of the issue to give us what we NEED, not want; we need to try to peel through some of those layers.
In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart"
We are by no means God, but I believe that God understands how to truly judge a man's actions, after all, HE MADE US, and we should try our best to follow in His example by looking past the flesh into the heart, by pulling apart the strongholds in our lives, by peeling away at those layers. Then maybe we could discover what God really has in store for us.
~I thank you for being in my life, even if only for a brief moment, because every smile and laugh we had made my day. Who knows, one day I hope you'll see the gold beneath the rust :)
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Just a little song I wrote when my ex gf broke up with me, I was feeling really low, but I knew that God would bring me through it, that even though I was feeling like no one listened to my cries, God always does and He offers the encouragement and love to get through anything. So be comforted :)
While I Sleep
How could this be? Am I still here?
Someone touch me please, I cannot feel
This pain I can't bear anymore
A broken heart inside my core
But i can't lose hope
I'm not that weak
I try but who listens to my cries while I sleep
I thought I was the man I'd be
But nothing changed inside of me
The games we played were all in vain
I can't see out, no I see no gain
But I won't lose hope
I'm not that weak
I try but who listens to my cries while I sleep
Someday I know I will be no more
But I can't lose hope
no not this way
For every flower that dies
Will be replaced by a seed sometime
For every heart that's broke in two
There'll be another I promise you
So don't lose hope
You're not that weak
You cry, and I'll listen to your cries while you sleep.
While I Sleep
How could this be? Am I still here?
Someone touch me please, I cannot feel
This pain I can't bear anymore
A broken heart inside my core
But i can't lose hope
I'm not that weak
I try but who listens to my cries while I sleep
I thought I was the man I'd be
But nothing changed inside of me
The games we played were all in vain
I can't see out, no I see no gain
But I won't lose hope
I'm not that weak
I try but who listens to my cries while I sleep
Someday I know I will be no more
But I can't lose hope
no not this way
For every flower that dies
Will be replaced by a seed sometime
For every heart that's broke in two
There'll be another I promise you
So don't lose hope
You're not that weak
You cry, and I'll listen to your cries while you sleep.
Hello! Just came in to check up on the ol' blog, make sure it didn't evolve into something with legs and 3 eyes while i was away, but here it sits, like an ever faithful companion. Sniff, reminds me of my dog CJ before we had to eat *cough* uhh I mean give him away.
But anyways, HIYA!!! Allow me to welcome you to my blog if i haven't already done so, and to thank you for coming to read up on the vida loca that is my life.
It's the first day back from holidays, and I'm already exhausted. University is a challenge but some of the compulsory subjects are such a bore I just blank out sometimes. Had a pretty harsh day to start out with, 4 hours of lectures and one tutorial to sit through. But the good thing is there is only 6 weeks left of uni to go...... until exams that is.. sigh :P
But the holidays were jam packed of fun again, as always. I do feel a little guilty because I hardly had anytime for God, but I will have to do something about that next time I guess.
Things I got up to during the holidays : snowboarding on Turoa, saving Keith from himself (actually he got hurt falling on some rocks while snowboarding), did the KAC dance for the KAC ball (a whole lotta fun), spent time with my bro and his gf coz they were up in NZ for a while (great times), went fishing in the bay of islands, went to a couple friend's 21sts, went ice skating, saved Yen from himself (he fell while iceskating, sigh I seem to attract injury), had many numerous nights of DOTA, went to Waiwera Thermal pools, and ate an enormous amount of food. Yep, all in two weeks, it's been hectic i tell u!
Something that deserves special mention are the oysters in the Bay of Islands, they were the size of my hand!! I have never eaten ones that large before and I probably never will again (until I go to Bay of Islands again of course *grin*)
But yeah that's it, I will update more with much deeper thoughts soon (I hope), till then, blog ya later!
But yeah,
But anyways, HIYA!!! Allow me to welcome you to my blog if i haven't already done so, and to thank you for coming to read up on the vida loca that is my life.
It's the first day back from holidays, and I'm already exhausted. University is a challenge but some of the compulsory subjects are such a bore I just blank out sometimes. Had a pretty harsh day to start out with, 4 hours of lectures and one tutorial to sit through. But the good thing is there is only 6 weeks left of uni to go...... until exams that is.. sigh :P
But the holidays were jam packed of fun again, as always. I do feel a little guilty because I hardly had anytime for God, but I will have to do something about that next time I guess.
Things I got up to during the holidays : snowboarding on Turoa, saving Keith from himself (actually he got hurt falling on some rocks while snowboarding), did the KAC dance for the KAC ball (a whole lotta fun), spent time with my bro and his gf coz they were up in NZ for a while (great times), went fishing in the bay of islands, went to a couple friend's 21sts, went ice skating, saved Yen from himself (he fell while iceskating, sigh I seem to attract injury), had many numerous nights of DOTA, went to Waiwera Thermal pools, and ate an enormous amount of food. Yep, all in two weeks, it's been hectic i tell u!
Something that deserves special mention are the oysters in the Bay of Islands, they were the size of my hand!! I have never eaten ones that large before and I probably never will again (until I go to Bay of Islands again of course *grin*)
But yeah that's it, I will update more with much deeper thoughts soon (I hope), till then, blog ya later!
But yeah,
Saturday, August 13, 2005
I just saw an MTV and thought it was worth sharing coz it meant a little something to me.
It's called "Why Go" by Faithless and I can only explain what happens as best as I can with words but it goes a little something like this. It's about this girl who can't stop dancing! it starts off with her dancing in a club (nothing unusual there!) but as she leaves the club she dances through the exit (not so weird) but as she walks back home she just keeps dancing (energizer bunny has nothing against this girl!) even when she brushes her teeth, sleeps (yes sleep-dancing!) and wakes up. She does this on the streets, on the railway, on the lift at work, at work, and gets tons of dirty stares from people that say "what are you doing???" you prolly know what i'm talking about. But anyway, that doesn't stop her and she just keeps dancing to her own tune and can't care less what everybody else thinks. And throughout all this, everyone else is acting really bland and normal.
She keeps dancing (as you guessed!) on the way back from work and while going down the escalator. You suddenly see this guy going up the escalator who's dancing as wild as her, and TA-DAH their eyes meet. And then, you see them at a formal dinner dancing! and they even make love dancing (alluded to, no nudity!), and get married, and have kids that dance! Definately the most romantic Techno song I've ever seen! hehe.
But yeah, it was really funny and yet really strangely encouraging at the same time. We all have our own different music that we dance to in life, and you don't have to comply to the World, and we go through life until we meet someone else that dances to that same tune, and it doesn't have to be every girl you see. So i guess what the MTV is saying is that you shouldn't put on a show to impress girls/guys, just be who you are, there's no need to change to impress anyone else, and until you find that other person that sings your song/dances to your tune, just keep enjoying life and keep rocking! :D I think that everyone has their own song, and everyone their own beat, just find that one that matches yours! Try and see this video if you can download it, my words don't do it justice.
Think you can watch it at http://de.music.yahoo.com/musicvideos/lists/byalpha.asp?l=f&p=1
It's called "Why Go" by Faithless and I can only explain what happens as best as I can with words but it goes a little something like this. It's about this girl who can't stop dancing! it starts off with her dancing in a club (nothing unusual there!) but as she leaves the club she dances through the exit (not so weird) but as she walks back home she just keeps dancing (energizer bunny has nothing against this girl!) even when she brushes her teeth, sleeps (yes sleep-dancing!) and wakes up. She does this on the streets, on the railway, on the lift at work, at work, and gets tons of dirty stares from people that say "what are you doing???" you prolly know what i'm talking about. But anyway, that doesn't stop her and she just keeps dancing to her own tune and can't care less what everybody else thinks. And throughout all this, everyone else is acting really bland and normal.
She keeps dancing (as you guessed!) on the way back from work and while going down the escalator. You suddenly see this guy going up the escalator who's dancing as wild as her, and TA-DAH their eyes meet. And then, you see them at a formal dinner dancing! and they even make love dancing (alluded to, no nudity!), and get married, and have kids that dance! Definately the most romantic Techno song I've ever seen! hehe.
But yeah, it was really funny and yet really strangely encouraging at the same time. We all have our own different music that we dance to in life, and you don't have to comply to the World, and we go through life until we meet someone else that dances to that same tune, and it doesn't have to be every girl you see. So i guess what the MTV is saying is that you shouldn't put on a show to impress girls/guys, just be who you are, there's no need to change to impress anyone else, and until you find that other person that sings your song/dances to your tune, just keep enjoying life and keep rocking! :D I think that everyone has their own song, and everyone their own beat, just find that one that matches yours! Try and see this video if you can download it, my words don't do it justice.
Think you can watch it at http://de.music.yahoo.com/musicvideos/lists/byalpha.asp?l=f&p=1
Friday, August 05, 2005
To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet.
- Charles Caleb Colton
Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
- Dag Hammarskjold
The most I ever did for you was to outlive you. But that is much.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Theres nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt.
- Jhonen Vasquez
There is absolutely no point in sitting around and feeling sorry for youself. The great power you have is to let go ... focus on what you have, no that which has been mean or unkindly removed.
- Minnie Driver
To transform the emptiness of loneliness, to the fullness of aloneness. Ah, that is the secret of life.
- Sunita Khosla
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.
- Vincent van Gogh
When Christ said: "I was hungry and you fed me," he didn't mean only the hunger for bread and for food; he also meant the hunger to be loved. Jesus himself experienced this loneliness. He came amongst his own and his own received him not, and it hurt him then and it has kept on hurting him. The same hunger, the same loneliness, the same having no one to be accepted by and to be loved and wanted by. Every human being in that case resembles Christ in his loneliness; and that is the hardest part, that's real hunger.
- Mother Teresa
There are times in ones life where one must face adversity in the form of loneliness. Be wise to know that this is not forever, it is only but for a moment, a stage for you to find out what you are really made of. And maybe it can be said that there is no complete victory and that some fear of oneself will always remain, but even within the darkest moment, there is hope. I choose to face these moments and not to let them overtake me because God is my strength and my portion forever.
Create and appreciate happy lasting memories of your family, friends and special ones because in moments like these, they are all that accompany you in the darkest of hours.
When you think that all you do is worth nothing, that all your endeavours are a gust in the wind, that you have no one to live for, remember that to God you were worth everything, and you prolly mean a lot more to your friends than you think.
-Charles Ling
- Charles Caleb Colton
Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
- Dag Hammarskjold
The most I ever did for you was to outlive you. But that is much.
- Edna St. Vincent Millay
Theres nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt.
- Jhonen Vasquez
There is absolutely no point in sitting around and feeling sorry for youself. The great power you have is to let go ... focus on what you have, no that which has been mean or unkindly removed.
- Minnie Driver
To transform the emptiness of loneliness, to the fullness of aloneness. Ah, that is the secret of life.
- Sunita Khosla
One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it.
- Vincent van Gogh
When Christ said: "I was hungry and you fed me," he didn't mean only the hunger for bread and for food; he also meant the hunger to be loved. Jesus himself experienced this loneliness. He came amongst his own and his own received him not, and it hurt him then and it has kept on hurting him. The same hunger, the same loneliness, the same having no one to be accepted by and to be loved and wanted by. Every human being in that case resembles Christ in his loneliness; and that is the hardest part, that's real hunger.
- Mother Teresa
There are times in ones life where one must face adversity in the form of loneliness. Be wise to know that this is not forever, it is only but for a moment, a stage for you to find out what you are really made of. And maybe it can be said that there is no complete victory and that some fear of oneself will always remain, but even within the darkest moment, there is hope. I choose to face these moments and not to let them overtake me because God is my strength and my portion forever.
Create and appreciate happy lasting memories of your family, friends and special ones because in moments like these, they are all that accompany you in the darkest of hours.
When you think that all you do is worth nothing, that all your endeavours are a gust in the wind, that you have no one to live for, remember that to God you were worth everything, and you prolly mean a lot more to your friends than you think.
-Charles Ling
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Ok thought I'd pop in for a post because God deserves all the glory for saving my butt this week :D Thank you God!
Alright my cutesy little bum has been saved 3 times this week but I'll just put down the two coolest little ones down coz I need to catch some shuteye soon.
Alright scenario 1 (and it did really happen) me and my mate Daniel were coming home one morning after having a guys night out with the boys and so he was crashing at my place as per usual after such occasions. And on such occasions he would normally park in the visitors carpark right beside my apartment, but tonight he asked "Charlie (yeah he calls me that, definately not a term of endearment i can tell u that *takes some anti-homosexual mouthspray*) should I park in front of your garage? Ok normally my car would be in that spot because the Jagster would be in the garage and my car would be outside of the garage, but it was away at the mechanics for repairs (I didn't crash it, just routine repairs so take that smirk off ur face :P)! And so i agreed, but the next morning when I woke up, I found out that all the cars at the visitor carpark were broken into and had stuff stolen, and Dan's car which is only 5 meters away from there hadn't been broken into. Thank You God, You're awesome moment #1!
Thank You God, You're awesome moment #2 happened today. I lost my wallet, but managed to find it for lunch time at the place i sat in class, weird I thought, this kinda stuff doesn't normally happen to me. Turns out that there is a hole in my pocket the size of Denmark (well.. ok my pants aren't THAT big). So I lost it again, which really sucked because here i was living alone, and losing my wallet would mean I would've had to start searching telephone booths for coins for dinner :P But actually thank God just yesterday I had just gone shopping and bought enough groceries to last the next ice age, but still i was a little angry/sad/worried/sick/tired (woah that's a lotta emotions) but I remembered really quick that God had brought me through such things before. And so I prayed to God "You've done awesomer things in my life before, I'm trusting You" and went on with my day. Small miracle number 2, i usually keep my bus card in my wallet straight after i get on the bus to go to uni, but today i was feeling lazy (mayb coz i was sick) and my bus card was in my other pocket (with no hole thankfully!) and it had one last bus ride on it, so I could get home! Ok, so I reach home after university, and then I'm going to call James my friend for some money while I'm wallet-less, and lo and behold, there is a voicemail on my cell phone from James saying that my auntie has my wallet! LOL. Well my wallet has my drivers license in it which has my old address (i shld really tell them that I moved) which is 29A Winstone Road, and it turns out that my auntie through some circumstances moved to 29 Winstone Road (the house in front). So.. it turns out he was walking around 29A, and she asked him what he was doing, and he showed her my wallet!! Haha and so I went to pick it up and it's sitting here right in front of my monitor now. My trust in pockets has been severely misplaced. Pockets are overrated (especially Hole-y pockets, haha bad joke I know).
So yeah.. if that made sense, congratulations you should be a lawyer. But really really Thank You God, You're awesome! :) I know my faith in You is not misplaced and I stepped out in faith and trust You and You came through for me! Thank You for your 101 miracles and giving me my wallet back. You really do work in strange and mysterious ways! :)
Alright my cutesy little bum has been saved 3 times this week but I'll just put down the two coolest little ones down coz I need to catch some shuteye soon.
Alright scenario 1 (and it did really happen) me and my mate Daniel were coming home one morning after having a guys night out with the boys and so he was crashing at my place as per usual after such occasions. And on such occasions he would normally park in the visitors carpark right beside my apartment, but tonight he asked "Charlie (yeah he calls me that, definately not a term of endearment i can tell u that *takes some anti-homosexual mouthspray*) should I park in front of your garage? Ok normally my car would be in that spot because the Jagster would be in the garage and my car would be outside of the garage, but it was away at the mechanics for repairs (I didn't crash it, just routine repairs so take that smirk off ur face :P)! And so i agreed, but the next morning when I woke up, I found out that all the cars at the visitor carpark were broken into and had stuff stolen, and Dan's car which is only 5 meters away from there hadn't been broken into. Thank You God, You're awesome moment #1!
Thank You God, You're awesome moment #2 happened today. I lost my wallet, but managed to find it for lunch time at the place i sat in class, weird I thought, this kinda stuff doesn't normally happen to me. Turns out that there is a hole in my pocket the size of Denmark (well.. ok my pants aren't THAT big). So I lost it again, which really sucked because here i was living alone, and losing my wallet would mean I would've had to start searching telephone booths for coins for dinner :P But actually thank God just yesterday I had just gone shopping and bought enough groceries to last the next ice age, but still i was a little angry/sad/worried/sick/tired (woah that's a lotta emotions) but I remembered really quick that God had brought me through such things before. And so I prayed to God "You've done awesomer things in my life before, I'm trusting You" and went on with my day. Small miracle number 2, i usually keep my bus card in my wallet straight after i get on the bus to go to uni, but today i was feeling lazy (mayb coz i was sick) and my bus card was in my other pocket (with no hole thankfully!) and it had one last bus ride on it, so I could get home! Ok, so I reach home after university, and then I'm going to call James my friend for some money while I'm wallet-less, and lo and behold, there is a voicemail on my cell phone from James saying that my auntie has my wallet! LOL. Well my wallet has my drivers license in it which has my old address (i shld really tell them that I moved) which is 29A Winstone Road, and it turns out that my auntie through some circumstances moved to 29 Winstone Road (the house in front). So.. it turns out he was walking around 29A, and she asked him what he was doing, and he showed her my wallet!! Haha and so I went to pick it up and it's sitting here right in front of my monitor now. My trust in pockets has been severely misplaced. Pockets are overrated (especially Hole-y pockets, haha bad joke I know).
So yeah.. if that made sense, congratulations you should be a lawyer. But really really Thank You God, You're awesome! :) I know my faith in You is not misplaced and I stepped out in faith and trust You and You came through for me! Thank You for your 101 miracles and giving me my wallet back. You really do work in strange and mysterious ways! :)
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Hm....... What should I blog today?? Well, sent the car in for repairs, which are costing me (my dad actually :P) 380 NZD!! Won't be getting it back till Friday I think so now I actually have to walk places, ugh!
Looked in the mirror today and have noticed I'm losing my tummy (in a good way, not to flesh eating bacteria)! All that exercise is slowly paying off! Yay! Although I'll dread heading back to Malaysia and ruining all that work and becoming fat again! :( But I'm not too fussed about what I look like, and the Malaysian food (Char Kueh Teaw, Satay and etc etc) is SOOO WORTH IT! :)
Ok... time for EMBARASSING AUSTRALIAN MOMENT story time :) Ooh boy I'm gonna regret typing this down I'll tell you that. Well one of the nights Hang Yuan and Co took me to this Indian place called Bizmi which does Roti Canai and stuff, and wow I pigged out sooooo badly on all the curries and biryani rices and etc (can't get good stuff like that in NZ) and.... the next day I had diarhoea! and i mean BAD diarhoea, wouldn't have been too bad if we had stayed at home, but that was the last day I was in Australia and so we decided to visit the Great Ocean Road and see the 12 apostles (only 8 left i heard! they were still twelve when i visited). And it was a longgggg (and I mean longgggg) drive. I had to make numerous pitstops, and once we were in the middle of nowhere and driving, and I had an attack.. And let's just say I gave back to the Outback for taking me in (make sense?)! Which is why I say I left a part of me in Australia (no more 'leaving pregnant girls in Oz' rumours ok??). Lol there I said it, gonna go and hide myself in shame now. Anyways, plenty more stories coming up in future updates.
Blog ya later
Tip: Do not eat massive amounts of curry the day before a big trip!
Looked in the mirror today and have noticed I'm losing my tummy (in a good way, not to flesh eating bacteria)! All that exercise is slowly paying off! Yay! Although I'll dread heading back to Malaysia and ruining all that work and becoming fat again! :( But I'm not too fussed about what I look like, and the Malaysian food (Char Kueh Teaw, Satay and etc etc) is SOOO WORTH IT! :)
Ok... time for EMBARASSING AUSTRALIAN MOMENT story time :) Ooh boy I'm gonna regret typing this down I'll tell you that. Well one of the nights Hang Yuan and Co took me to this Indian place called Bizmi which does Roti Canai and stuff, and wow I pigged out sooooo badly on all the curries and biryani rices and etc (can't get good stuff like that in NZ) and.... the next day I had diarhoea! and i mean BAD diarhoea, wouldn't have been too bad if we had stayed at home, but that was the last day I was in Australia and so we decided to visit the Great Ocean Road and see the 12 apostles (only 8 left i heard! they were still twelve when i visited). And it was a longgggg (and I mean longgggg) drive. I had to make numerous pitstops, and once we were in the middle of nowhere and driving, and I had an attack.. And let's just say I gave back to the Outback for taking me in (make sense?)! Which is why I say I left a part of me in Australia (no more 'leaving pregnant girls in Oz' rumours ok??). Lol there I said it, gonna go and hide myself in shame now. Anyways, plenty more stories coming up in future updates.
Blog ya later
Tip: Do not eat massive amounts of curry the day before a big trip!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Just going through some old poetry I wrote a long time ago, you can find them on www.poetry.com if you search for Charles Ling :) The first one I wrote was about the experiences of a new father arriving at the hospital after his son was born, and the other I just imagined a mum reading a bedtime poem (that's what it's called) to her child just before she sleeps. Enjoy! :) I don't know why I wrote these since I have't gone through these particular experiences, but I guess I put myself in those positions as I wrote those poems.
A Joyful Moment
I walk into this building of death;
Of gloom, sadness and hopelessness;
With leaden feet and a beating heart;
I quickly brace myself for my part.
I feel a lump in my chest;
No feeling can deny,
A joyousness no words could express;
I hear a gentle cry.
My eyes I keep tightly shut,
If not they'd flood Noah's Ark,
A baby boy lies in her hands,
I can't believe God's plans.
That God would bless such a soul;
A wretched creature, I confess;
I hear a faint gentle whisper;
Of bliss and joy and happiness.
I hold him with my hardened hands,
He's small and tiny like a toy,
He's what I feel the world needs,
To bring forth new hope, love and joy.
Charles Jun Ling
A Bedtime Poem
Tonight whilst you sleep in bed,
I'll send angels to watch over your head,
As shooting stars slowly pass you by,
I hope that in your dreams you'll fly,
To happy places, and happy times,
Meeting familiar faces of many kinds,
Of cheery hello's and great goodbyes,
I hope you'll dream of happy thoughts,
Of English fleets and Spanish ports,
And while you rest your head in bed,
Dream of St Nicholas in his sled,
Don't worry how to make the world right,
But think of happy times,
And then the world will seem bright,
As you go to bed,
Good night, sleep tight,
Tonight.
Charles Ling
A Joyful Moment
I walk into this building of death;
Of gloom, sadness and hopelessness;
With leaden feet and a beating heart;
I quickly brace myself for my part.
I feel a lump in my chest;
No feeling can deny,
A joyousness no words could express;
I hear a gentle cry.
My eyes I keep tightly shut,
If not they'd flood Noah's Ark,
A baby boy lies in her hands,
I can't believe God's plans.
That God would bless such a soul;
A wretched creature, I confess;
I hear a faint gentle whisper;
Of bliss and joy and happiness.
I hold him with my hardened hands,
He's small and tiny like a toy,
He's what I feel the world needs,
To bring forth new hope, love and joy.
Charles Jun Ling
A Bedtime Poem
Tonight whilst you sleep in bed,
I'll send angels to watch over your head,
As shooting stars slowly pass you by,
I hope that in your dreams you'll fly,
To happy places, and happy times,
Meeting familiar faces of many kinds,
Of cheery hello's and great goodbyes,
I hope you'll dream of happy thoughts,
Of English fleets and Spanish ports,
And while you rest your head in bed,
Dream of St Nicholas in his sled,
Don't worry how to make the world right,
But think of happy times,
And then the world will seem bright,
As you go to bed,
Good night, sleep tight,
Tonight.
Charles Ling
Friday, July 15, 2005
Hm.... after being called the worst blogger in the world (self admitted too!) I decided to take up the challenge of being the 2nd worst blogger in the world (by posting at least one entry) so I can dominate over someone else.
What did I do today? Woke up late for dance practice, I subconsciously (well, half-consciously) set the alarm one hour later in my drowsy state and went back to peaceful bliss. It was part honest mistake, part lazy-bum-nitis (may or may not exist), because I thought I had set the alarm one hour too early (well it felt like it was one hour too early at least!). So then I made a mad dash to Uni is an astounding 30 minutes (Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's a sweaty frantic [can't forget to mention late] asian!). We did some more work with the breakdance moves, but aren't close to being presentable yet.
Last night we had dinner at a place called Los Incas in Devonport, which is across the bay from Auckland. Since we weren't in the mood for a mid winter swim in Auckland harbour we drove the car over the Harbour bridge (like sane people do!). But you can also get to Devonport by ferry from Auckland for a dirty cheap $9! The food there was really good, I ordered "The Hand of God" (hm.... God for dinner) which was steak argentinian style which was totally awesome. William had the seafood stew which turned out to be awesome (I totally regreted ordering God for dinner). Oh well, you win this time Will! We went to celebrate Yen's birthday and I got him a book he wanted called Digital Fortress by Dan Brown (which I'm borrowing after his done, already reserved it! :P expect a review in 2 years time when I finish reading it).
Also went shopping for Lily's birthday today, grrr too many 21sts make my bank account cry!! Oh well, me and Angie roamed the ghetto that is Auckland (it's not really a ghetto, just sounds cool) in search of the perfect gift. We eventually got her a makeup container, and a siberian husky (toy! before you guys expect me to buy you 1000dollar dogs for your 21sts too) inside it! Awww so cute... Kawai deshou! ^_^
Anyways, it's gonna be another mad dash before uni starts, I've got a few parties to go to not to mention more dance practices (oh my aching body) plus the habit of sleeping at 4am which won't be good when uni starts. Ooooh boy I haven't studied for Law at all, and i've had six weeks to start, I'll start tomorrow... (Yeah right!)
That's it for now, blog ya later! :)
What did I do today? Woke up late for dance practice, I subconsciously (well, half-consciously) set the alarm one hour later in my drowsy state and went back to peaceful bliss. It was part honest mistake, part lazy-bum-nitis (may or may not exist), because I thought I had set the alarm one hour too early (well it felt like it was one hour too early at least!). So then I made a mad dash to Uni is an astounding 30 minutes (Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it's a sweaty frantic [can't forget to mention late] asian!). We did some more work with the breakdance moves, but aren't close to being presentable yet.
Last night we had dinner at a place called Los Incas in Devonport, which is across the bay from Auckland. Since we weren't in the mood for a mid winter swim in Auckland harbour we drove the car over the Harbour bridge (like sane people do!). But you can also get to Devonport by ferry from Auckland for a dirty cheap $9! The food there was really good, I ordered "The Hand of God" (hm.... God for dinner) which was steak argentinian style which was totally awesome. William had the seafood stew which turned out to be awesome (I totally regreted ordering God for dinner). Oh well, you win this time Will! We went to celebrate Yen's birthday and I got him a book he wanted called Digital Fortress by Dan Brown (which I'm borrowing after his done, already reserved it! :P expect a review in 2 years time when I finish reading it).
Also went shopping for Lily's birthday today, grrr too many 21sts make my bank account cry!! Oh well, me and Angie roamed the ghetto that is Auckland (it's not really a ghetto, just sounds cool) in search of the perfect gift. We eventually got her a makeup container, and a siberian husky (toy! before you guys expect me to buy you 1000dollar dogs for your 21sts too) inside it! Awww so cute... Kawai deshou! ^_^
Anyways, it's gonna be another mad dash before uni starts, I've got a few parties to go to not to mention more dance practices (oh my aching body) plus the habit of sleeping at 4am which won't be good when uni starts. Ooooh boy I haven't studied for Law at all, and i've had six weeks to start, I'll start tomorrow... (Yeah right!)
That's it for now, blog ya later! :)
Friday, July 01, 2005
It's been awhile since I last blogged anything remotely connected to my life but expect a big update soon! :) I'm still in Melbourne, and the week has passed by, not too quickly, but has left me with many new friends, strengthened existing ones, and most of all given me many great memories :) And I guess that's what a large part of life is about, creating great memories, and Melbourne is a great place (not as great as Auckland tho :P) and IMacs (what I'm using now) aren't as great as PC's :P
It hasn't been all about me taking from Australia, I left a little bit of myself there too (Hang Yuan and Juni know this :P) I might tell everyone else later, but I might not, we'll see how things go! But Hang Yuan and Juni, thanks for opening up your houses to me during this week, I'm blessed to have great friends like you and am happy to have shared this week with you guys, I'm just waiting for you guys to come to Auckland so I can repay the favour :)
Well, it's 1AM now and my flight is at 8.15am, so.... Farewell Melbourne, thank you for the memories, great to have met so many new people, and I guess I might see you again someday :) Peace out from down under (which is actually above NZ, but watever)
It hasn't been all about me taking from Australia, I left a little bit of myself there too (Hang Yuan and Juni know this :P) I might tell everyone else later, but I might not, we'll see how things go! But Hang Yuan and Juni, thanks for opening up your houses to me during this week, I'm blessed to have great friends like you and am happy to have shared this week with you guys, I'm just waiting for you guys to come to Auckland so I can repay the favour :)
Well, it's 1AM now and my flight is at 8.15am, so.... Farewell Melbourne, thank you for the memories, great to have met so many new people, and I guess I might see you again someday :) Peace out from down under (which is actually above NZ, but watever)
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful, kind-
hearted and pure. You are so sweet your almost
angelic, you find joy in others happiness and
cannot stand to see anyone in pain. You want to
make everyone around you feel good about
themselves and if someone is upset you can tend
to become rather upset as well which means you
are sympathetic and raise others above
yourself. Being as kind and good-natured as you
are people have most likely hurt you in the
past but you pick yourself up every time. You
may look fragile but you are stronger than most
tend to see. Life is beautiful no matter how
you look at it and you understand that people
make mistakes, not everyone is perfect. You try
to see the good in the bad which is a talent
few posses, dont ever let anyone change you.
You truly have a beautiful soul inside and a
heart of gold.
.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla
Friday, June 17, 2005
Part Romantic Kisser |
 For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet |
Part Expert Kisser |
 You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable |
You Are Not Scary |
 Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet? |
You Are a Prophet Soul |
 You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone. Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people. Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run. No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way. You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle. Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings. A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning. You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul |
Thursday, May 26, 2005
YES!!! Woohoo this made my day (so far my day has consisted of reading a big red book that is labelled "Tort") and I swear I got this on my first attempt! So if I sound like the guy for you just email me babe!! ;)
Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover |
 You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is. |
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Wonder why musicians always commit suicide? It's because you write and compose best when you're depressed! I'm no where near committing suicide tho, it's just an observation that I write a lot of music when I'm down, right now the guitar and me are inseparable! :D Thanks to Cameron for talking to me tons man, you really helped a brother out.
Learnt Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight," it's a lovely song, so touching, and what I hope to tell my significant other every day for the rest of her life when we finally meet.
Learnt Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight," it's a lovely song, so touching, and what I hope to tell my significant other every day for the rest of her life when we finally meet.
Monday, May 23, 2005
Dang, I'm weird! Only 30% normal, not that I didn't know that already :)
And the marriage thing... wow, true is all I can say :)
Now if I can get married to someone equally weird (highly unlikely) things would be sweet!
Feeling much better today, had a huge cry out to God for about 1.5 hours but felt way better and got good sleep. Parents flew back to Malaysia today, hmm.. it's a good and bad thing, I can finally go out past 10 o'clock now (slight exaggeration) but I'm not gonna be able to eat as much (well, I'll lose some weight so that may be great too!).
Still worried about the tests this week but I don't seem to be acting like it.
Oh well, life can be segmented sometimes, many different areas changing at all times. Unfortunately life waits for no man/woman/ and isn't likely to slow down. Enjoy the tests! :)
And the marriage thing... wow, true is all I can say :)
Now if I can get married to someone equally weird (highly unlikely) things would be sweet!
Feeling much better today, had a huge cry out to God for about 1.5 hours but felt way better and got good sleep. Parents flew back to Malaysia today, hmm.. it's a good and bad thing, I can finally go out past 10 o'clock now (slight exaggeration) but I'm not gonna be able to eat as much (well, I'll lose some weight so that may be great too!).
Still worried about the tests this week but I don't seem to be acting like it.
Oh well, life can be segmented sometimes, many different areas changing at all times. Unfortunately life waits for no man/woman/
You Are 30% Normal (Occasionally Normal) |
 You sure do march to your own beat... But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all You think on a totally different wavelength And it's often a chore to get people to understand you |
The Keys to Your Heart |
You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. |
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. |
You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. |
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. |
Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. |
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. |
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Went to Abby's 21st Birthday party last night! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ABBY if you ever read this...
Went back, and well.. felt lonely, been melancholic all day.. Having some past issues resurface, burdens that I thought I had worked through but it seems I'm back at square one.
The hurt has all come back to me.. I'm hoping it's temporary and will go away..
The hurt of losing your biggest joy in life.
The hurt of hurting the person you love because you did your best to love them but it had the exact opposite effect.
The hurt of destroying years of hardwork in a couple of seconds.
Yea, it's a black day, followed with black weather, but God is the strength of my heart, and He is the strength in all my weakness. I can only thank Him because He cares for me as an individual.
Meanwhile I've got 2 tests this week, a bit clueless on what to do for them actually but let's hope i pull out a fluke like usual :)
"Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong...."
Went back, and well.. felt lonely, been melancholic all day.. Having some past issues resurface, burdens that I thought I had worked through but it seems I'm back at square one.
The hurt has all come back to me.. I'm hoping it's temporary and will go away..
The hurt of losing your biggest joy in life.
The hurt of hurting the person you love because you did your best to love them but it had the exact opposite effect.
The hurt of destroying years of hardwork in a couple of seconds.
Yea, it's a black day, followed with black weather, but God is the strength of my heart, and He is the strength in all my weakness. I can only thank Him because He cares for me as an individual.
Meanwhile I've got 2 tests this week, a bit clueless on what to do for them actually but let's hope i pull out a fluke like usual :)
"Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong...."
On Bended Knee, by Boyz to Men.
Darlin' I, I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go
Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me the reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again, until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee
So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me
(Baby, Im sorry. Please forgive me for all the wrong I've done.
Please come back home girl. I know you put all your trust
in me, I'm sorry I let you down. Please forgive me girl.)
I'm gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers, the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe, in the spirit of love
it can heal all things
We won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees, begging you please
Come home
Darlin' I, I can't explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it's drivin' me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I'll guarantee
That I'll never let you go
Can we go back to the days our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
The way they used to be
Oh God give me the reason
I'm down on bended knee
I'll never walk again, until you come back to me
I'm down on bended knee
So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don't need to be alone
When I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I'm begging you, begging you come back to me
(Baby, Im sorry. Please forgive me for all the wrong I've done.
Please come back home girl. I know you put all your trust
in me, I'm sorry I let you down. Please forgive me girl.)
I'm gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers, the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe, in the spirit of love
it can heal all things
We won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees, begging you please
Come home
Friday, May 20, 2005
You never know what life is going to throw your way, just hope that you're up to the task and catch what's going your way without fumbling.
Yea, complexities of life are bittersweet, without them our lives would be so much smoother but without them our lives would be boring. You also cannot fully experience the sweet without tasting the most bitter.
Both my parents are recovering and out of the hospital, thank God! It's been testing, having to juggle that, my studies (four major assessments in a month), and my sister's two kids running around in our small little apartment (7 people in 3 bedrooms! plus i was kicked out of my room! >_<).
I really wanna prove to myself that I can do well in Law, I don't know what standard I've set for myself but I do know I wanna do the best I can. However there are certain justifiable limits to effort of course, but I know I can probably do better.
Law is a challenge, trying to comprehend the full area of Law and handling pages and pages of reading, I'm certainly enjoying it, but at the same time as a result of lack of self-will I'm falling behind. I know I've had some troubles, but for me, that shouldn't stop me from aiming, striving and achieving.
I've been asking myself a question of whether it's worth it to strive as hard as I have been? Will working this hard make my life easier for the rest of my life (as people say it will) or will it just train me to work hard as a dog for the rest of my life? I certainly don't wanna be one of those yuppies trapped in their race to 'keep up with the Jones'' but yet there are demands for financial stability and comfort in the future. I guess this is all part of life, and to have faith in God. It becomes a much harder and bigger lesson to learn when you're entering adulthood, when the only one responsible for keeping you fed is yourself. Please God teach me to trust in your provision for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Yesterday is past, tomorrow has not yet come, today is when you must ACT!
Yea, complexities of life are bittersweet, without them our lives would be so much smoother but without them our lives would be boring. You also cannot fully experience the sweet without tasting the most bitter.
Both my parents are recovering and out of the hospital, thank God! It's been testing, having to juggle that, my studies (four major assessments in a month), and my sister's two kids running around in our small little apartment (7 people in 3 bedrooms! plus i was kicked out of my room! >_<).
I really wanna prove to myself that I can do well in Law, I don't know what standard I've set for myself but I do know I wanna do the best I can. However there are certain justifiable limits to effort of course, but I know I can probably do better.
Law is a challenge, trying to comprehend the full area of Law and handling pages and pages of reading, I'm certainly enjoying it, but at the same time as a result of lack of self-will I'm falling behind. I know I've had some troubles, but for me, that shouldn't stop me from aiming, striving and achieving.
I've been asking myself a question of whether it's worth it to strive as hard as I have been? Will working this hard make my life easier for the rest of my life (as people say it will) or will it just train me to work hard as a dog for the rest of my life? I certainly don't wanna be one of those yuppies trapped in their race to 'keep up with the Jones'' but yet there are demands for financial stability and comfort in the future. I guess this is all part of life, and to have faith in God. It becomes a much harder and bigger lesson to learn when you're entering adulthood, when the only one responsible for keeping you fed is yourself. Please God teach me to trust in your provision for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Yesterday is past, tomorrow has not yet come, today is when you must ACT!
Monday, April 04, 2005
Wow, seems ages since I last updated my blog and this will be a short one!
Let's see... what's new with the new year? Lots of things really, got into my desired course at uni (Law & Commerce conjoint), buying a new house, meeting new people, lotsa things.
And yet there are lots of things that are still the same, I'm still addicted to the computer, I still am late for most of my classes, and I'm still single! Hm... good to know that some things never change.
Anyways, my mum is undergoing a checkup at this very moment, and probably has to go for open heart surgery tomorrow. Although the doctor has said that it's relatively safe, how safe is relatively safe? There is a small chance that she could not make it, so all your prayers and best wishes would be greatly appreciated for her in this tough time. Her pacemaker leads (connected to her heart) have become bacterially infected and since they have been in there for 20 years or so, the doctors need to perform surgery and make sure they come off, after which she will need to be IV'd to strong antibiotics for about 4 weeks, before they reinsert another pacemaker into her. Please pray for her as she goes through all these trials.
People mask themselves in many ways, some use anger, others humor to cloak their real emotions... and maybe that's why i can remain smiling and laughing so as not to let others worry about me. I don't require your sympathies, but my mum requires your prayers, thanks! :)
Let's see... what's new with the new year? Lots of things really, got into my desired course at uni (Law & Commerce conjoint), buying a new house, meeting new people, lotsa things.
And yet there are lots of things that are still the same, I'm still addicted to the computer, I still am late for most of my classes, and I'm still single! Hm... good to know that some things never change.
Anyways, my mum is undergoing a checkup at this very moment, and probably has to go for open heart surgery tomorrow. Although the doctor has said that it's relatively safe, how safe is relatively safe? There is a small chance that she could not make it, so all your prayers and best wishes would be greatly appreciated for her in this tough time. Her pacemaker leads (connected to her heart) have become bacterially infected and since they have been in there for 20 years or so, the doctors need to perform surgery and make sure they come off, after which she will need to be IV'd to strong antibiotics for about 4 weeks, before they reinsert another pacemaker into her. Please pray for her as she goes through all these trials.
People mask themselves in many ways, some use anger, others humor to cloak their real emotions... and maybe that's why i can remain smiling and laughing so as not to let others worry about me. I don't require your sympathies, but my mum requires your prayers, thanks! :)
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